Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Family still in Egypt - a bit of a personal marriage rant

I am at a bit of a low point again. I felt better a couple days after my daughter left... She is having a pretty good time and as long as she is fine, I can be OK and start tolerating the 3.5 weeks we will be apart. She is still fine although she misses me. They are over half way through their time there and things will go back to normal soon enough - I just can't wait.


I'm at a low point though because it has been difficult with my husband. I don't like to publicly go over everything and I stay away from doing that when serious problems are happening, but these little problems like right now...

It's frustrating...

He has been good about contacting me each day... But it always feels like it's a chore for him to talk to me and like I'm prying when I ask what they did every day and when I ask for details on who they saw, what happened, etc. I know it's because he feels he has not done much and he has been there 2 out of 3.5 weeks already... People are promising to meet him and, Egyptian-style are not showing up. Time is going by fast for him and soon he'll say goodbye to his family for another 2 years maybe.

I get that it's hard, but in all our relationship, he has never managed to put his own feelings to the side to think about mine. I am missing Nora like crazy and feeling so lonely. I have no energy to go out and distract myself like last time because of the pregnancy and I am making sure I put that aside so we can have regular style conversations without tension or too much emotion between us...

Of course, my questions wanting to know everything they did are a symptom of my missing them, and my questions are also triggers to making him feel like he has not done enough during his time there... But I still wish he was able to make extra effort for me. It always seems like I'm asking or hoping for too much when it comes to these things. He's overly emotional, but not AT ALL sensitive to my needs and emotions. It's like a lose-lose for me! If he was at least not an emotional person and also wasn't sensitive to my emotions, it'd be win-lose. If he was an emotional person but was also sensitive to my emotions, it'd be a lose-win. This is just a lose-lose. lol

Anyway... Men generally suck at relationships and feelings and Egyptian men more than others (lol). Gotta just suck it up with the thought that men are weak and women are strong and NOT cause more of a burden on him by blowing up. He's taking care of my baby after all! Wouldn't want him to have even more emotional crap going on.

6 Comentários:

Kiddy said...

It's hard for him to be so emotional,I know what I speak of because I'm an extremely emotional person. It would be great if you tried to put yourself in his place and listen to him as he communicates his feelings to you about what he is going through.He feels everything more intesly than you and therefore he suffers.

Sarah said...

I can only imagine what it's like being separated from your child for so long. Yes, men can be a bit less empathic sometimes... the only thing I could suggest is to explain really clearly how you're feeling and what he could do to help you feel better, and try not to express it in a too emotional way. But you're probably already doing that. I hope he'll get better at considering your feelings.

Candice said...

Kiddy: I feel like I am trying to put myself in his place but I guess I'm not giving him exactly what he needs. Probably needs more space, but that's something I can't give him - I have feelings too and I need to see my daughter. If it was just him gone, space would be easy to give.

You sound like someone who has been in a relationship with a woman who is maybe less emotional...

Sarah: He apologized a bit yesterday with an IM which was nice. So hopefully it's a sign of things to come!

Susanne said...

I can for sure see why you want details of what they did! It's part of staying connected and being involved in your loved ones' lives. Hello, Nora's your daughter and you miss her!! I'm sorry he doesn't share as freely as you would like. I think guys tend to be that way..or they want to share on their own terms and find questions too bothersome. Blah! I would want to know what they did too. I hope things are improving. Soon they will be home. :)

Candice said...

I saw Nora a lot today :) He went to a "club" which for me looked more like a large playground with an area that had chairs and food and followed Nora and had the camera on her through Skype for an hour or so and I saw her before she left for the club too :)

She is on energetic kid!! When the little cousin tagged along, it's a good thing he listened to Ahmed's main order to follow Nora or he would have lost one of them! Other than running after Nora from toy to toy, he couldn't keep up (climbing all over, sliding, etc.)

Becky said...

I'm so happy to hear you got to see Nora :D sounds like she's having a good time, although I know it must be incredibly difficult to be apart from her for so long. Not too long now and you'll have her back though :)

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