Thursday, January 26, 2012

Circumcision :'(

I finally took an appointment to get it done. He will be 3 months old... I'm scared and I don't feel well about it. I wouldn't get it done at all if it weren't for my husband and his culture but I know it would never work to not get it done... And I guess for my son's well-being, I would rather he get it done as a baby than as a toddler in Egypt or something.


I don't want him to feel any kind of pain and I'm worried about hurting the most precious thing I have in this world (Nora is equally precious of course but not affected by getting circumcised thank Goodness).

I hate to feel so forced about this. I don't believe it's medically necessary and to operate on my baby because of something I feel is nothing more than cultural hurts me. But for him it's not cultural, it's religious. There's just no way out of it for me. One plan was to tell him I had it done and figure he'd never notice, but it would be awkward when he found out. Imagine the teenager thinking all his life he is circumcised and looks it up online or reads about it in school and is like, WTF?! Tells his dad, who is also like, WTF?! Anyway...

15 Comentários:

Zu hu ra said...

On what basis does he think it's religious? Maybe you can work on him on that front? I think I sent you some links before but here are some again, about Muslims against circumcision:

http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=muslims+against+circumcision&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

Having done a lot of reading about circumcision, I could not forgive myself if I let someone circumcise my son. Do you want you can now to convince your husband.

Almost a Muslimah said...

oh dear, I feel for you... i wouldn't get it done to my baby boy either. it's not as if circumcision is necessary for anything really apart from the reasons you mentioned. any way you can point out to your husband for example that adult men who convert to Islam and are not circumcised don't, in most cases, get it done? my best wishes for you :)

Zu hu ra said...

I left you a comment this afternoon; not sure if it went through.

This is your son. You don't have to circumcise him just because your husband wants to. Why is his opinion worth more than yours? You need to agree on this, because it cannot be undone. Please google Muslims against circumcision and you will find lots of resources you can use to talk to your husband about this.

Nikki said...

I'm assuming your husband doesn't change diapers? Because I don't know how you could fake a circumcision. :) I understand your frustration. My son is circumcised and I didn't really take issue with it because it is still a cultural norm here in America, too. I was in high school just 6 years ago and uncircumcised boys were still being made fun of. It may not be a good reason for surgery, but that and the thought that maybe it is religiously mandated made the choice easy for me.

Insha'Allah it will all go smoothly and heal quickly. Insha'Allah you will find comfort in your decision, even if it's not the decision you'd like to make. :)

Candice said...

Zuhura: Sorry, it's comment moderation that had your comment for a little bit.

I will talk to him about it and try to get him to explore the subject a little, but if there's one thing that bugs me about my husband, it's his total lack of desire to think for himself. Even when I tell him something that I can see makes sense to him, he will not continue the conversation until he has confirmed with the opinion of someone in Egypt. He is very stuck to the Egyptian interpretation and doesn't trust anything else... Especially not "Qur'an only".

And I hate to say it, but I guess I have accepted that his opinion is more important on this matter. Maybe because for him it's a religious thing but also because he's the man, he has a penis and he is circumcised. He has his son's interest at heart as well...

Almost a Muslimah: I never read up about adult men, but you're right. The general opinion is that they don't need to do it! That's a good thing to bring up!

Nikki: No, he doesn't change diapers! hahaha. I can see how culture would make it easier for you to accept because really, for me culture makes it harder to accept. We don't circ here and it's not well seen to circ your son. It's seen as useless religious crap and mutilation for a lot of people and I wouldn't mention it to anyone except close family or friends... Who also say, "How could you do that to your son?"... :(

Zu hu ra said...

How does he have his son's interests at heart? Because he wants them to look the same? I don't get that. If your daughter's breasts ended up larger than yours, would you want her to have surgery to make them match? Of course not. Circumcision is equally ridiculous.

I don't know about Canada, but in the US it's now about 50-50, so the idea that boys will be mocked for not being circumcised is no longer true. The tides are changing. My son doesn't care that his dad is circumcised and he is not, and it's never been an issue among his peers either.

Candice said...

It is about 3% of babies here, so much much less than in the US... Can't even find anyone in my city to do it.

I don't think my husband cares about his boy "being the same". He mostly believes it's something that must be done for a Muslim baby and also believes in it for hygiene reasons. He is against FGM even if everyone in his family has had it done.

We'll see how things go.

Zu hu ra said...

Those are both issues on which you can educate him. It is not required in Islam, and there is nothing less hygenic about an uncircumcised penis. I think you owe it to Adam and to yourself to at least learn more about this and talk to your husband until you both agree. If you don't want to do it it's not fair to yourself to do it just because your husband wants it done. And it's definitely not fair to Adam who will have to live with your decision his entire life.

Susanne said...

I'm sorry this is such a tough decision for you. I love Zuhura's advice and agree that it should be something you and your husband discuss and agree upon before you go through with it. I really don't see why circumcision is necessary. It's outdated, IMO.

Jasmine said...

Salaam Candice,

I know what you are going through - I remember when we circumcised my brother my mother suffered so much listening to him cry!

But if it makes you feel any better, know that here in the UK the benefits of circumcision are so medically profound that the Government has considered making it compulsory for all males (of course, the wider population disagree as they see it as barbaric) but male circumcision really does have a great deal of health benefits which have been medically and scientifically proved - so I hope that helps you a lil'

Candice said...

Jasmine: I didn't know that about the UK! Here they are saying the risks do not outweigh the health benefits so it is not covered. It will cost us 150$ which I find reasonable though. We have our appointment for Saturday the 11th so I'm bound to post about it then.
I definitely find it very interesting that the UK is finding the benefits greater than the risk of the surgery.

diaryofamuslimfeminist said...

The only health benefit that has actually been based on research is HIV prevention. Research was done in societies where men tend to be extremely promiscuous and don't use condoms (i.e. South Africa).

Becky said...

Btw, just a quick side note, I could find NOTHING with a quick Google search indicating that the UK wanted to make circumcision mandatory, and I find that extremely difficult to believe, so if you don't mind, I'd like to see some links to back that up.

I have to say I am with Zuhura here, I used to be fairly neutral on circumcision, and thought I'd be fine with it, but the more research I do, the more I'm against it, it does actually scar the boys for life, and I don't think I could ever do it if I have a son one day.

Candice said...

I went searching for proof of this too and didn't find any.

Metis said...

I wrote on circumcision once. Last week I told my 8 year old that he was circumcised. He was livid :( Now I feel so stupid getting it done.

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