Wednesday, October 6, 2010

What to do -- seriously

I have talked about my "haram work". I work for a company that does high interest loans and have always felt uncomfortable about it. I have to put it away from my mind to work, and I succeed in doing that and quite like my work on a day to day basis. I enjoy my co-workers and my work space and some of the benefits we have (good pay, paid lunch on Fridays, bonuses, etc.) but I do have to always put effort into not thinking too much about what the company really is because it's not something I support. I'd feel ashamed to be my boss even if it comes with a million dollar house (and all that other material luxury).

I had no choice for a long time because my husband did not have a stable job. There were some periods where he worked or received some income, but not enough to pay the bills and it was not stable enough to be very reliable. But now he does. It's comparable to my salary so I could leave this job and get a small part time, even low-paying job and we would be able to make enough to pay what we have to pay.

I am a bit torn. I guess it's the material me getting in the way. I want to eventually have a house and it would take two salaries to be able to afford a mortgage. And I know that if I leave this work, I would have A LOT of trouble finding one that pays the same. And it would likely be a crappier job. I mean, right now I have my own office space, computer, a certain amount of respect in my work for being among the oldest 4 there out of 13 employees, independance to manage my work how I want, varied tasks, bonuses that are much more than I'd get anywhere else. The bad side being that it's all from interest. And it gets to me every once in a while that my salary comes from this.

I have options though and I'm thankful for that. I just need the strength to use them, I guess!

It's troubling because I sometimes feel like I'm not a "worker" type. I mean, I will not work overtime (boss wouldn't even dare ask). I am tired all the time. And I feel like I am not the "mommy/housewife" type either. I suck at cooking and hate it, I cannot imagine myself with many kids (right now I can imagine a second one but it came gradually!)...

So what am I?

I feel like I just generally suck sometimes. I think I'm probably low in something to feel tired all the time like that, so that could be fixed and might not be linked to how much I suck. And with work, I might be motivated to do more if it was something I actually respected myself in. And if I physically felt less at the end of my rope by the end of the week. I donno.

Sorry for such a downer post.

11 Comentários:

Becky said...

This must be an incredibly difficult situation. I'm not even sure what I would do, facing the same challenges.

Do you have any kind of skills, experience, education or training that would transfer well to a similar but non-haram job?

You live in Canada right, do you have to pay to go to college/university? Cause if you don't, then maybe you could study part time and work part time?

I completely relate to not being a "worker" type, but also not being the "housewife" type (though I don't have any kids yet). I know I'd go crazy just staying at home, but at the same time, I want to keep balance between my work and family life :)

InshaAllah, you will find the right path for you and your family.

LK said...

Sweety you don't need to leave your current job to look for a new one. Just start searching and applying while staying at your current job. You can always take personal time if you get an interview.

Good luck!

Candice said...

Becky: Well, I now have experience that can transfer well to other office jobs but no real diploma or certificate. I don't know how easy or difficult it is to find an office job like that... Not really my dream field either so I wouldn't feel especially motivated looking for an office job!

It has been one of the major things I make dua for. To help me find a solution to this work problem. And Allah gave me a "pregnancy scare" that seemed to put everything where it should be... In the end, I was not pregnant, but maybe it was a way to show me that it is something I want in my life. And to give me a chance to actively make the decision to try rather than be "put" into the situation.

I think I need to continue praying!

LK: You're right. I don't need to feel bad if I try to find another job... It's my right...!

cairo, lusaka, amsterdam said...

Tough situation :(
But considering the recession, maybe it's better to make sure you could find another job before quitting?

ellen557 said...

I get what you mean. I work in a bank therefore my entire salary is made up from interest. Blah :( But definitely keep your job while you look for other things - here in Australia (not sure about Canada), you have much better luck of finding a job if you're already employed.

Tanya said...

FWIW, I would encourage you to consider a couple of things. Alhamdulillah your marriage is moving in a better direction. But as a security for you in the event things didn't work out, I would encourage you to continue to work at a level that would allow you to support yourself and your son, just in case. Right now, your motivation to stay and work it out is not hampered by financial considerations and that is an ENORMOUS blessing. Enough said.

I agree with previous posters that you could seek other opportunities whilst continuing to work in your current location.

Will be keeping you in my duas...

Love and Sugar said...

I know it's easier said than done, but if I were in your situation, I'd quit asap. Actually, I have been in your shoes before - working for a bank in a call center. I wasnt even dealing with money but I still felt really uneasy so I left. Alhamdulilah. I felt so guilty for earning something that Allah (swt) wouldnt be pleased with. I know that by quitting the job, Allah (swt) will provide for me, He is indeed Ar-Razzaq (The Provider). Even though it may be tough for a while - you might not get what you want now, you will later inshaAllah - and when you get it then, you wont have to worry about your things being tainted with riba inshaAllah. It is best to read more into this as there's alot mentioned in the Quran, it's quite scary. May Allah help you in deciding which is best. Ameeen.

Candice said...

Thank you for all the good advice. :)

Anisah said...

Salam alaykom !!!
did you try applying at the hospital? They hire receptionists on call at first usually...starting at 15.00 an hour...and usually 2-3 days a week...
try it !!
I think it's a good idea you go part time... this way, you have some freedom and life of ur own while also giving the oppurtunity for your husband to b the main provider. Incha'Allah

BUT if ur planning on a baby soon, I would stick to ur job until u go on mat elave to make sure u get the most benefits ..
I even found out. that you can work someplace esle while on mat leave...I know I am prob gonna try to use this time to try out something a bit closer to home...

Candice said...

Anisah: When the time comes for another job, I will definitely try the hospital... I don't have the most flexible schedule though since my husband works 12h shifts. I need to always be able to bring and get our daughter on days he works (which vary). And hospitals are not the most flexible usually so that might not work out for us...

I am thinking more and more about a baby so I might leave this job with maternity leave. And definitely I will not leave the work until mat leave. Wouldn't want to miss my year!

Marahm said...

Living in the West, where the financial system is based upon interest, can cause distress for Muslims. I advise you to rationalize, and to assign high value to the reasons you are working at that job.

Exploring Life and Islam © 2008. Template by Dicas Blogger.

TOPO