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Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Here is what I wrote on a discussion board where they asked the question, "What is your religion? What do you believe in?". I wrote this a few months ago and reading it again this morning, I think it sums things up pretty well and still represents me. I feel like I'm further away from organized religion than I was and might post about that a different time, but what I say here is still me.
My religion is Islam (I am a Muslim).
In some ways I can say that I am an agnostic Muslim in the sense that I do believe in its principles and way of worship but can't say that I know it to be the ultimate truth. There might be so many different ways to follow God's will. We just need to tap into our nature state it and eliminate everything else. I choose Islam to help me do that because the truth in Islam seems to be purer to me than any other religion I learned about.
I get inspiration other religions though that I feel do not at all contradict Islam like the Eightfold Path to Enlightenment for Buddhists or reading some of the Hidden Words of Bahaullah for Bahais or just thinking "What would God want me to do?" which is not unlike WWJD?
In the end Islam is the religion that allows me to be spiritual in the way I want/need to be and brings the right balance between this life and the next. It is the middle way.
Posted by Candice at 10:02 AM
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
I have always sucked at skincare. I have trouble having a routine and sticking to it long-term. The best I was with this was when I had bad acne as a teenager and nothing worked until I went on accutane, which sort of reinforced my laziness about taking care of my skin since it was a pill to take and that alone changed my skin drastically!
Now that I'm pregannt, I'm finding my skin very very sensitive, and in the past week has been looking TERRIBLE! Patches of red on about 50% of my face, being so dry and flakey, and reacting to any product I tried!
Yesterday I went out to get some advice on what to use and was given samples of La Roche Posay creams. One for major rehydration, one for all-day hydration and one for helping ease irritations. The major rehydrating one is the Nutritic 5% and I put it on twice yesterday and can feel SO MUCH DIFFERENCE in my skin! It's not sandish anymore, just regular dry and kind of smooth! I think just a few days of putting this stuff will work wonders on my skin - I'm seriously impressed! It didn't make my skin react either, although the red is still there.
I was also given a sample of Vichy corrective foundation to try, but my skin is too dry still to try covering - it looked crazy-cakey. But I've seen videos of the stuff and it's magic!
What do you women use on your skin? Are you big on products and skin maintenance? Are you big on make-up? What products do you use and recommend?
Posted by Candice at 9:55 AM
Saturday, April 23, 2011
In Islam, who takes custody of a child in the case that there is no will?
Have you personally thought about this and made a decision? Who did you choose?
I talked about it with my husband once and I know that for me, the logical choice of who Nora is closest to is my parents. They are not Muslim though. They *do* respect me and my choices and I feel they would honour that should I die, but they don't know I'm Muslim so they probably wouldn't apply that to her life.
My husband would choose his parents. I don't like the idea because they don't know her that much and are not in as good of health as my parents, AND are older than my parents too. The chances are they will have died before Nora is 18 and even higher than they would have died by the time new baby is 18. He is an only child and so he would put his uncle as "next in line" to take care of our children. I met him a couple times and I know he has a family with 3 children between ages 5-10, but he doesn't know Nora at all!
It's such a conflicting thing! I'm happy the chances of both of us dying are low, but to just imagine my child off with grand-parents that can't keep up or with a family I don't even know is just horrible!! I'd feel bad to put this burden on my own parents too, they are 52 and 60 years old right now so it wouldn't be easy to start from scrath raising children at that age, but at the moment, they are in good health and financially able. My husband's parents are in medium health, and don't even live together!
Posted by Candice at 5:58 PM
She will be 4 years old in the next couple weeks! :D I'm trying to think of what to do for her birthday and it's really discouraging because I have very few friends and family members with children that I can invite to a birthday party. One cousin has a 9 year old and a 1.5 year old, one has a 1 year old and a co-worker has a 6 year old. That's IT for children I know around here!
Nora goes to daycare and so her friends are the kids in her group... But I don't know the parents so of course, to leave their 3-4 year olds with me at my home would probably not be something they'd accept (and I wouldn't feel comfortable with that either) and to have them stay for the duration of a party at my home would be weird since I don't know them.
So now the options are:
1) not do much. Have me, my husband, my parents, brother, cousin and daughter and my best friend and... not do much.
2) take the birthday package at an amusement place around here with lots of games (slides, ball pens, mini-putt, climbing) I would think parents would more easily accept to drop off their kids at a place like this, and if they'd rather stay, they'd feel more comfortable doing so.
Option 2 is a bit expensive (it's 150$ for 8 kids) but it's the only way to have a children's party. Also, it includes a snack and drink, a cake, a separate room for gift-giving and all that, decorated and 60 minutes of entertainment.
Option 1 is boring, but would allow me to buy a better gift for Nora with the money saved.
I decided I will be spending that amount either way so it's really deciding which way better spends it for a 4 year old. With the children, they will give her gifts too maybe 10-15$ worth each on average I guess, which can be counted as another "plus". I feel like I really want her to have fun with friends for her birthday - that's what is best about birthdays, isn't it?
What do you guys think? Save that money for her, or throw her a party?
Posted by Candice at 1:29 PM
Thursday, April 21, 2011
This is a weird topic. I had never thought of this (and don't plan on looking into it for myself) but a friend just told me she has a life insurance policy on her parents.
Basically, when they die, she will get like 150 000$. I find this idea a bit creepy... I think if the parents are perfectly OK with the idea, it can be OK for them, but there's something so weird about making money when your parent dies! The sooner they die, the better your investment. The longer they live, the less your investment is worth it! It's like conflicting interest, isn't it?
It still creeps me out! But it did get me thinking that like her, I could stand to invest 50-100$/month somewhere... So I'm looking into my options. I want to keep interest to a minimum in my life (although I do plan on getting a home and will need a loan for that) so I'd like some Islamic options if you can help me out! Stocks are OK Islamicly, right? It's not about interest, but basically investing in a winning business...
Thanks you guys
Posted by Candice at 3:06 PM
Thursday, April 14, 2011
It's traditional that the man in a relationship be older than the woman. That's just "how it is". I think that most people consider themselves to be of the same age when they're both in the same year and that age difference really starts when you go over that 1 year difference.
I found it so funny how weird my husband finds it when the woman is older - even by 2 MONTHS! His friend was engaged to a woman 2 months older than he is and he mentioned it more than once on how he could never do that! I really don't get it! What's the big difference in 2 months?! They're both the same age!
What is the age difference in your relationship? Have any of you noticed cultural differences about difference in age and attitude towards it?
Posted by Candice at 11:39 AM
I've been looking for a purse for over a year I think. I got "stuck" on a blue purse I saw that was just perfect but decided not to buy it because of the price. Idiot me. Now I find myself still looking for "that purse" I fell in love with and can't imagine settling on a different style and colour. I decided to search online and found this:
It's exactly what I'm looking for! But it's even more expensive than the other one! I've never paid 100$ on a purse and find it kind of extravagant. I normally buy cheap purses that last forever... But they all SUCK in style and I just can’t find something I like.
What do you guys think about this one? Seems worth it? Seems too much? I know this varies so much though from person to person... I need some opinions though!
Posted by Candice at 11:36 AM
Thursday, April 7, 2011
By polygamy. The more I read about women who had to suffer through that, the more I just feel this disgusting feeling inside myself at the sight of the word!
Those disgusting men who go behind their wife's back to marry another - And think they are doing something halal! Astaghfirallah, no matter what any person comes up with as "proof" that it's OK to secretly marry behind your wife's back, I will never accept the ruling. I don't care if there's nothing stating the wives have to be aware of each other's existance, a marriage is a PUBLIC RELATIONSHIP and you'd think that when it's secret it loses the meaning of marriage! How can lying and deceiving be considered Islamic, no matter why the person is lying and deceiving his wife?! Someone answer that!
I'm just outraged at so many polygamist situations I see out there. And the amazing women that try their best and suffer through it. Enough is enough! They do not have to live through constant fear, worry, insecurity. That is NOT a marriage! I can't stand the advice that is given sometimes of, "the more you suffer and tolerate, the more you do, the more Allah will reward you." Can't a woman be told that there's a way out and she is being wronged and ripped of her rights and that she has recourse for that!? That she deserves to be happy in this life without being told it will sacrifice the hereafter for her? I keep seeing Muslimas basically giving advice for women to stay in abusive relationships. I can't stand that. I cannot respect a woman who doesn't believe in a woman's right to some dignity.
Anyway, huge rant here, I just needed to get it off my chest.
To pro-polygamy readers: I don't really want to start with what polygamy "should be" because that's not what my post is about. I'm glad to read that some people are perfectly happy and satisfied in polygamy, but honestly it still makes me uncomfortable. There always seems to be something missing in this type of relationship to me but if others make it work, that's great. My marriage is a happy one between one man and one woman and there are issues there too - I guess we all have some things that are not 100% great whether it's poly or monogamy.
Posted by Candice at 12:45 PM
Monday, April 4, 2011
When one of the partners is doing things that are unislamic, I think no one can argue that we should advise them and support them and direct them towards the right way... But how much is too much? When does divorcing become the better option?
I see people (women mostly is my experience) dealing with a LOT from their husbands. Things as bad as abuse (physical and emotional)... Husband not providing (not finding work or making much effort to, living off the wife)... I think these are very bad and that there would be no harm on the woman if she decided to file for divorce for these reasons if they didn't improve in a certain amount of time. I see this view being generally accepted by Muslims.
There are other situations that are not as bad (from experience, this is both men and women). The partner is not the ideal Muslim... He or she doesn't pray or give his annual zakat. He engages in things that are haram; maybe occaisional gambling or drinking... He or she doesn't have Islam as part of his everyday life and God has taken a bit of a second priority behind things like work, children, family, etc. and there are disagreements between the two spouses on whether or not things are Islamic (maybe a woman arguing that hijab is not obligatory and not wanting to force their daughter to wear it at puberty)
In situations like the second one, where one partner is trying to be a very practicing, dedicated Muslim and is being "brought down" in a way by the other partner because they are not practicing along with them and might have different beliefs, can this be a cause for divorce? My view is that no, it is not. I believe that person who divorces in this case is displeasing God with the act (but only God knows for real).
Was a committment not made to the spouse? Is this committment not important enough to tolerate having to work harder in your deen to maintain it? Is the possibility of divorcing and finding someone with a higher level of iman worth causing hardship and hurt to spouse and children and dishonouring the committment made at the time of marriage?
I have just been seeing a couple Muslims with this point of view of "just get rid of him/her" when there are issues. In the situation I have in mnind, it was in the early months of marriage and no children were involved, but I had also seen on this person's blog that if their spouse (who is a dedicated, practicing Muslim) would stop being as strong in her faith, he would no longer love her. That the love was directly connected to her level of faith. It was shocking to me! I understand not loving a spouse unconditionally and even I don't think it's healthy to love no matter what... But combining the advice given to another person and this statement, I concluded that it's a possibility this person would divorce his wife (even if they have been together for 10 years and have kids) if she stopped being the "ideal muslimah". I might be reading way too much into it, but it really made me wonder what other people think the line is between "good reason to divorce" and "gotta tough it out".
This person I have in mind seems to divorce quite easily even if he is a Muslim taking his religion very seriously and "to the letter" while I see so many people who are not as practicing who will tolerate a lot and put A LOT of effort into a marriage before even thinking of divorce.
What is your take? What is the best Islamic balance in situations when the marriage is having problems?
Posted by Candice at 12:06 PM
Just a bunc of questions about your dowry:
Just wondering if you guys wanted to share because I'd be really interested. How much did you get/give? Did you ask or was it offered? How did you make the decision to accept or not, or how did you make the decision on a certain amount or certain material thing for your mahr? Where are you from? Is the amount you asked or were given based on cultural norms of what is to be expected or 100% on what you wanted and needed?
Posted by Candice at 12:03 PM