Thursday, March 31, 2011

Having Two Children - Daycare Guilt

I'm a full time working mom right now... I will be off work for close to 1 year for the birth of coming baby and I was thinking of how things will be. Nora goes to daycare right now that she attends full time. It's very hard to get a spot in a place like that... The lists are a few years long.

Anyway, I checked and it seems that generally, moms keep their older child at the daycare even after the birth of a new baby. So following that, it would mean one year of one-on-one time with the baby (weekdays). I feel a bit guilty about liking the idea of keeping Nora at the babysitters and having that time alone with the baby. If I do that, I do plan on making it a looser schedule than she has now, like from 9-4 instead of 8-5:30 like it is now and of course keeping her home more often than she's able to stay now...

I feel guilty because technically, I'd be going back to work at practically the same time as Nora starts to go to KG so I wouldn't NEED to reserve her spot at daycare... I feel guilty about 1) not being the best stay-at-home-mom during that year since I'd be getting one child babysat full time and 2) taking a spot that another child could occupy for that year.

I checked and it seems that culturally, it's not something I should feel guilty about. And I really think I can be a better mom this way. Focus on giving the baby what I was able to give Nora and let Nora enjoy her daycare like she always does and have that extra bit of education(pre-school) t prepare her for KG that I might be too overwhelmed to give her if I have two kids full time.

What is your point of view on this? Has anyone accepted a similar luxury and how did it go? Anyone have personal experience of thinking this set-up could have helped them? Anyone think I'm exaggerating if I choose to continue to send Nora to daycare during this year?

5 Comentários:

LK said...

makes sense to me. But I'm a person who would wait to have my second child until my first could at least attend preschool (aka free daycare in some cases) since I'd never be able to handle two children 24/7...but I'm not so cut out for the maternal thing either lol.

If it helps you and you can afford it then why not? I know a lot of moms that do 3 days a week daycare for the older child so they only have two kids alone for 2 days at a time. That is something to consider as well. Its not bad for Nora to go to daycare. The social environment is good for her. But I understand feeling like you should have her home if you aren't working. its a tough choice.

.::Tuttie::. said...

congratulations! mabrook! I did not know you were expecting. mashaAllah.

may Allah swt grant you a healthy pregnancy and healthy delivery, may your child be born without any deficiencies, deformities or disabilities. AMEEN

Don't beat yourself up about it too much. I think most parents feel guilty and even if you had them both together you would still feel guilty that you are not spending enough time with your newborn.

I think you should keep the schedule as is since Nora seems to be thriving. Give yourself some breathing room when the new baby comes. Either way though just pray istikhara and inshaAllah all will be good.

Elisa said...

I don't have any children, but my sister has 2 boys (4 & 1). Her 4 year old goes to preschool while my mother (the boys grandma) watches the 1 year old until the 4 year old is out for the day. It seems to work just fine. It gets him in the mind set to be ready for "big" school :)
I'm sure it will work out just fine and there is no need to worry over it!

Helene said...

Candice, I think you will regret it. This is a time that will never come back, for you, and for both your children. Hugs. H

Becky said...

Follow you heart, but definitely do not feel guilty if you choose to keep Nora in day care (that's probably what I would do).

You need to consider what will be best for you, the baby and Nora. Spending time with other kids is incredibly important when a child is growing up, and having both kids at home might lead to Nora receiving less stimulation (socially, educationally, emotionally). I liked your idea about having her spend less time in day care though, I think that would be a great solution as it'll give you time to focus on baby and not stressing yourself out, and giving her a chance to spend more time with mommy!

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