Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Hymen

I have probably posted about this before but it really is annoying how important the hymen is in Muslim cultures! I understand the importance of having kept yourself until marriage, but the actual hymen can be broken in many different ways even if a woman has not had relations before!

Marriage should be built on actual trust! If you don't trust her, don't marry her! Women don't have this - we just have to trust that the man is telling the truth, and that's fine! I had no doubts about my husband. And he had to deal with the fact that he wasn't gonna get proof from me either and in the end, we both trusted each other and it just worked. It was almost a blessing because it allowed me to know he really trusted me.

Marriage should be built on TRUST!

16 Comentários:

Stacy aka Fahiima said...

Some girls aren't even born with a hymen. Why can't people just deal with the fact that there is no reliable physical indicator of virginity?

I agree. First parents need to trust their daughters and teach them to focus respect themselves enough to stay away from dangerous situations.
Boys need to be taught that a woman is still just as valuable whether she is a virgin, previously married, widow, or whatever.

Candice said...

Good points!

Amber said...

I am resisting the urge to fist bump the air and yell 'Preach it!' or some variation thereof. :)

Like Stacy pointed out some women are born without hymens and like you said they can be broken in so many ways. And I remember reading that even women who have hymens sometimes don't bleed or they have holes in them so they never really break. It's not like it's this one size fits all barrier that is identical in every circumstance.

So much of marriage has to be based on trust.

I really think half the fascination with having a virgin is the feeling of 'Mine!' and 'I conquered that!' *rolls eyes*

hijabrockers said...

MashaAllahhhhhh... I luv this post. So true! I've been telling my friends (guys) about this but they don't believe me. God!

Mona Z said...

I agree, it's ridiculous. Tampons are so taboo here, grown women haven't even heard of them often times. I hate that some girls can't ride bikes or do other things because they might lose their "virginity" doing so!

Candice said...

Thanks Amber!

Nurul: Yes, they don't seem to get it! My husband was iffy on it at first and still stuck on "being careful" for our daughter.

Mona: I hope my husband won't go THAT nuts for our daughter! I wouldn't want her to use tampons until she's married just in case, but for activities - come on!

For tampons, it's true, I seriously didn't find them in Egypt while I was there! But at least I brought a bunch with me. haha

wantowearhijab said...

Salam,
Can I re-post this please? Shukran!

Candice said...

For sure! Make a link or mention it's me and you can repost anything you find!

wantowearhijab said...

here's my repost-

http://aleesahabiba.blogspot.com/2010/12/hymen.html

Susanne said...

Great post! I remember one time I was reading a young lady's blog and she wanted to go horseback riding,but some friends warned her that her hymen may break and she seemed sad that she would be unable to do this after all. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!

lala said...

Great post! It disgusts me how this can can be an issue. If you're gonna have this attitude, check out a woman compeltely before marriage, but once you marry her... trust her or divorce her!

Qrratugai said...

Thanks for such an important post! It's depressing what a huge deal the hymen is in most Muslim cultures! I know of girls who have lost their virginity and have SURGERIES done to restore their hymens! I never understood -- and I hope I never do.

Nikki said...

No tampons!? Goodness, they're missing out. I guess they don't generally do things like sports and swimming, etc. that would require a tampon, though...

I wasn't a virgin, but I was honest to my husband about it. He was so thrown off guard that he lied to me and said he had sex with two women previously. I believed him because growing up in America and being naive about Islam at the time, it would have been a normal occurrence. He literally carried on this lie for at least a year. It did make me happy to find I was the only one when he eventually told the truth, I just wish I could have done the same for him. :(

Candice said...

Susanne: Wow, that really sucks for her!

lala: It's such ridiculous cultural stuff seriously. Like putting out the bed sheets after the first time to show the woman bled. That really made me want to go there with a bat and get some of these idiotic men.

Qrratugai: That is really ridiculous. With the amount of Muslim men who have had intercourse before marriage, they should be able to accept that a woman had it if she indeed did! It's no different! Who did they think they were having sex with anyway?! How can they all expect virgins if they have sex with a bunch of women before they get married?! One of my husbands' friends is one of those losers... Seriously frustrating to hear about how many women he sleeps with and how he expects a virgin when he finally gets married.

Nikki: Yeah, I can't stand pads, and I was like this way before I ever did the deed! My husband is mad at them but I think I may have simply been born without a hymen. Anyway, I have no clue what happened to it and I don't really care much. At least he trusts me though.

How interesting about your husband lying about it! I know a bunch of Muslim men who have had sex before marriage so it's not hard to believe at all. But I still wonder what his reasons were. It's great that you were honest with him, it's so important in a marriage. And at least he eventually told you.

Jennifer said...

Essalam Alaikum, I live in Algeria, and well, it is such a big deal here that the newly wed husband will (if the family isn't very religious but more into culture)take a cloth and then wipe the blood and take it outside for his and her family to see the next day. Then that will be preceded by all this noise (kinda hollering thing Arab women do) and happiness spread about because indeed she bled. Sad, it has no basis in Islam. Many families are totally against that here, now that Islam is more of a practice than just a name, but there are many families who believe it's very necessary. What I find most odd is that the person who pushes it most in the families are the grandmothers on both sides! I agree, trust should be the basis of a marriage to begin w/ and the families should mind their own business!

Candice said...

Yes, they should really mind their own business!! Crazy really... I'm sure a bunch of people fake blood on the cloth even if they were virgins. Simply, not every woman bleeds!

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