Sunday, October 24, 2010

I'm pretty open

I believe in letting people make their own decisions as long as they are not harming others. I don't think I have any right to judge what others are doing based on my own beliefs or any right to make them do things differently... I agree with people having the choice to do and believe what they do, but it doesn't mean I agree agree with everything everyone does!

One of those things is "hooking up" or having fuck friends as they call it. I think sex should be between two people in a serious relationship (whether legally married or not). My best friend and I were texting this morning and she was with a guy who is not her boyfriend. They have slept together. Used to be boyfriend-girlfriend a long time ago and since then have done it a few times. She wrote that she didn't know if she should do it. I told her she should probably just get him outta there as soon as possible. She wrote back that she wanted to have sex with him asked if I really thought he should leave. I wrote that it was her decision, but that it didn't seem wise to sleep with someone just like that. That it wouldn't help her find someone who would actually be a potential boyfriend. She countered that she knows him and that it's clear to both that they don't want to be in a relationship. Asked: "Can that be so bad?". I wrote that it was hard for me to say since I was more old fashioned and believed that sex should be between two people in a relationship. That if she believed otherwise, it was hard for me to advise.

It made me think... Is there actually a way to make my point to someone who might not believe in God (not sure 100% but she sure doesn't ever ask the question, "Would God approve of this?") and has a past that is much worse than what she is doing now? She is a great person, really... But sex-related things are her weakness...

Maybe showing her the big picture? One night with this guy might not change much, but not stopping this lifestyle will never allow her to get into the serious relationship she would want to find and will never allow her to have children which she really wants.

5 Comentários:

Becky said...

This is a very difficult situation, I've had friends like this before as well. "I'm not looking for a serious relationship, it's just sex.", well, it's never "just" sex. I do think it could be good to sit down and have a proper conversation about it with her (but without judgement of course), but don't expect that she'll suddenly "see the light". Unfortunately, at the end of the day she'll have to make the decision for herself.

Zuzanna said...

Yah that's hard telling someone who may not believe in God, that relations like that should be between married people. I think in order to explain to her, you may have to really tell her how it is. For me the way I see it is that guys do not like easy girls that will sleep with them whenever the guy wants, without some kind of commitment. A girl that they someday want to consider for the future is a girl who he has to work for and keeps him waiting for certain things like those relations. If a girl gives it up quickly the guy already got everything he wanted from the girl so for him, there is no point in proceeding to in this case make her a girlfriend, wife etc.
Even with one of the worst examples of the guys from " Jersey Shore" they actually state that they do not sleep with girls who they actually like because it ruins things, and the girls they do have casual relations with, they get what they want from them which is "one good night" and it's done.
Waiting until marriage is the best thing. The build up is worth it.Imagine if the best part of a movie were in the first five minutes…what would there be to look forward to? They call it the climax for a reason.

Candice said...

It's hard to have a serious conversation like this with someone who I'm not used to talking about these things with. I know of what she does and did but she doesn't go into all the details with me because she has other friends for that who are more like her. We are hanging out friends and I have no part in this aspect of her life. If I sat her down for this conversation, it would basically be an intervention.

Normally I tell her these things little by little as they come up. Hopefully she will see the light but one day it will become necessary to have an intervention!

Anonymous said...

Praise the Lord

It is just plain not smart to have sex without taking cognizance of the fact that it produces oneness between the partners in question. All too often, people find out the hard way that we are never meant to break up after having sex. They end up heartbroken when a breakup happens, and only after it's too late, they realize the truth. If someone is treating sex so casually that this is not the result of a breakup, it is a clea sign that they have destroyed their ability to give themselves, to love. They have treated their own and someone else's bodies as mere toys. It is dehumanizing. For what it's worth.

May the Lord bless and keep us all.

Candice said...

Islam is a bit more open about sex, I guess from it allowing divorce and allowing polygamy. I do believe it's an act that is not to be taken lightly and it really bonds two people together in an important way though.

I wish someone would be brave enough to have a serious conversation with her about it. I know I would be a pretty good candidate for it because she actually respects me and I think she would give what I have to say some serious thought unlike if her mom was telling her these things.

I am pretty cowardly I guess...

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