Sunday, October 10, 2010

Her Last Name

My daughter has 2 family names. Yes, I gave her my name and what I thought was her dad's name. In the end, when my husband got to Canada, we found that they gave him a different family name than I put on our daughter's certificate, so she really has Nora _my name_ - _husband's second middle name_, which makes no sense at all. We will need to change it soon because she's starting to need to know her last name and right now, it's just not right.


My husband is very upset that I put my name in there and it makes things worse that it's there first and that his name is actually not even the right one so either way, it needs to be legally changed. I feel strongly about not wanting her to lose my last name, but am thinking that I could compromise with his name being first, especially since I want her to be proud of her Egyptian side and I know she will be proud of her Quebec-Canadian side because she is here and lives it.

My husband wants to drop my name altogether or put it as a middle name. I know lots of you will agree because Islamicly a child is named after her father... But she would be even if my name was in there. And her middle name is Bint-Ahmed! I added that part to make sure her dad's name was in there for the Islamic part of the name. It's simply fact that the way we name our children here is not the right Islamic way because it's a family name, not really the "father's name".

Sounds reasonable, right?

Nora Bint-Ahmed _last name of father_ - _my last name_

instead of his preference:

Nora _my last name as a middle name_ _his last name_

7 Comentários:

Nikki said...

My husband's saudi so there the children take the father's first name as their middle name (regardless of gender) and the father's last name as their last name. The Saudi wives keep their maiden names.

Here (midwest USA), only "progressive" women keep or hyphenate their last name so (as you see on my facebook) I now have the same last name as my husband. I like it that way because here at least if I kept my father's last name but my son and my husband had a different name, people would assume we were never legally married, and I don't want that. (especially working as a public school teacher where even your personal life has to set a good example)

Since we had a son, giving him his father's name as a middle name seemed natural. If we have a girl someday, insha'Allah as I hope we will, I'll feel funny giving her a) a boy's name as her middle name and b) the same middle name as her brother. My husband is dead set on it, though, as though it's law and not culture.

In the end, my nonexistent (yet) daughter's middle name is not that big of a deal. Most people I encounter have no idea what my middle name is anyway. At least in this country middle name's are rarely used, only initials so I guess I'll probably just let him have his way.

Candice said...

That's really interesting! Here in Quebec we are not allowed to take our husband's name really so it was never even an issue. And it has one of the highest co-habitation rates in the world (lowest marriage rates) so people never really think twice about if a couple is legally married or not. Just makes no difference to us. As a Muslim, it's nice that it's like that culturally here and that I don't have to put up with weirdness about keeping my last name like I might have if I was doing it where you live...

I felt weird giving my daughter my husband's given name as a middle name, but with Bint I felt more comfortable about it. Instead of people thinking she has a boy's name, they'll just wonder what it is and I can then explain that it means "daughter of Ahmed" and it's a cultural preference.

In Egypt the ID cards are always given name, father's name, grand-father's name, great-grand-father's name. They are often called given name, father's name although sometimes skip a couple to get something similar to our "family names".

Becky said...

In Pakistan the order can get completely messed up. IF the family has a special family name (and not all families do) it's in FRONT of the first and last name. And your "last name" is your father's first name - or if you're a woman and you're married, your husband's first name! So for example my love's name is like this:

(family name) given name (dad's first name)

Now try to explain THAT to the American authorities :P he's often been called by his family name instead of his first name :P

I've told him, I'm sorry, but I cannot take your first name as my last name, that just sounds wrong! And I cannot take his last name, because to him, that would make me his mum (as that's her last name), so most likely, I'll be keeping my name. I'd never consider getting rid of it, but I would consider having "my last name, his last name". However, here in DK, it's actually not the FIRST last name that's the most important - it's the last one.

Oh, and when we have kids one day, God willing, they'll get my last name too!

hijabrockers said...

But candy, the one that u chose will sound like ur husband's family got ur last name. LOL. And his version will sounds CLASSY (well at least in my country where being pan-asian is a very IN thing) =)

Najwa Pervin said...

My name is Najwa and u wont believe it but Pervin is my mother's sir name. My parents decided to give me a whole/complete name that wouldnt really be influenced by my dads name or husbands name in the future. But if i ever have to include my dad's name I write it as 'Najwa Pervin-my dad's name' and adopt my mom's sir name as natural part of my name :)

jana z. said...

and me? i was married but had not changed all of my ids, social security cards, nursing license etc etc by the time our daughter was born. he was not in the country yet so she had to take my last name!!! she has this name to this day but he is just now getting round to wanting to pay the money to change it.

to make matters worse, immigration misspelled my husbands first name. social security gave his first last name to me as my middle name. the last name that we went by for years suddenly became my middle name. so even if i had changed everything somehow our daughters last name still would hve been wrong. its all so freaking complicated.

Anisah said...

Salam alaykom, actually we are allowed to take our husband's last name in Quebec, BUT we must legally change it which costs a few thousand dollars.

That's a lotta names for a lil girl to remember!! kinda confusing too?

Also, I think Middle names is a christian thing...I could be wrong...

why do you feel so strongly about her having your last name?
Do you carry ur mum's?

anyhow..my thing is keeping it simple...no matter what her name is..she will be proud of her heritage no matter what.

A good friend of mine is half Egyptian and half Tunisian... She is so proud of both her backgrounds..but she has name of her father. Masha'Allah.

ciao!!

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