I've had moments where I felt angry towards my husband for starting a business at the same time as us having a new baby. He is on paternity leave for 5 weeks... 5 weeks that are given for a dad to have time with his new baby and time to help the mom. I felt robbed of that. And I was getting frustrated about being "robbed" of luxury during this time too because of having to live off my reduced salary with no help from my husband's (since it's going into the business).
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Things are better now. I am seeing the positive lately and actually feel very thankful for my husband today. First, it's easier to see the positive when the income from mat leave starts to roll in and I can actually manage with it! It's not luxury but it' enough! Second, with the business opening officially Friday, I realized how many hours my husband is putting in and how much he is trying to do for me too. He is taking the responsibility of bringing Nora to daycare and whenever I called him or told him Nora was being difficult during the weekend he just told me to bring her over to the store and he'd take care of her. :)
He is not demanding that I make meals for him and has not mentioned any of the times that I didn't get him anything. He has been thankful of the little meals I managed to bring him this weekend and thankful of the few hours I spent helping or even just at the store doing nothing. I am able to see how much he loves me and wants to do more and give more. And how much he wants to spend time with me... But can't with all the work that is to be done.
Basically... I'm so happy with him. I enter phases where I'm frustrated with the situation but today everything seemed so clear. He really is doing all this for us, even if I was not 100% on board. And he's doing his best within this situation.
This perspective came in large part from a conversation I had with a friend the other day. She got me to see how much my husband is doing compared to the average Arab husband/dad already. And when I factored in the hard work with the new store and the way he looked at me when I went in to the store for 1 minute earlier today, it became clear.
Oh, I'll get pissed off again, probably in the near future even! But the truth is still clear that my husband loves me, loves the kids and is working hard for us all to have better in the future.