Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I think it's time for "the talk" with my parents

I have been wanting to tell my parents that I've converted to Islam but scared to do it. They are very accepting people and I know for certain they would never ever disown me or treat me any differently but I know they would be upset by this news. I don't want to upset them at all. I have put them through enough with going off to Egypt to meet a random guy, coming home pregnant and a bunch of drama afterwards. Let's just say they didn't have this in mind for me, and being Muslim is the last thing they'd expect. I guess I'm afraid to disappoint them.

It's not really a valid reason and the other reason I had was mostly that I was afraid they'd see me differently. I think that the way I have been gradually changing makes them see that I'm still me so this is not a good excuse anymore. I am not a newbie convert who made a radical change. I converted 1 year ago and have slowly changed while remaining who I am as well and they will be able to see that.

That makes me think it's time.

Other thing is that my husband mentionned it in front of them and they'd have been deaf not to hear. I have been ignoring the possible conversation coming where they ask me what it was about... But that's immature and I need to be the one to mention it first.

This Ramadan, one of my goals is to tell my family and close friends.

18 Comentários:

Nikki said...

ugh, you were talking about your parents and I was like "well at least I have THAT over with!" ...But then you had to go and mention close friends! heh, I think a lot of them will be less judgmental than my parents, but I'm still not looking forward to it. So far all I've told is my mom, dad, sister, and one friend. My brother, extended family, and all of the rest of my friends still don't know, although it seems they are finding out one by one as they see me out in hijab...lol, but that's not how I want it!

Insha'Allah I will get the courage for the "talk" this Ramadan, as well. I was Muslim for about 5 months when I told my parents, now it's been over a year since my conversion and I STILL haven't told the rest of my social circle. :/

NeverEver said...

I pray that it goes smoothly and easily for you! ameeen

you'll be on my mind and in my prayers inshaAllah

LK said...

Praying for the best :)

Rukhpar Mor said...

Good Luck! InshAllah it will go smoothly....=)

Susanne said...

Best wishes.

jana z. said...

candice, its not easy at all. i know it takes a great deal of prayer and buildup of strength.

lol we are so much alike. i went off to egypt, got married, pregnant at age 39...was terrified to tell my mom and left her a voice mail on her phone NINE weeks before my due date!!

we never want to disappoint our parents.

the thing is, you just have to force yourself to say it once you make up your mind. you almost have to go outside of your own mind so that you cant hear your head saying NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DONT DO IT and running for the hills.

inshallah, you can meet this goal for Ramadan and an honorable goal it is.

Banana Anne said...

I'll be praying for you that it goes well Insha'Allah!

ellen557 said...

InshaAllah it will go well sis! I think it will be better than you think, also I'm sure that they probably have an idea already ;) After telling some of my family, my aunt said that she always expected it so don't feel too worried, Allah (swt) will take care of you!

Ati said...

It's good for you to tell the truth now, because eventually they will get to know about it, and I think it's better that you tell them yourself rather than they hear it from other people. They can ask questions and you can clearly explain to them.

Good luck, my dear. I pray for all the good things in life for you. May Allah make it easy for you and your family, Insya-Allah.

cairo, lusaka, amsterdam said...

You'll be in my prayers sis...tough situation :(
Parents can often surprise you though - i'A they'll know it's still you.

Candice said...

Nikki: You have done A LOT! And you did it much faster than I did! I converted in July 2009 and no one knows at all! With time, you'll get the courage to do it I'm sure, you did so much already!

Jana Z.: Our stories are very alike! Only difference, I was 19 when I got pregnant, about to go off to university (first in my family!) and they had very high hopes for my future and my education. What a hit to have a pregnant 19 year old living at home and putting off her hopes for university indefinitely! I'm 23 and still haven't gone back and just can't since I'm the only income for the family. I hope to someday though, but not before my daughter starts school for sure.

Ellen: Yes, they do for sure. Even 1.5 years ago they asked me if I was Muslim.

Ati: They already kinda heard it from my husband in a fight (he wanted to upset me and them) but I tried to cover by changing the subject and my husband is not that clear when he talks so... I tried to make myself believe they just didn't hear, but they probably did. :S

CLA: Yes, insha'Allah!

Thank you to all the good wishes.

Stacy aka Fahiima said...

Aww I can understand how scary it will be. Just make lots of dua' first, and think carefully about exactly how you will bring it up. I think Ramadan is probably the best time to do so.

Candice said...

Yes. I am having a very hard time with Ramadan (a week before it even starts!) and at least them knowing I'm fasting will make me that much more relaxed. I might have to explainto them first that I will be fasting, the reasons why and then explain that I am Muslim and what it means to me.

estranged muslimah said...

Selam Candice,

I have only recently discovered your blog and am enjoying it immensely.

I feared speaking to my parents about becoming a devoted muslims and I still havent. Whilst they know its the big elephant in the room and causes for much awkwardness.

I encourage you to speak to them and face all issues that come with it. Allah swt will give you patience and strength.

I didnt and struggle everyday.Be a proud muslimah for some of us cant be.

Missy said...

Inshallah they take it well and don't treat you any differently, or look at your different either.

It took me a long time to tell my parents and they didn't like it and did treat me differently. But now, alhumdulilah, they don't.

I think it's best to tell them. It may open the door to make dawah to them, because might ask you questions (though mine did not).

Candice said...

estranged muslimah: Thank you so much for visiting! I hope you we find the strength to be ourselves with our friends and family soon.

Missy: It will hopefully make them respect Islam a little more. I hope very much they can convert someday... I sort of doubt it, but it's all in God's hands!

sakina08 said...

Salam Candice,

It sounds like the timing is good since you said your parents are fairly open-minded and now may have some idea of your religious inclination thanks to your husband! As Syedna Ali ibn Abi Talib has said, we often fear (and even hate) the unknown as we don't know what will happen exactly and we can't predict the consequences. Yet, often we build it up to be so much bigger in our minds than what it actually is in reality.

I view the situation of telling people of my conversion as 'taking off a bandaid.' You can take the approach of carefully and slowly pulling it off (maybe even getting it wet first), or just taking a deep breath and ripping it all off at once! The pain is minimal in the first option, but it takes a good deal of patience, careful planning, and a steady hand so as to not pull it too hard. In the latter option, the pain is intense, but only for a moment and then everything is back to normal (except better, because you have the ugly, disgusting, sometimes smelly bandaid off).

I'm taking the slow approach - I've been Muslim for a little over 2 years now and still haven't told them (you can go over to my blog to read the details of why, lol).

My God make the way easy for you, and may He give you strength for Ramadhan!

Candice said...

Thank you for your encouragement, Sakina!

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