At One With God

This is the feeling I'm searching for.

To feel serenity instead of chaos, peace instead of turbulence, comfort instead of fear, love instead of anger and hate...

I might not be acting "religious" in Islam. I don't pray, I don't read Qur'an or hadith, I don't eat halal. Really, it's life as it comes naturally to me these days. I make dua and meditate occaisionally, I make efforts to be a good person in various ways. I do my best to be spiritual in some sort of way but don't follow any rituals.

I do believe that rituals can help a person find this "one with God" feeling that I'm searching for. I certainly felt closer to God when I was praying regularly and I never fasted a whole month but just a couple days and there were some "ahha!" moments in there. Reading Qur'an too helped me focus. I just don't believe that these are the only rituals that can work and basically I don't believe they are obligatory for a person. We each have our own paths.

But without rituals we can drift. And I feel like I'm drifting a bit at the moment.

Sometimes it's like being blind - I don't know where I'm going and I don't have it all figured out. But I know that I'll try again and I'll be where I need to be. Hopefully I continue to grow as a person and hopefully I stay on the straight path insha'Allah - if I even am or have been of course, only God knows.

My Goals for 2013

*cross posted from my other blog, see HERE*

Here's a list of goals that I have for 2013. I still need to work on making some of them more structured and specific so I can better accomplish them, and I want to do a monthly accountability post too. I recommend you check outEllesy's post on making resolutions, it's very helpful!

Beauty-related: 

1. Figure out my eyebrows

2. Continue my no-buy. I guess I should call it a low-buy since I'm fully open to adding products I lack in my stash and replacing used up products.

Family-related: 

3. Stick to "the routine". I made a routine when my daughter started KG, my son was entering daycare and I was getting back to work after my maternity leave and I am no longer sticking to it at all. The structure was helping everyone settle down well and with different stresses going on and some fatigue, I have not been respecting my own rules.

Organizational:

4. Get things we don't use or need out of our daily living spaces.

5. Get rid of a lot of things we don't use or need.

• If I am able to get on board with my own idea that I'm not having any more kids, I want to get rid of baby stuff I have.
• I want to get rid of things that I don't use but that are also not useful for anyone else, even if I know they are useful somehow... Know what I mean? Like old pyjamas or towels from 15 years ago. I can still wear them and they still dry me, but they are too old and ugly to ever be useful for others, and I have gotten others over time and these need to go. 

Decor: 

6. Make a space for my son so he can leave my bedroom. 

7. Make a space for ME when that happens. I still have not decorated my bedroom in any sort of way and I've been here for 3 years... It's very teenage dorm style and maybe I finally deserve a place that I feel comfortable in?

Financial: 

8. Save the equivalent of 15% of my net income. When/If my husband's financial situation changes (for the better), I will increase that percentage. Time will tell on that one so I'm not going to set any goals that rely on others. 

Relationships: 

9. Make some active efforts to maintain relationships with people I care about. When life gets busy I don't see people or contact people as often as I'd want to or should so a resolution is to keep better contact with them. From certain friends, close acquaintances, cousins, aunts and uncles.

Attitude: 

10. Find a way to control my crazy yelling when I get upset and angry at home. There must be better ways to deal with frustration...

Spiritual: 

11. Be more spiritual. I have no idea where this resolution is going... Maybe I could make weekly goals a month in advance and try to stick to them, and try to add in permanently the things that work. From reading certain books to adding rituals into my day to day life... I will see.