Saturday, June 25, 2011

Blue Valentine (and the oral sex scene)

I just saw Blue Valentine yesterday. I hardly watch movies but I have watched 3 in the past week and a half since Nora and Ahmed left. First was X-men. I liked it! It was cool. Then Burlesque. I really didn't like it, it was very weak. And yesterday, Blue Valentine.


I really loved it. It was just so real and raw. They were like real people living real lives and going through real problems. Not Hollywood problems. Their love story is not a Hollywood love story, it's a real story of falling in love not very different than a lot of people we might know. Their marriage was not Hollywood bad, it was just REAL.

I recommend watching it to anyone, really. I watched it with a friend and it's funny how different our take was when the movie ended. My point of view as a wife and mother who has had real problems with her husband and tried to work it out vs. her point of view as a single woman never having been in a long term relationship.

Now onto the oral sex scene.

Seriously! What was the big deal about this scene that made it merit a NC-17 when so many other movies that are way more inappropriate for teenagers are not just rated R but even PG-13!!! Blowjobs are all over the place and they are just fine for teens to watch these days, but a female receiving oral sex is not?

I really find that it sucks that women enjoying oral sex is something that can almost not be talked about. It was the first time I'd seen a scene like this in a movie. And I know that I have pretty much never talked about women receiving oral sex with my friends but oral sex on a man is so easy to talk about. Same with female masturbation now that I think about it. Is there something wrong with females enjoying sex?! You'd think not with our "open" society but something is just wrong with the picture isn't it?

Back to ratings: I think they need to be re-evaluated! Big time! A lot of movies that are marketed towards teens should be rated R or even NC-17. There is so much sex in there (that is a lot worse and more inappropriate for young people than couple seconds of a woman enjoying oral sex). So much violence too - another major problem with ratings. Movies with a lot of violence are very accessible to young people and hardly ever require a mature age to view. It's just not good!

What is your opinion? Did you see this movie and what did you think of it overall, and the oral sex scene? How do you feel about oral sex on women being so much of a taboo compared to oral sex on a man? In your personal experience, is it more difficult for people to talk about women's pleasure than men's?

10 Comentários:

Candice said...

No one has any comments? Are people uncomfortable with the subject or just not interested?

SS said...

it looks like you are exploring sexlum and lustlife.

Candice said...

I see what you're doing... Suggesting my blog might as well be named Exploring Sexlum and Lustlife because I talk too much about sex for you?

I'm pretty sure I can count the amount of posts about sex on one hand. And this is out of over 200+ posts I have on this blog. Thanks anyway for the suggestion.

Amber said...

X-Men - are you talking about the new one (First Class, which is made of awesomeness) out in theaters, or the old one with Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart?

Okay, on to the rest of the post. I haven't seen the movie Blue Valentine (no explosions or monsters. I'll be honest and admit that 'regular people' problems kind of movies don't generally appeal to me. I'm simple in my needs.), so I don't know what the issue was. Exactly how explicit was the scene? Did they show the act itself, with shots of the woman's vagina? Or was it done more like the scene in Black Swan? Have you seen that one? Anyway. There's a sex scene in Black Swan with one woman giving another oral sex and that movie only rated an R.

I'm not really sure how or why the people who rate the movies decide to draw the line between R and NC17. It seems, at my best guess, to be the level of explicitness for the act being shown. If you're going to show a woman kneeling in front of a man, making sounds, well, it's clear what she's doing, but you don't *see* it then it can be an R. If you *see* her actually fellating the man, see his dick, etc. then it's NC17 because it's going to the porno place. But I could be wrong, that's just based on my experience. I've also never seen a movie that got an NC17 rating from violence. It's always about the sex, which makes me think that it's due to some latent prudishness in the culture and feeding the more conservative elements that still exist.

It's funny, the difference between whats acceptable and what's not in different cultures. For example, I'm very much into anime and manga, which come out of Asia. Primarily, out of Japan. Now, in a show aimed at children here in the states, you would never see a bodily function (peeing or pooping), or anyone's privates. But in an anime aimed primarily at kids (DragonBall Z), in one of the movies, they showed the little boy peeing on someones head. And they have absolutely no problem showing womens breasts even in non-adult context manga/anime. However, when you get to the more adult types, they will show you everything. Except for the mans penis. Which makes it particularly amusing since the artist draws it and then it's sort of whited/blurred out so you get the idea, but not the drawing itself. So you are looking at a really pretty, detailed drawing of the woman (or man in some works) being penetrated, but you can't see the penis that's doing the penetration.

Probably more information than you needed, I know. But since I haven't watched the movie...

I don't understand why there's such a difference between the attitude toward oral sex on a man vs. oral sex on a woman, unless it has something to do with the perception of the person who is giving the pleasure. It's one thing to show penetrative, vaginal sex because that's mutually satisfying. And it's another to show the man being pleasured because then it can be assumed that it's all about his enjoyment - since women don't enjoy giving oral sex at all, of course. /end sarcasm But to show a man doing something that (theoretically) only brings pleasure to his female partner? Without explicitly getting something out of it himself? Seems to put him in the submissive role, and that might twig on some peoples deep seated instincts for what is 'normal' i.e.: the man is *always* the dominant partner. *rolls eyes*

That's all I've got! :)

Sophia said...

I haven't seen the movie, but I want to, I've heard good things. I don't know what the taboo over oral is about, but I know I've never been comfortable asking for oral myself. I will point out that their are movies that show women having PV sex with men and men having sex with men (Brokeback Mountain) that were only rated R. Their are several comedies and such showing women enjoying orgasm but usually it involves penetration. Maybe men don't like the implications of pleasure without a penis being involved?

As for the rating system, don't even get me started! The MPAA is a fascist organization in my opinion - the documentary "This Film Is Not Yet Rated" is worth watching. Fortunately, Blue Valentine won its appeal and became R rated.

Sophia said...

And also, where in the Quran or Hadiths does it say you can't blog about nooky? ;)

Candice said...

Amber: It was the new X-Men (First Class). I really liked it but got confused in some parts because I am not super familiar with the story except for seeing some movies a while back. But it was really more interesting than the other X-Men with the background story and all.

The scene in Blue Valentine was actually not that explicit. I mean, we saw her lying on the bed with him at the foot of the bed with his head between her legs. No actual parts showing and they were dressed. So it's like the equivalent of the woman in front of the man moving her head except the other way around on who's getting the pleasure!

It is weird about what is acceptable and not in different cultures. Sometimes even between Quebec and Canadian/American culture there can be differences (hate to use a slash between those, but seriously, most of what anglo-Canadians watch is the exact same as what Americans watch)

You might be onto something about what people feel comfortable with and what people see as "normal". I don't know why oral sex on a woman shouldn't be "normal", but it's just plain true that it isn't. Even I don't feel that comfortable with it which is weird because I'm open-minded about this stuff. It seems to be mostly about culture and roles.

Sophia: There really is a lot of discomfort about women getting oral sex. I feel that way too. I feel more open about it here, but I'm not sure I'd have this conversation with most friends even.

I should watch This Film Is Not Yet Rated. Seems interesting. Thanks for the comments! :)

Becky said...

Sorry for the late reply, I've gotten backlogged on my posts marked for commenting (I save posts for reading, then read them on my phone, then mark them for commenting :P )

I haven't seen the movie, but it sounds interesting! One of the things I love about Danish movies is that they tend to deal with more "real" people, real emotions, situations etc. (Hence why we're the masters of Dogme movies (handheld camera, only music that is part of the scene (such as someone playing the piano, or turning the radio on), actors wear their own clothes and actresses do their own make up, no special effects etc.)

Not dogme, but still much more realistic than most Hollywood movies, my favourite director is Susanne Bier (who just won an Oscar for best foreign language movie, Hævnen (think it's called, In A Better World in English, although the Danish title means The Revenge), which sadly (shame on me!) I haven't seen yet, soon inshAllah). My favourite movies by her include Brothers (they just released, last year, an American remake by the same name, starring Tobey Maguire, Jake Gyllenhaal and Natalie Portman. It's a remake, but stays very true to the Danish original), After the Wedding (nominated for an Oscar), Open Hearts and her American movie, Things We Lost in the Fire (starring Halle Berry and Benizio del Toro).

As for sex scenes, I really do not understand why women's pleasure is such a taboo (unless it is being given to her through penetration, which is COMPLETELY unrealistic, as the majority of women cannot orgasm solely through penetration).

Candice said...

I will need to watch at least one of Susanne Bier's movies! Something to do next week hopefully. Although I am all stuck on the show Dexter and can't stop watching it. lol.

Don't worry about replying at any time. With comment moderation I am always notified. I take a long time mostly always. haha.

Becky said...

Haha me too! My bf and I are watching it every day :P hahaha, which season are you at? We just started season 3 a few days ago...

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