Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Things I Want (spiritually)

Simply, I want to increase my spirituality. Just in a general way. I'm trying to figure out how to make that happen.

A friend of mine (has become more of an acquaintance over time) did a program focused on something to do with farming for her studies. Since completing her program, she has worked full time on a sheep farm and just recently changed jobs to working with horses. Just hearing about her work made me think of how much my work brings me down spiritually.

I make a good amount of money but I will never be satisfied in this line of work! In fact, it's the ONE DOMAIN I have avoided ever since it came into my life. I refused to make any effort in economics class in high school because of my hate for the way money runs the world and changed into a much less interesting program in college because the advanced Social Sciences program had a focus on economics. And here I am not only working for a finance company, but a high interest loan place (lure and fuck over as many poor idiots with no money-management skills into debt). I have dreams where I am simply angry at the company and at myself for working there... I can't tolerate it for too many more years!

To continue with the goal of my post... I want to become a spiritual person. I want that connection with "something". I feel unsure if that is with a personal God... Or if the God I believe in is more of a Creating Force that that worshipping him would be better done by respecting and connecting with the forces of the world (nature)... It's all kind of jumbled, but the longing to connect is so there.

6 Comentários:

Susanne said...

I enjoyed this and hope you find what fills that longing in your heart.

Stephi said...

Feeling "lost" is a normal part of life. And seeking a spiritual growth is even more so!

Advice from the random stranger: Get a different job. That in and of itself will effect your spiritual growth tremendously. You said it yourself, you are angry with yourself for working in this company. LEAVE! Even if you lose money... If you let the pay dictate where you work, then what does that say about trying to connect with a God that wants you to respect and connect with the forces of the world?
Be the change you want to see (someone much smarter than I said that).
Change is only scary at first, and then you adapt and it becomes normal then you start looking for the next thing to change.

lala said...

Sad you are so unhappy at work :/ can't be good for your soul to feel bad about what you are doing.... Can you volunteer to test out other opportunities while sort of atoning? Lol. Would help you network as well and see what other things might be out there.

Candice said...

Susanne: Thank you!

Steph: The thing about my job is that even if I hate the idea of it (a lot), I like the people I work with and the tasks that I accomplish daily are OK too, boss is nice and it's simply not hard to wake up in the morning to go to work. So there's that part also that I'm satisfied with (along with the pay).
I plan on waiting to see how we live on 55% of my pay (the second 25 weeks of maternity leave) and if we are able, I will find something else.

Candice said...

lala: Very good idea! I am actually not miserable at work even if the company and what it does and stands for angers me... But volunteering would be great! I already know I want to become an elementary school teacher though :)

Lady of the Ozarks said...

I went on a similar spiritual journey when left Catholicism and Christianity. I ended up becoming Pagan. I feel spiritually happy and "at home" with my soul there. I hope that where ever your spiritual journey takes you, you have the will and strength to keep going and keep exploring your heart. Perhaps Islam is best for you, perhaps it isn't. I wish you joy, happiness, and courage where ever this spiritual journey takes you. Oh, and if this job makes you unhappy and is affecting you spiritually you may consider looking for a new job. Just remember to find a new job before you quit this one. :-)

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