Sunday, April 22, 2012

Feeling UGH

Today is my husband's day off per two weeks. The only day we can be together until May 6th. Yesterday evening I was given the silent treatment the whole night and today, he's barricaded himself in his room and told me to do one thing for him: Not bother him and not ask him to take care of the kids.

I'm feeling cheated and taken advantage of.

When he gets upset with me, he makes sure it affects the people I care about the most. Yes, it affects me because I expected and wanted a day altogether, and I admit that I also wanted a day where I could have a little help with the kids, the baby especially, to let me freely try to make a couple meals and maybe sit down without him in my lap. And no, the kids aren't crying for their dad. They're used to it. But it doesn't mean they don't feel his absence, Nora especially. I'm sad for all that they don't get more than I am for me not having the family day I wanted.

And I'm honestly ANGRY at him, but that part I'll try to leave off the page.


10 Comentários:

LK said...

sweety hasn't he always been like this? From what I can gather from your blog and what i know of his culture this is normal behavior. You want a hands on Dad but unfortunately that is most likely not how your husband was trained. Women take care of children, husband does what he wants. He isn't going to change sadly.

It is a bit rude not to spend any time with you though. I understanding wanting some alone time but I'd be a little hurt about that.

Candice said...

It's true that they aren't really hands on dads and he's a lot more involved than his dad was when he was this small.

What he's doing today is making me more than angry because actually, he does normally spend this day with us. And he has changed since the first dad years even if it's still not really up to my standards. I had a super dad. He was a stay at home dad for a while, even. Nora had her swimming class today and my parents actually remembered and dropped in to watch her a little while her dad specifically requested that I not ask him to come.

If I continue to compare him to my dad, he'll always fall short!

Safiyah said...

This is something that would make me very angry too. I just wonder, can you talk to him about this? Can you tell him calmly that you like his company and that you feel sad he didn't spend this day with you? Can you tell him that his children miss him? It sound like a hard situation, and I really hope you two can work things out and find a solution! x

Candice said...

He woke up in early afternoon in a much better mood and spent time with us :)

Becky said...

I'm happy to hear things got better in the afternoon.

I understand your anger though, and although the kids are used to it, it does affect them. I say that as a kid who grew up without her dad being much around or very involved with her life. My dad had Asperger's syndrome, which, among other things, meant he had a very hard time with social situations. The most interaction I remember having with my dad when I was 8-12 years old, was when we'd play computer games together - in two different rooms - but at least we'd be "interacting". Otherwise my dad was in his room/office 90% of the time when he was home. We were used to it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't affect you.

Safiyah said...

I'm very happy for that! =) Maybe he was just really tired from work? x

LK said...

LOL in most cases if we compare our men to our dads our men will fall short :)

Candice said...

Becky: That's really tough.
I want for my kids what I had with my dad. He was always there with us. He brought us along when he did errands, he played with us and our friends, he brought us to places to have fun, read to us at night, coached our sports teams. At least my dad is very active in my kids' lives too! He takes Nora for an afternoon almost every two weeks and holds the baby every time I see him.
LK: Parenting-wise my husband could never be like my dad. Even with continual improvement and change, he'd never "make it". He has other qualities that my dad lacks though, but being involved with the kids is not one of them!

Becky said...

Candice, btw, just also wanted to point out, that my comment was not to say I didn't love my dad, I loved him very much. As I grew older I also grew much closer to him, and we had many talks and debates. It is one of the things that made it even harder when he died when I was 17, cause I do believe we would've grown even closer with time.

Candice said...

Of course, I understand that.

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