Thursday, September 15, 2011

The: "What Can I Do?" post

People who are addicted to games use the games to achieve and get a sense of worth...

So I realize that I need to ask myself the question... What can I do? Obviously my husband has some issues with his real life or he wouldn't need to turn to games. Me and Nora ARE his real life. What can I do to make him feel like being dedicated to his family is an achievement? What can I do to make him WANT to accomplish this for us?

I'm not the easiest person to live with - especially not for an Arab. I ask A LOT more of him than his mother ever asked of her husband, or of my husband. And probably the worst thing is that I have a tendancy to yell and insult. And the insults can hurt I'm sure, especially since they're based in truth. I might say those things mostly because I'm angry and in part hoping he will wake up and realize that it's (at least partly) true and he needs to change, but it probably has the opposite effect of making him feel even crappier about his home life and better about his online life.

What should I do?

NOTE: My husband has a lot of qualities and doesn't always play games to the point of making me feel like I do lately. Some women married to men with gaming addictions refer to themselves as widows, but I'm really not there yet! Just going through a tough little spell and I guess he is too...

4 Comentários:

Amalia said...

I have a similar problem although my husband isn't into gaming. His addiction is twitter, facebook and anything else iphone related.

I swear he never puts down his phone even when we leave the house and it drives me crazy. All I want is to spend some family time and he'd rather tweet about every little thing that he sees or does.

As soon as we get home he gets straight on the computer and like your hubby he likes to put Nora in front of the tv instead of play with her.

And like you, he has a lot of good qualities and is a good dad most of the time lol, but lately I find myself more and more frustrated.

I wish I had an answer of what to do about it. I am a very calmperson and I tend to just grit my teeth and get on with things. If I say something to him he gets really upset, sometimes I wonder if he even realises it's a problem.

truth said...

You and Amalia both r lucky enough of getting a non alcoholic, drunkard, club, bar and women addicted husband.
You just try to mention his (husband of both of yours) best qualities and tell him " my dear darling, you are my loving husband and I too love you too much but, " your addiction to computer make me little bit frustrated". Can u help me minimizing its use please?.
When you praise your husband honestly ( I repeat HONESTLY ), sure he will try to minimize his addiction and also help you reduce your tension if he is really a loving person.
yelling never helps you solve this type of trivial things.

Candice said...

"truth" you must for sure be a man! But yes, I am happy be doesn't have all of those other addictions. I'm also unhappy he has this one.
And yes, you seem to understand his side pretty well. He doesn't respond to yelling and he's always closer to responding when I'm nice and loving. It's just hard to be that way when I feel like I was. This weekend is our weekend together though and at least he doesn't game during the day so we are spending time together as a family. I just think that 2 days every 2 weeks is not enough.

Amalia: You sound much more patient than I am! :P I think a lot of times they don't really see that there's a problem. Or they know there is one, but they can't connect the dots to figure that their gaming/gadget checking is a main cause... I donno though really.

Becky said...

As someone who do have addiction tendencies myself, I can tell you the one thing I do, to help kick the habit when it gets too much, is asking myself (kindly, I try to always speak kindly to myself), is this how I want to spend my life. Is this how I want to remember spending my time 5-10-20-50 years from now. But it'll be difficult to say that to someone else, without coming across as judging.

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