I saw a post the other day about someone advising another person to divorce a wife with Alzheimer's to remarry. It felt pretty cruel a thing to do. Doesn't the commitment made between husband and wife go beyond health? I believe it does.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
A co-worker of mine kind of bugged me with a couple things she said this morning.
First about the computer store my husband is starting... She wasn't even in the conversation I was having but she managed to insert comments about how there's a store here, and one there... And she knows people who fix computers... Just kind of a downer comment with no other goal than to make me feel like my husband will fail. Or at least that's the way I feel about her comment.
Then in that conversation the other co-worker I was talking with asks me if the woman who came with my husband during lunch yesterday is my cousin. I tell her no, it's my husband's co-worker/friend who was helping him paint the store. So the bugging co-worker starts to ask if I really feel OK about him being with a woman all day, about how she wouldn't if she was me, about how my husband wouldn't accept me hanging out alone with a man all day so shouldn't I set the same limits for him? Was that a way to make me feel uncomfortable about the friendship? If I don't feel uncomfortable about it, then why should it bother her?!
The way it works for me is that if my husband is uncomfortable with me hanging out with men alone, out of respect and love, I can abstain from that. And if I feel uncomfortable, he will do the same. I simply didn't feel uncomfortable about this particular situation. She was there helping him out and they aren't close friends hanging out together outside of work.
Posted by Candice at 9:51 AM
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Posted by Candice at 4:22 PM
Monday, September 26, 2011
My 4 year old daughter Nora tells me this morning that she wants to marry "her baby" (the baby I'm carrying) and that she'll carry him when she marries him as a princess and that it's not "pretend". hehehehe
Posted by Candice at 3:38 PM
I missed the last 2 Thankful Thursdays so here is one this afternoon.
Last week on Thursday, I should have posted TT instead of bitching and ranting but whatchyagonnado! Still, I am thankful and here are some things I am thankful for:
- Getting my new la-z-boy this week! I chose it this weekend- it's amazingly comfy! I tried dozens of different rocking, reclining chairs in all price ranges and the one I picked was THE ONE by a long shot. I gave it a week to try others and return to "the chair" and it was still "the one". :D It's my gift to me! :D
- I only have 2 weeks left of work before mat leave! Can't wait to finish... Work is actually a lot calmer than usual so that's another thing to be thankful for - the calm arrives at a good time (when I'm exhausted)
- That throughout the entire pregnancy, I've had only ONE person only touch my belly without permission. Of course, that was today at the grocery store during my lunch... It was weird and uncomfortable for me. But it happened only once in all!
Idea for TT taken from Becky
Thursday, September 22, 2011
I am SO MAD right now!
Nora started going to school 2x 3h per week to prepare for KG starting next year. My husband was supposed to get her today at 10:50 and at 11:05 I get a call from the school asking when someone's going to come get Nora! WTF! I was at work but I had to leave in a rush to get her. I brought her to my work which is like 2 minutes away, figuring my husband would *wake up* and call me and come get her very soon to bring her to daycare. BUT NO! She stayed about a half hour at my work while I called him non-stop before I decided to take an early lunch hour to bring her - not that I'm supposed to have that much flexibility in my hours!
30 minutes after he was late, I was getting worried... It seemed impossible to not have thought of Nora by then... Especially with the crazy emphasis I put on being ON TIME. I said it many times the night before, the morning before work, and I talked to him at 9:15! I also tried to call at 10:30 to remind him but wasn't reaching him... I was getting really worried when he was one full hour late without news because I was thinking maybe he got the time mixed up (11:50 instead of 10:50)... By the time I was able to get to our house, I thought I'd find him dead in the garden or something, it was 12:15.
I entered and he was on the computer. I ask him what he's doing and he didn't even catch the "WTF" tone I was using - he really still had no idea why I was here! Many seconds later, he clicked. How can someone so fully get lost in time and forget his own child?! By that time, he was 1h30 late! I'm beyond infuriated at him! He can never remember his responsabilities around the house, but to forget HIS CHILD?!!!
What is worse is that I always have to deal with situations because of this... We get 25$ taken off our rent because he is supposed to take care of the lawn, snow and garbage (for the neighbour). He mowed the lawn maybe 2x all summer, always forgets to do the snow in winter and last winter for 1.5 months, the neighbour couldn't access her garbage because the path was hip deep in snow! I'm the one who gets talked to by the owner like I was the one to get talked to by the teacher at school. When Nora doesn't go to daycare, we have to inform them by 9am and sometimes he just decides to just keep her and doesn't inform me and I have to deal with them reminding me to inform them in advance time and time again.
I'm fed up! I'm pissed off! I'm just so so so SO angry I'm having trouble concentrating at work. Had to get it out.
Posted by Candice at 1:33 PM
The investment for inventory and setting the place up will be about 10 000$ plus the approx 1000$ recurring monthly costs for rent, electricity and insurance... We don't actually have that amount ahead of time so we've had to take out a loan. Half the amount is on interest-free for 18 months or 24 equal payments interest-free which is good and Islamic (as long as it's paid back within that time)- phew. But the other half is not which bums me out a bit.
My husband will continue to work though and his salary will have to cover the monthly costs plus reimbursement of the loans... Hopefully there will be income from the store but if it's a total flop, I guess I can be comforted knowing that we should be able to pay that money back anyway. With major budget tightening and over a period of time. It's stressful to imagine that much money going to waste especially when it's not my dream. My immediate dream was to go back to university to become a teacher with a long term dream of being a homeowner with a stable life. My husband has the same long term dream as me though but a big part of that for him is running a succesful business. I just hate risk! I don't want to hoard money but I don't want it to go to waste either.
My salary (which will be money from mat leave for the next year) will need to cover the home living costs which I think I will be able to manage. I'm still feeling nervous about that and about having to work at the store with the baby while I'm on leave... I'll be working part-time kind of hours, but with my husband working ALL THE TIME, I will also have more work at home with the baby and Nora. And we all know that being a mom is already a full time job!
Anyway, please keep us in your duas/thoughts if you can!
Posted by Candice at 9:19 AM
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
My closest cousin and I got pregnant around the same time (were both due in October) and both learned we were having our first boy. She had her baby last week! At almost 37 weeks pregnant, an 8 lbs 3 oz beautiful baby boy! :D Masha'Allah, I'm very happy for her.
Posted by Candice at 11:12 AM
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Yes, after my gaming hate post, here I am asking for your advice on having a potentially successful gaming business.
Posted by Candice at 5:55 PM
Friday, September 16, 2011
Is anyone having trouble commenting on my blog? If so, could you email me?
I've been having a TON of trouble on most blogspot/blogger blogs and so I haven't been commenting on those blogs. It sucks because I'm appreciating a lot of blogs but not able to show it and not able to contribute to the discussions...
Is this happening on my blog too?
Posted by Candice at 3:46 PM
The Noisy People Upstairs! article by Hijabman
Interesting article. I think he has a point. I don't think women should be disrespectful if they make the decision to go to the mosque, but in a way, what he says makes sense. If women are put apart from the congregation, isn't it normal that they would act like they are not part of the congregation?
Posted by Candice at 2:25 PM
Thursday, September 15, 2011
People who are addicted to games use the games to achieve and get a sense of worth...
So I realize that I need to ask myself the question... What can I do? Obviously my husband has some issues with his real life or he wouldn't need to turn to games. Me and Nora ARE his real life. What can I do to make him feel like being dedicated to his family is an achievement? What can I do to make him WANT to accomplish this for us?
I'm not the easiest person to live with - especially not for an Arab. I ask A LOT more of him than his mother ever asked of her husband, or of my husband. And probably the worst thing is that I have a tendancy to yell and insult. And the insults can hurt I'm sure, especially since they're based in truth. I might say those things mostly because I'm angry and in part hoping he will wake up and realize that it's (at least partly) true and he needs to change, but it probably has the opposite effect of making him feel even crappier about his home life and better about his online life.
What should I do?
NOTE: My husband has a lot of qualities and doesn't always play games to the point of making me feel like I do lately. Some women married to men with gaming addictions refer to themselves as widows, but I'm really not there yet! Just going through a tough little spell and I guess he is too...
Posted by Candice at 9:56 AM
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Posted by Candice at 10:33 AM
Monday, September 12, 2011
How do you feel about single-sex/single-gender classes? Anyone have children in boys only or girls only classes or schools? Did anyone attend such a class?
Posted by Candice at 6:48 PM
Posted by Candice at 4:16 PM
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Giving kind advice to a person who asks for it is great and I think it was what you were doing with that new Muslim, but the rest of this post makes me feel very uncomfortable.
I don't wear hijab outside of the mosque. I personally like to come to the mosque dressed with a long skirt and longish top and make sure I have a scarf covering my chest. Other women at my mosque wear shorter scarves but slightly more modest tops than me. Others arrive with a t-shirt and no hijab and borrow an abaya and scarf from the mosque to pray in and others wear overgarments.
Not everyone wears the hijab you describe as appropriate but some do. And still I think everyone feels welcome and comfortable overall at the mosque. As they should! There is no division between the women who don't wear hijab and those who do. A big priority of mine in my Islam is to support unity despite differences. Whether a person is wearing hijab "improperly" or not at all, or is wearing niqab or whatever she is wearing, and for whatever reason (not ready, doesn't believe it's obligatory, etc.), I can only hope they can feel just as welcome and just as "Muslim" as anyone else in the community. I extend this idea of unity towards Sunnis, Shias, progressives or any other “type” (branch, denomination, sect) and the things you say and the way you talk about the women at your mosque who you don't approve of gives NO feeling of wanting to be united with them as Muslimahs and it saddens and upsets me.
I also wanted to give a bit of positive here... I think it's likely that most people you see at your mosque are actually dressed at least a degree more modest than they would in their outside clothes and that is a really good thing in and of itself, even if you don’t believe they meet requirements. It’s also likely that they have no bad intentions in dressing like that and that they don’t mean disrespect to you or the mosque or to their God and that should count for something. Only Allah knows though.
Posted by Candice at 3:36 PM
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
I just read a very nice article, by the same person who wrote the "How Does One Soften Their Heart" article I posted about right before Ramadan ended. I'm really enjoying the Suhaib Webb website which has all sorts of articles by different people that I've found inspiring. This article is called "Two Words" about someone whose faith was ignited by hearing a hadith of the prophet Muhammad.
I wanted to share a paragraph that I feel adresses a big problem. This is not the main lesson of the article, so I suggest you read it, but it's a nice reminder:
"Let’s stop judging people; let’s stop driving people out of mosques because “we” deem their dress, their swagger, their accessories, or language as something “unsuitable” to the House of God. Let’s stop assuming they’ll never be guided to “our righteous path” (since we’re so righteous, we guided our own selves, right?) and thus resolve to harsh words or disapproving stares. Perhaps those who “we” think are far from Allah (swt) will pass in a more honorable, beloved state to the One Who guides. "
Posted by Candice at 11:40 AM
Monday, September 5, 2011
Posted by Candice at 6:36 PM
Saturday, September 3, 2011
So the post was about our feelings towards polygamy. I basically wrote that I had no positive feelings towards it and would not be able to deal with that in my marriage and that I'd divorce my husband if he married another. But that we had an agreement from before getting married to never have a second one and that he doesn't want one anyway so phew, we're fine.
Posted by Candice at 10:43 AM
Thursday, September 1, 2011
OK, I'm writing this Friday but I will deceptively date it for yesterday. :P
This week, I'm thankful:
- that I'm able to realize how materialist the society is and able to recognize how much it affects me (to better be able to keep it under control and keep my priorities straight)
- that if a thief came to my home and stole my stuff, they would still not have taken any of the most important things to me.
- that a long weekend is coming and that the agricultural fair is this weekend! Yay! Hundreds of cows, bunch of chickens and turkeys and rabbits, home-made pie and other pastry competitions, horse pulling, interesting kiosks, rides, running into people I haven't seen in a long time! Woohoo :)
Idea for T-T taken from Becky!