Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Taking care of ourselves...

This has been brought up because of Whitney Houston's death (may she be at peace with God)... It has been making me think about death a lot. My parents are starting a whole healthy lifestyle thing lately too, not influenced by her death or anything, just happened around the same time and both of these things are making me think of my uncle/godfather and husband a lot.

Whitney Houston's death really punched me in the face with "life is fragile, life is short" and my parents taking care of themselves made me realize that my uncle and husband are not.


My husband doesn't take any medication and does not drink or smoke or any of that bad stuff, but he is obese and I have been trying to make him lose weight for the 6 years I have known him with a big fat nothing of a result. He is as fat as ever and has no desire to really try. He only told me so before to make me feel better and make me stay in Egypt and get married I guess. It could have been a deal-breaker for me, honestly but it's no use thinking about that now no matter how constantly it's on my mind. Last week I understood it much more clearly than ever before. He is 29 years old and has accepted that his obesity and lifestyle (food-wise) will likely cause him to die 10-15 years earlier than if he made some changes and he has no desire to make changes. At this point he doesn't even really imagine himself living past 60 and he is OK with that.

It's one thing to want to make changes and to keep putting them off and off and off. But to accept that this is it and not even want to change?! I don't understand and it's affecting me. :( This is my husband and the father of my children. Don't we deserve more? If he has no desire to live long for himself, can't he at least have some for us?


My uncle has a lung disease and a bad back and has been off work for 15 years on disability and takes a bunch of medication. He has no kids and has developed a drinking problem over time. Like beer all day long type of thing. He recently started having really bad leg problems with sores all over the place and intense swelling and pain. It brought on a depression because no medication worked so he's on anti-depressants and something for the leg too which he can't take long term because it's strong. He also takes something for glaucoma...

It feels dangerous. His doctor doesn't know he drinks like that either so it's making me scared that some sort of OD could happen at any time.

I wrote him an email today just saying I love him and care about him too much and that I'd be devastated to have something happen to him. And I just told him to take care of himself if it applied to him. Don't know what he will answer...

Does anyone have any advice for me on how to deal with these situations?

4 Comentários:

HijabRockers said...

What type of food that ur hubby eats, candy? Does he eats a lot? Maybe I could suggest a few things that you could mix with his food to make him lose his appetite a bit.

Candice said...

He eats a lot. He'll eat anything... Unhealthy or healthy stuff, but it's the quantity that is simply amazing and not in a good way. I'd love suggestions to curving his appetite. It seems to have no end!

Becky said...

I feel your pain.

Health has definitely been an issue in my past relationships. Although it's never been a reason why I've ended it, it's been a factor, especially because I'd feel like they were looking fairly well after themselves... then as soon as we start dating they put on 20 pounds!

To be honest, I would've dated a good friend of mine, who's been in love with me for years, if it wasn't for his weight issues. It's not a matter of looks to me, but of health. I want to be with someone, who respects themselves enough to look after themselves and stay healthy.

Navy guy and I talked about this actually, and we're both on the same page (thankfully), that we want to be with someone who's active, healthy and take care of themselves.

I'm not quite sure to tell you what to do though. We can't make people change (that was also an issue for me, I don't ever play mum to the guys I'm with, they're grown ups and I don't want to tell them what to do), if they don't want to. But I do think you are right to share your concerns, and even to do so rather "aggressively", by which I mean to be VERY honest, and say you are not happy with the situation, that watching them treat themselves like that hurts you.

Nikki said...

This really hits a nerve with me right now. When I met my husband he was young (20) fit and active. His interests were things like running, soccer, and basketball. He quit smoking when we got together. I honestly never knew he smoked before me until he picked the habit back up when I got pregnant and our lives got SUPER stressful (school, finances, family judgment, etc.).

So the smoking became a big strain on our relationship. Additionally, when you're first together and so in love you kind of quit doing some things you used to do to spend more time with your significant other. Well, my husband lessened the basketball, etc. and eventually quit altogether. His interests are now iPad, computer, TV, and eating. He's (25)out of shape and downright sloth-ful.

I am a big eater myself, so it's hard to run a "healthy household," but I exercise and have always had a high metabolism. It is evident from his family, that he is not so blessed. While I weigh the same as when we got together, even after having a baby! He weighs a good 15-20 (I hope that's all) pounds more.

Recently my level of disgust with his lifestyle has reached a new high because I joined a gym. I didn't join to get in shape, although that's definitely a good perk, I joined to have somewhere to go and make friends. Anyway, the gym has become my retreat, and I'm feeling -fantastic-. I come home to my husband sprawled out on the couch or still in bed at one (in the afternoon), though, and totally lose my "gym high."

I'd love for him to stop smoking and find something to be passionate about that's not an apple product. I love him and want to keep him around, and not hooked to an oxygen tank. Also, I'm not as sexually attracted to him with the extra weight. I KNOW weight gain happens as we grow older, but he's seriously not doing anything about it. I've hinted and outright made comments about him going out and exercising...I try not to sound too harsh, I don't want him to feel bad, but rather inspired.

Ugh. I'm sorry to write a book. And no advice was given whatsoever. Just know you're not alone. :/

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