I want to make sure my daughter grows up comfortable in her own skin and simply proud of who she is, inside and out. I have managed that for myself generally but not without struggles as a kid and young teenager, where I would be extremely cautious of my weight by the fraction of a pound.
Now I have no idea how many calories I eat per day and I feel comfortable in my body. It's not as strong and fit as before, it has a bunch of stretch marks from my enormous baby, it has some cellulite, it jiggles in some places, but it's ME!
No matter if my daughter Nora becomes chubby or rail-thin or has no ass and small boobs or a giant behind, I want her to feel satisfied with what she has. I think it starts in the home. Every little thing we say as parents, especially parent of the same sex, affects our children and how they perceive themselves. WE are the most important influence.
When it comes to body image, we need to be careful about what we say about our own bodies and others. We need to project satisfaction and confidence in ourselves, not our insecurities.
What are some specific ideas any of you have to help our daughters (and sons) have positive body image?
Thursday, December 30, 2010
I want to make sure my daughter grows up comfortable in her own skin and simply proud of who she is, inside and out. I have managed that for myself generally but not without struggles as a kid and young teenager, where I would be extremely cautious of my weight by the fraction of a pound.
Monday, December 27, 2010
What is the general idea on the evil eye when it comes to telling people about good things about to come or good things that have happened? Any general information to give me or article to read?
Posted by Candice at 5:22 PM
Please vote for the names you find would suit us best. Sibling is Nora!
Posted by Candice at 10:46 AM
Sunday, December 26, 2010
We've had the Xbox for a long time but I never got into it at all. I always wanted to have a Wii. When Xbox came out with Kinect, I knew I wanted to have it! And we got it!
Posted by Candice at 4:02 PM
Friday, December 24, 2010
I'm only working a half-day today for Christmas Eve, and we are having a pyjama morning so everyone is in sweat pants and sweaters, colourful pyjamas, whatever. I'm wearing an adult's onesie! So comfy and fun!
I have my change of clothes to go to Jumah afterwards. I have not been to Friday prayer in SO LONG. I went once since I started working full time almost 3 years ago. Tonight is going to be great being with my family (parents, brother, aunt and uncle, husband and daughter).
We got an Xbox with Kinect and will bring it to my parents' house! It's really so much fun!
Hope everyone will have some happy holidays!
Posted by Candice at 10:24 AM
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
I have probably posted about this before but it really is annoying how important the hymen is in Muslim cultures! I understand the importance of having kept yourself until marriage, but the actual hymen can be broken in many different ways even if a woman has not had relations before!
Marriage should be built on actual trust! If you don't trust her, don't marry her! Women don't have this - we just have to trust that the man is telling the truth, and that's fine! I had no doubts about my husband. And he had to deal with the fact that he wasn't gonna get proof from me either and in the end, we both trusted each other and it just worked. It was almost a blessing because it allowed me to know he really trusted me.
Marriage should be built on TRUST!
Posted by Candice at 2:23 PM
Thursday, December 16, 2010
What can be very disappointing with Muslims is the lack of unity between us. We pride ourselves on being one Ummah, but we are just as divided as Christianity and all its sects. Someone looking in quickly will find Sunni and Shia and the rest will not be apparent, but once a person actually enters the community, he or she will find disrespect between us based on small differences in belief, or based on how well a person is deemed to practice Islam. We are not united.
I actually wrote a polite comment on someone's blog saying that I found the way she expressed herself harsh to the point of seeming to disrespect not only different points of views, but as well, the people who hold different points of views than her's. I got a comment back saying that she had no respect for people who try to shove their points of views down her throat, which is all fine, but is not something I was doing. And a second comment she wrote after visiting my blog that actually included this:
"after reading a few of your blog entries about your attending Xmas parties and such. I just want to warn you that a muslim lady blogging about going to mixed Xmas parties seems a little....well...you fill in the blank."
Let's just say it's insulting. I mean, when you can't actually say the word and need to write "black", it's not the word "inappropriate" she was going for! I may be misreading, but I think she was going to say "whorish" or maybe was going for "disbelieving". Either way, she was insulting me as a person or as a Muslim.
Is this a way to treat a sister in Islam? She either was wrong in how she replied or she simply does not see me as a sister in Islam because of our differences. If that's the case, I can only say that she is exactly what is wrong with Islam today. We need to unite, not find ways to separate ourselves! I am not perfect and my beliefs are not the exact same as your's. We are all individuals but we have the same ultimate goal of submitting to and pleasing Allah!
Please sisters (and brothers), don't let our differences separate us! Let's all give a small push towards respect (even in disagreement) and it would go a long way. Because I do love you all for the sake of Allah. This includes my Christian and Jewish friends, and anyone who strives to do good and be better.
Posted by Candice at 3:03 PM
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Inspired by a post by Kaighla on Struggles of an American Muslimah.
Posted by Candice at 9:31 PM
Sunday, December 12, 2010
I just love it when my daughter dances. She's 3 and a half. It's the most adorable, innocent thing. She moves how she feels. She's doing contemporary style dancing and it's just so real for her! When it's time for the bath, she gets undressed and refuses to let me in the room and then runs out to tell me she's done and does the I'm-naked-and-it's-funny dance. It's just innocent and fun for her at this age but her dad doesn't find it that nice when she is running around naked, even if it's just at home and even if she's just a small child and doesn't really like the idea that she loves to dance. For him, she's just starting bad habits. We will want her to grow up to be a modest young lady who doesn't love to hang out naked. And to me, it's smaller details, but ideally, I don't want her to love pop music and dancing around to it. I love to dance myself, but if i rule out music with haram themes, I'm left with little to choose from. Love of dance as a kid or teenager will pretty much always lead to love of music with haram themes. So anyway, I agree with him that I don't really want her to get into that as an older kid/teenager.
Posted by Candice at 11:05 AM
Friday, December 10, 2010
This isn't very important topic for me, but I do find it an itneresting topic like I do hijab.
The jilbab is commanded by Allah to the sahabat (and it is assumed by people, to Muslimahs in general) in the Qur'an and it's pretty clear.
O Prophet! Say to your wives and your daughters and the women of the faithful to draw their JALABIB close around them; that is better that they will be recognized and not annoyed. And God is ever Forgiving, Gentle. (33:59)
And it is accepted that it means "overgarment" or "outergarment" based on the root of the word and tradition (the sunnah). An opinion that makes sense in not contradicting the Qur'an or the deemed authentic narrations of hadith is that a woman has regular clothing that she wears when she is not outside that she can receive company while wearing and pray in (so it is full hijab clothing) and that there is something else she must wear on top of that when going out in public and this is the jilbab.
A person might say that the jilbab can be worn without full hijab underneath since it wouldn't make a difference to the way it looks anwyay, being fully covered and all... but people argue that it would go against the definition of "overgarment/outergarment". It becomes simply a garment! A woman would not be able to remove her overgarment when she gets inside or she'd be wearing nothing. A verse that seems to support the view that it is an extra layer is:
And the elderly women, those who do not have hope of marriage, there is no fault on them that they lay aside (some of) their clothing as long as they are not making a display of their adornment. And that they refrain is better for them. And Allah is the Hearer, the Knower (24:60)
Elderly women probably have the same adornment to hide as any other woman. Adornment that needs to be covered with hijab. And the verses clearly says that this needs to be covered (she needs to be wearing hijab still), but she is not obligated to wear ALL the clothing other women wear. Other women have something more than hijab that they are wearing. An extra layer (the jilbab).
All of this information for jilbab being an overgarment makes a lot of sense, really (nothing really contradicts itself in this reasoning). But I think everyone knows that it's not proof of truth that it "makes sense". Lots of other explanations could make sense. This one might be the strongest opinion when we take the hadiths into consideration, especially with the mindset that society as it was in prophet Muhammad's time is the ideal society for a Muslim. Meaning, taking the fully literal approach as opposed to an approach that takes things in context. That approach could give a MUCH different interpretation. I won't go into that because I just don't have the knowledge.
What do you all think? And here is a "light" question:
Do you think an overgarment ceases to be an overgarment if it is worn without anything underneath?
Posted by Candice at 10:34 AM
Thursday, December 9, 2010
I was never a gossiper and I never enjoyed it at all as a teenager or later. But MAN in the past year or so, the situation has gotten CRAZY. May Allah keep me from all this gossiping going on at work!
Posted by Candice at 6:55 PM
Sunday, December 5, 2010
We are such a happy family with my husband working. It completely changed the way he deals with situations and changed the whole household. I feel like this is not the same marriage I was in just 3-4 months ago. He got laid off for a couple weeks (was told it could be up to Janurary) and then from his own initiative to call in instead of waiting for their call, he got 4 days of work (54 hours of work, which is worth practically a week and a half of full time work) and when he called me, I could just feel how happy he was to go back to work and continue contributing to the household financially. It really showed how much fear he had that it might go on longer and that he'd need to depend on me for this again... I think he even lalala'ed a melody of some kind when he was telling me he'd gotten work! It had only been less than two weeks!
Posted by Candice at 8:19 AM
Saturday, December 4, 2010
I had my office Xmas party at work yesterday evening. I had a pretty good time overall before 11pm. We had a baby pictures game where we had to guess who was who, we played a game where we had words we had to make others say and we had karaoke. We're only 15 or so at work so we're a pretty close gang and we enjoy each others company generally. My best friend, who I have mentioned on here a few times. The one who I feel would benefit most from Islam out of anyone else... She leads a pretty promiscuous type of lifestyle and just shows no hint of self-respect.
Posted by Candice at 9:49 PM
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I don't feel in any way that the traditional/orthodox interpretation by the leading ulama is the truth from God. A lot of what is contained is man-made and misleading to all Muslims who are told to follow this as it is God's will. In other words: There's a lot of crap contained therein!!!
Posted by Candice at 3:22 PM
Monday, November 29, 2010
Writing about how boring I've become actually made me think of a topic related to Islam that I could write about on here! YAY for that! It came up on sister Zainab's blog Arabian Panther and when I wrote a comment a few days ago, it came out as a story that would be better suited for a post than a comment. So here it is:
As a bit of time went on and I got married and pregnant and had my daughter, I stopped loving music so much. Didn't download or buy music anymore and didn't attend shows. It simply became unimportant. Then this became my normal. I realized that what I was before was not normal, but quite extreme, when it came to music. It was on when I woke up, between classes, while I did homework, while I cooked, when I rollerbladed, when I did the groceries, etc. It was on ALL THE TIME and I would not have tolerated a cold-turkey stop well for sure.
The new me didn't actively listen to music, but she still didn't think it was haram at all if a person did not go overboard. She still thought there was such a thing as a music lover doing it halal... But with examples like your's, a person who was responsible in how she listened to music, I finally realized that there is no way to prevent from going "overboard" because people who are overboard cannot see it!!!
Sorry for my long comment, but I hadn't thought about music in a long time and your post was kind of the concluding trigger for me. So thank you!
Posted by Candice at 10:02 PM
My blog isn't what it was and I know that. I loved writing about all sorts of little things (sometimes there were big things too!) about Islam that came to mind but I have no inspiration lately! The part of me that was thinking about Islam a lot calmed down a bit after I converted I think, probably just from feeling like I had figured out an answer to a lot of questions just in accepting Islam. But even after my conversion, my blog was not as DULL as this!! Since August when I went through some personal problems I've been disconnected with my blog because the bit of brainpower that was constantly "on" evaluating things with an Islamic point of view (and imagining how I'd write it on my blog) and the bit of memory I used to keep that information is now used in my family life, and that stuff is just not for the blog.
Posted by Candice at 9:42 PM
Saturday, November 27, 2010
If anyone knows where I can get powdered black kohl powder, PLEASE tell me! I bought some from Arabian Threads a while back for me and my friend and she gave it to an aunt over the summer and would like to have some more... But Arabian Threads is not selling any right now.
Posted by Candice at 9:49 PM
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Posted by Candice at 8:11 PM
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I read a pamphlet-like book yesterday on the basics in Buddhism and it was just amazing! The Eightfold Path is what really made sense to me in the way I see Islam. The author of this pamphlet said that Buddhism wasn't so much a religion unto itself than a spiritual supplement and although I know that's probably not the dominating opinion, it makes a lot of sense. Buddhism doesn't address every question, it only tells a person how to be better. There might be a few details that contradict Islam, but I don't think anyone could argue that applying the Eightfold Path will make a person better. Even a better MUSLIM. Click on the link to read a bit more about it; it's pretty brief, but still complete.
I don't know that much about Buddism and their other beliefs that might contradict with Islam, but what I read yesterday (The Eightfold Path) just spoke to me loudly. This is submission/peace.
Posted by Candice at 11:38 AM
Friday, November 19, 2010
I'm happy, tomorrow I will be going to an Eid event at a mosque about an hour away! It's for kids so it will have things for them like inflatable games which Nora will just LOVE for sure.
Posted by Candice at 7:49 PM
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I was watching a show where 5 contestants each day of the week make food for the others to be judged on and the winner gets I-donno-what. A contestant this week was a Morocan and in the commentary, the announcer kept mentionning Ramadan because the man would not drink alcohol and didn't like eating food that contained alcohol (but he did taste it, at least to be able to give the person a critic). I might not have listened well enough but I got the impression it was filmed during Ramadan and it was light out during the meals!
Posted by Candice at 9:17 AM
Monday, November 15, 2010
Happy Eid everyone!
Posted by Candice at 9:11 PM
In my previous post, I wrote I wanted to do something special for my husband... I'm going to make a list just for that but I need some help.
Posted by Candice at 8:40 AM
Sunday, November 14, 2010
I think I will make an official list of small goals I have for myself. It's just for fun and kinda just for me to remember and add to. I could just put it in a text document or something but I'd just forget it.
Posted by Candice at 9:32 PM
Posted by Candice at 3:09 PM
Monday, November 8, 2010
I got a call back from the owner just now and she really didn't like the idea of a dog here. Even temporarily fostering. Of course I guess she knew that if she allows a dog to live here once, then she'll practically have to allow me to have a second foster dog and then I'll eventually have had a dog here full time for a year and how say no to us getting our own after that?
Posted by Candice at 8:01 PM
Posted by Candice at 9:21 AM
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Posted by Candice at 5:49 PM
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
(Sorry for the caps) I HAD POSTED THIS BEFORE, BUT I WILL DO IT AGAIN AND THIS TIME JUST COPY AND PASTE ON MY BLOG. THIS IS THE LINK: http://shakethepalmtree.wordpress.com/2007/12/01/the-islamic-will-al-wasiya/
The Islamic Will (Al-Wasiya)
Posted on December 1, 2007 by Um Yusuf as-Siddiq
I wanted to post a *VERY* important reminder about the Islamic will (wasiyya). I cannot express enough how important this is. Here are some things I compiled about the will. A really great book on this subject is “The Final Bequest – The Islamic Will and Testament” by Muhammad al-Jibaly. He goes over the will and inheritance laws from A-Z.
The Obligation of Writing a Will
Writing an Islamic will is unfortunately neglected today, or not stressed upon enough to say the least. There are obvious reasons of not wanting to think about it, putting it off, or not knowing the importance of having one. But for Muslims this should be the opposite attitude – it is very very *very* important to have a will, and we should make it a priority to have one ASAP if we don’t already have one, and update it as often as needed. Nobody knows when they are going to die, so we should hasten to write our will. When a Muslim dies their will should be read and executed. Everyone has certain rights that need to be fulfilled, all of which were described and prescribed by Allah and His Messenger (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam)
•“It is prescribed for you, when death approaches any of you, if he leaves wealth, that he makes a bequest to parents and next of kin, according to reasonable manners. (This is) a duty upon Al-Muttaqoon (the pious)” Surah al-Baqarah 2:180
•“(The distribution in all cases is) after the payment of legacies he may have bequeathed or debts” Surah al-Nisa 4:11
•“It is the duty of a Muslim who has anything to bequest not to let two nights pass without writing a will about it.” (Sahih al-Bukhari)
•Ibn Omar (radiyAllahu anhu) then noted, “Not even one night passed me, ever since I heard this from the Prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam), without having my will with me” (Bukhari, Muslim, and others)
•“A man may do good deeds for seventy years but if he acts unjustly when he leaves his last testament, the wickedness of his deed will be sealed upon him, and he will enter the Fire. If, (on the other hand), a man acts wickedly for seventy years but is just in his last will and testament, the goodness of his deed will be sealed upon him, and he will enter the Garden.” (Ahmad and Ibn Majah)
Protecting Our Rights
As Muslims we have many rights over each other, with our families, our children, our friends, and with our own selves. Having a wasiyya will insha’Allah ascertain with Allah that we did our best to make sure we fulfilled these rights. Death comes to anyone at any given place and at any given time. We are not guaranteed anything, not even another second. We don’t want to die without giving someone their rights, nor do we want to die and not have our rights given to us. Rights are so important that they will hang over us on Judgment Day until scores are settled – because Islam is a religion of justice. Alhamdulillah. We should take advantage and make our will while we are of sound mind and health. We do not want to be on our deathbed, or sick, suffering from pain, incoherent, (may Allah protect us all) while trying to verbalize our will wishes. We want to make sure that our instructions on what will happen to our family, children, wealth, property, assets, debts, and our bodies, etc are articulated and clearly understood. We want to protect the rights of our kids, our families, and ourselves.
Importance of an Islamic Will
•Everything we have in this world, our wealth and our property, is from Allah and a trust from Him. While we are alive we are required to utilize our wealth in the best way and we will be asked about that on Judgment Day. When we die, part of that trust is to pass our wealth and property along appropriately. Aside from having non-Muslim families who may not know the Islamic practices, many countries do not recognize or follow the laws of Allah. We have to be very careful of this, and make sure we do what we can to protect our rights and be in accordance with the Shari’ah.
•Certain rights and duties between people must be settled before a person’s estate can be divided according to the inheritance laws in the Qur’an. Examples are loans, promises, unpaid bills, borrowed items, unpaid zakat, dowry, etc. We have to give everyone their due right. We can include names and contacts of anyone we owe loans to, creditors information, and so on in our wills.
•Islam is perfect and prescribes a way for everything. Many practices today, including funeral procedures, washing, burying, and mourning, etc are not done in accordance with the Sunnah; there is a lot of innovation (may Allah protect us from that). The will can specify the requests of the deceased to be honored – to have all practices and procedures done according to how Allah and His Messenger prescribed. (Buried in a Muslim cemetary, buried as soon as possible, without structures on the grave, without excessive wailing, etc etc etc)
You can also specify and name certain people whom you want to wash your body. The person should be pious, one who knows how to do the Ghusl and wrapping according to the Sunnah, one who will protect your dignity and honor (should they see anything on you that might harm your honor during the washing, they will never tell), and so on. Before we get put in the grave, we want to be cleaned and wrapped in the best way insha’Allah.
Basic Elements of a Will
There is no specific wording for a wasiyya, but basically it should have the following elements:
•The testator’s expression of sound mental ability and health
•Declaration of faith (the Shahadah)
•Commanding the survivors to do good and avoid sins
•Declaration of liabilites and assets
•Appointing an executor of the will and guardian(s) of wealth and children
•Bequeathed part of the estate (Naming beneficiaries and indicating the amount of your estate you wish to bequeath – up to 1/3)
•Emphasizing Islamic heirship (specifying legal heirs and their correct shares)
The will should be notarized and signed by 2 witnesses. Legal advice is also recommended. The will has a special sanctity and must be observed and executed. Anyone who changes it or hides any part of it is sinful and liable for Allah’s punishment!
•“And if (after the testator’s death) anyone alters such a provision after having come to know it, the sin of acting thus falls only upon those who have altered it. Indeed Allah is Hearing and Knowing.” (Surah al-Baqara 2:181)
My dear brothers and sisters, dont delay what we have to do today until tomorrow because we never know what can happen to us. There are many standard wills available online, which can be modified according to specific requests/ needs:
~Um Yusuf as-Siddiq
Posted by Candice at 3:06 PM
Monday, November 1, 2010
I feel so taken advantage of! I went to see a lawyer a few months back for a 30 minute initial meeting and was supposed to get a call back from him that same week with information. He didn't call back. A week and a half after the initial meeting, I was in a situation, needing to be represented and left 4 messages on his voice mail over 3 business days (plus 2 days weekend if be ever works overtime) and got no call back. I went to another lawyer.
ONE MONTH after the initial meeting with the shady lawyer, I got a call from what was probably his receptionist! I got the feeling she wanted to mention a bill but I didn't let her say it and just told her I didn't need the lawyer's services and wasn't happy with how I was treated and hung up. I probably should have let her say it and I would have been able to discuss it right then and there, but I was hoping it would make the problem go away, I guess!
Anyway, a couple weeks ago, I get a bill for 45 minutes (when it was just 30 mintues). But I am outraged that I got a bill at all when this idiot obviously has no intention to even take me on as a client! I finally got the nerve to call his office almost a month after receiving the bill... Left a message on his voice mail. I will definitely mention it if he takes less time returning this call (to collect me) than he did when I needed service!
Posted by Candice at 4:07 PM
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Halloween is coming up on Sunday! I LOVE dressing up! It's so much fun to get into a costume and put on some make-up and go out to get rewarded for it (candy)!
As much as yes, we can just do it in in our own homes on days that are not the October 31st and have candy available to avoid any chance of it being haram, it's just not the same, even if it's almost exactly the same!! Going OUT is what makes Halloween! I'm dressing up at work tomorrow and maybe Saturday if I go to the zoo since it's a Halloween theme there, and definitely on Sunday to go out with my daughter for candy.
Now, I really don't want to start a debate, but since this is my blog I will not censure myself and I will just say that I simply do not believe going out for Halloween is haram. Its origins do not change what Halloween means to me (what it means to me is not haram, it just means dressing up, candy, intereacting with neighbours, etc.) and the "imitating the disbelievers" excuse is pure crap as far as I'm concerned. What about disbelievers is so bad that we should not imitate it??! Their haircuts? (yes, I've heard it said!) Wearing of pants? Wearing of other dress that is not traditional in Islam (whatever that even is)? Seriously, everything I've heard people come up with as a meaning for not imitating the disbelievers is on very outwardly things like speech, dress and activities (like birthday parties, etc.). What about being forbidden to do the things that MAKE them disbelievers?! Let's all strive to do good and be God-conscious and our intentions will be clear.
Posted by Candice at 3:00 PM
Sunday, October 24, 2010
I believe in letting people make their own decisions as long as they are not harming others. I don't think I have any right to judge what others are doing based on my own beliefs or any right to make them do things differently... I agree with people having the choice to do and believe what they do, but it doesn't mean I agree agree with everything everyone does!
Posted by Candice at 1:20 PM
My best friend keeps getting hurt over and over. It never crossed my mind to meddle and contact the guy who has been making her feel that way myself, but I was there yesterday when he called her and was able to see that he doesn't know what it does to her when he calls and was able to see that she is completely unable to just end the whatever-it-is they have (which is supposed to be nothing). So for the first time since this started 4 years ago, I am considering sending him a message... I think it could help him to know how to avoid hurting her because I don't get the impression he does it on purpose... He just doesn't seem to know what it does.
Posted by Candice at 12:05 PM
Thursday, October 21, 2010
At work the boss anounced last week that he had a very rare cancer that has low chance of survival if found at stages 3-5 and is very hard to treat whatever stage it's found in. He didn't know what stage he was at or anything so really, hoping for the best was hoping for a low stage that had a good chance of survival past 5 years...
He comes to work today saying they did some final tests to find that the tumour is benign!! Praise God! What a scare to have! Made me think of dua and its impact... which brought me to the evil eye, but that's not related to *this* news, just related to what I want to write on dua. I will try to post on that later!
Anyway... Praise God, my boss is going to be OK. I might not like some stuff about my work and might not respect exactly what it is that this company does (high interest loans) but my boss is still a good person overall and we, the employees, have a pretty close relationship with him. A bunch of the employees would even consider him a friend. For me, he's not a friend, but more than just a boss, so I am just so VERY happy for him.
Posted by Candice at 3:41 PM
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Please pray this works out for me...
Posted by Candice at 5:05 PM
Sunday, October 10, 2010
My daughter has 2 family names. Yes, I gave her my name and what I thought was her dad's name. In the end, when my husband got to Canada, we found that they gave him a different family name than I put on our daughter's certificate, so she really has Nora _my name_ - _husband's second middle name_, which makes no sense at all. We will need to change it soon because she's starting to need to know her last name and right now, it's just not right.
Posted by Candice at 10:50 PM
My thoughts are all over the place lately! They are jumping from getting a car (I've been getting lifts for over a month now almost every day and I'm feeling like a burden) to getting a new phone (mine is just annoying) to leaving my work, to going to university and tonight, a new folly!
Posted by Candice at 10:38 PM
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I have talked about my "haram work". I work for a company that does high interest loans and have always felt uncomfortable about it. I have to put it away from my mind to work, and I succeed in doing that and quite like my work on a day to day basis. I enjoy my co-workers and my work space and some of the benefits we have (good pay, paid lunch on Fridays, bonuses, etc.) but I do have to always put effort into not thinking too much about what the company really is because it's not something I support. I'd feel ashamed to be my boss even if it comes with a million dollar house (and all that other material luxury).
I had no choice for a long time because my husband did not have a stable job. There were some periods where he worked or received some income, but not enough to pay the bills and it was not stable enough to be very reliable. But now he does. It's comparable to my salary so I could leave this job and get a small part time, even low-paying job and we would be able to make enough to pay what we have to pay.
I am a bit torn. I guess it's the material me getting in the way. I want to eventually have a house and it would take two salaries to be able to afford a mortgage. And I know that if I leave this work, I would have A LOT of trouble finding one that pays the same. And it would likely be a crappier job. I mean, right now I have my own office space, computer, a certain amount of respect in my work for being among the oldest 4 there out of 13 employees, independance to manage my work how I want, varied tasks, bonuses that are much more than I'd get anywhere else. The bad side being that it's all from interest. And it gets to me every once in a while that my salary comes from this.
I have options though and I'm thankful for that. I just need the strength to use them, I guess!
It's troubling because I sometimes feel like I'm not a "worker" type. I mean, I will not work overtime (boss wouldn't even dare ask). I am tired all the time. And I feel like I am not the "mommy/housewife" type either. I suck at cooking and hate it, I cannot imagine myself with many kids (right now I can imagine a second one but it came gradually!)...
So what am I?
I feel like I just generally suck sometimes. I think I'm probably low in something to feel tired all the time like that, so that could be fixed and might not be linked to how much I suck. And with work, I might be motivated to do more if it was something I actually respected myself in. And if I physically felt less at the end of my rope by the end of the week. I donno.
Sorry for such a downer post.
Posted by Candice at 12:06 PM
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
OK. I have not been posting because of everything that has been happening and some might have guessed that it was things happening between me and my husband. I don't like to put *too* much personal things out there so I simply didn't but now that things are getting better, I wanted to make a small post about it. And hopefully it will unblock me back into the world of blogging because I sure have missed it.
After a few really hard weeks, we made the decision to start over. Not to erase the issues we had with each other (because they are bound to resurface, I know myself), but to go over everything that didn't work and over everything that did work, and renew our efforts.
Alhamdulilah, my husband has really invested himself 100%. He started working near the beginning of this, started praying more, dropped ALL of his games, started doing more around the house, being careful of things he said, making efforts to not get angry even if I was, etc. It was a 360.
My progress has been more gradual. That's me: gradual. I was the one initiating the "break-up" so I guess it's normal that I didn't jump through hoops from the first day to keep us together, but I am gradually being better and importantly: *wanting* to be better.
Posted by Candice at 3:04 PM
This is so true. I always tell myself that a big problem with my relationships are that they don't always bring out the best in me. It's something so important in a quality relationship (whether friendship or marriage) and it's something I need to put a lot of work into. When people around you bring out the worst in you instead of inspiring you to be better, it's a sign that things need to change.
Posted by Candice at 2:57 PM
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Posted by Candice at 4:39 PM
Monday, September 20, 2010
Things are really falling into place for me. Al7amdulilah.
I am in a much better place personally and also in my marriage. As I said, things are really falling into place. :)
Posted by Candice at 3:07 PM
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
The prayer barrier. Is it obligatory to have a sutra when you are in a place where people might pass by? If you don't have one, does it really invalidate prayer or is it more of a recommended thing? If it does invalidate, would a child walking in front of you invalidate prayer?
Posted by Candice at 4:31 PM
Monday, September 13, 2010
As regular readers might have noticed, I'm not really back to my regular blogging patterns. I had taken a sort of break for Ramadan but now that it's over, I don't exactly know what to say.
So much has happened over the course of the last month. Like... A LOT. And it's not really stuff that I want to get into on my blog since it's all very personal, but it has taken a lot out of me and I guess it has affected me being able to write the normally "light" posts like I do.
I really want to continue blogging so I will be back as soon as I find inspiration! If you can spare a dua for me, please pray that I am lead towards the right answers for decisions I will have to make.
Thank you. :)
Posted by Candice at 12:34 PM
Saturday, September 4, 2010
I know I haven't been posting much lately, but I did want to post a link to Zuhura's blog, Diary of a Muslim Feminist. Click to visit.
Posted by Candice at 9:59 AM
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
"The Muslim position is clear. The Muslim does not claim to have a religion peculiar to himself. Islam is not a sect or an ethnic religion. In its view all Religion is one, for the Truth is one. It was the religion preached by all the earlier prophets. It was the truth taught by all the inspired Books. In essence it amounts to a consciousness of the Will and Plan of Allah and a joyful submission to that Will and Plan. If anyone wants a religion other than that, he is false to his own nature, as he is false to Allah's Will and Plan. Such a one cannot expect guidance, for he has deliberately renounced guidance." Abdullah Yusuf Ali in commentary of (3:85)
- Qur'an 3:85
Posted by Candice at 10:17 PM
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
So the blood donation didn't work out because I fell pretty sick the day after. I called them and they won't use my blood in case it's something contagious that I got. Not sure if it was or not because the symptoms were kind of all over the place so I'm not sure what I have.
Posted by Candice at 11:50 AM
Thursday, August 12, 2010
How strange that Ramadan started a day later than I thought it would, and that the blood drive was a couple days earlier than I thought it was! Yesterday was the first day of the blood drive and I was not fasting so I was able to go without worries. It went super well and I didn't feel any differently than normal (not weaker or anything) when I got out of there yesterday evening. I'd given blood before and ended up feeling OK but a bit weakened but not at all this time! It really seems like it all worked out as it was supposed to!
Posted by Candice at 9:52 AM
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
There's a blood drive in my town on the 13th and 14th. I'd really like to give blood but with fasting and everything, I'm thinking I might not be up for it. So of course, one option is to not participate. Another option is to go as early as possible since that's when I'd be feeling best. And the last option is to be the very last to get blood drawn since they close at 8pm and fasting is until just a couple minutes before that. I'd be able to have a bite to eat just before and then have a real meal after the blood-giving. I'd just worry that I will feel really unwell after giving blood when I'm already not very nourished. And if I give at the beginning of the day, I worry that it will cause me to feel so weak I won't be able to complete my fast.
Posted by Candice at 12:58 PM
Monday, August 9, 2010
1) Fast the whole of Ramadan successfully
Posted by Candice at 10:06 PM
Your Lord has enjoined you to worship none but Him, and to show kindness to your parents. If either or both of them attain old age in your dwelling, show them no sign of impatience, nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and say: ‘Lord, be merciful to them. They nursed me when I was an infant.' (17:23-24)
Posted by Candice at 3:08 PM
Friday, August 6, 2010
I am going to be on vacation for 2 weeks in just a few hours!
I am very touched by the responses I got to help me during Ramadan (and will respond within the next day insha'Allah)
Last but not least, I have 150 followers today! :D Thank you so much for visiting my blog!
Posted by Candice at 1:08 PM
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I joined a great little group on Facebook called iRamadan. Look it up and get yourself invited if you want extra support during Ramadan!
I have been making goals for myself for this Ramadan that are pretty attainable, although hard still for a person like me, and I felt pretty good about it. I will be on vacation during the first 12 days of Ramadan which I figured would make things much easier since my co-workers are people who wouldn't know I'm fasting and it's always hard to get invited to lunch and invent excuses. I don't want to lie or anything! And being on vacation, I can better focus on Islamic things during the day, have energy to go to Taraweeh because of not having to wake up early, all that stuff.
But now as my vacation approaches, I realized that I will have a lot of difficulty doing most activities I planned like going to the zoo, going to my uncle's for a weekend, going to the water slides, meeting up with some friends I don't see often enough, painting my whole apartment, organizing things around the house, etc. It has put me on a tiny little Ramadan depression sort of. I have been looking forward to being on vacation so I can do all these things without being tired from work, but I will probably be even more tired from fasting.
Point of this post: I need support. LOTS of it... More than just the iRamadan group on Facebook (even though I think it's really wonderful). Does anyone have any suggestions? Would anyone who I have met online through blogging want to perhaps exchange phone numbers and help through text message support? I'd love to help as well of course if I'm able.
I'm sorry for my weakness... Anyone with ideas, please post of email me through my profile! I don't want to fail before Ramadan even starts.
Posted by Candice at 1:00 PM
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
I have been wanting to tell my parents that I've converted to Islam but scared to do it. They are very accepting people and I know for certain they would never ever disown me or treat me any differently but I know they would be upset by this news. I don't want to upset them at all. I have put them through enough with going off to Egypt to meet a random guy, coming home pregnant and a bunch of drama afterwards. Let's just say they didn't have this in mind for me, and being Muslim is the last thing they'd expect. I guess I'm afraid to disappoint them.
It's not really a valid reason and the other reason I had was mostly that I was afraid they'd see me differently. I think that the way I have been gradually changing makes them see that I'm still me so this is not a good excuse anymore. I am not a newbie convert who made a radical change. I converted 1 year ago and have slowly changed while remaining who I am as well and they will be able to see that.
That makes me think it's time.
Other thing is that my husband mentionned it in front of them and they'd have been deaf not to hear. I have been ignoring the possible conversation coming where they ask me what it was about... But that's immature and I need to be the one to mention it first.
This Ramadan, one of my goals is to tell my family and close friends.
Posted by Candice at 4:36 PM
"And those who believe and do righteous deeds, they are dwellers of paradise, they will dwell therin forever." (2:82)
What do you get from this?
This ayah reminds me of how balanced Islam is. It's not only about belief in Allah, but also about showing this belief through action. Belief and deeds can't go one without the other for a true Muslim, and this is shown by the amount of verses that put these two things together as the recipe for paradise (this verse being only an example of the many similar verses found in the Qur'an).
Posted by Candice at 9:33 AM
Monday, August 2, 2010
(Please comment with your answer!)
These are people who have looked into Islam pretty seriously and converted or did not convert:
1) Did you have what you would call a good childhood (no abuse, no parent left while you were a child, no major unhappiness caused by family or peers)?
2) Did you convert afterall?
3) Do you follow "traditional" Islamic interpretations (Sunni, Shia, other maybe...) or a re-interpretation of Islam (Qur'an only, generally less importance to hadiths, code 19, as examples)?
Wish I could have real data to see if there's a relationship between having a difficult childhood and the final act of converting. My hypothesis is that people who looked into Islam and had a difficult childhood are more likely to convert to Islam. Second hypothesis is that people with a happy childhood who ended up converting are more likely than those with a difficult childhood of following a more open form of Islam.
Forgive all the labels I had to use. I think most know what I mean and we can go without causing a fuss over the use of these terms.
And thanks! And vote please! Also, considering this is a comment poll, you can add extra details to your answer if you want, and if you are a born Muslim or something else that makes you not able to answer, you can still post your thoughts!
Posted by Candice at 2:13 PM
before my vacation starts! I have so much work to do and will not even be up to date with this week's work when I leave for my vacation for 2 weeks. Imagine the pile up of work when I come back. I will not be up to date EVER! I will need to do overtime... but man do I not feel like it.
I will just go off on vacation worry-free and take care of all this crap when I return, I think. I took on a transciption job this week which will give me a few hours more work already, and I am so flat-out exhausted generally that screw overtime this week. I can burn myself out when I get back!
YAY, time OFF! Time for me! :)
Posted by Candice at 11:17 AM
Saturday, July 31, 2010
"Let there be no compulsion in religion. Truth stands out clearly from error; whoever rejects evil and has faith in God has grasped the most trustworthy, unfailing handhold. And God hears and knows all things. God is the Protector of those who have faith: from the depths of darkness He will lead them forth into light." (Qur'an, 2:256-257)
Posted by Candice at 9:42 PM
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I might end up deleting the previous post... Thanks for the comments though. Don't want to cause anything at home by having written it... And I was really all messed up this weekend and yesterday, but I think I have made some conclusisons.
In the end, it's not right for me to feel like this and no woman should be taken advantage of and feel it's her Islamic duty to just "take it". We have rights and have to enforce them. Of course, I made a lot of mistakes and could have used a lot more patience in my hard times, for example, but there are things I was starting to be made to believe were my duty as a wife that I wasn't doing that simply are not. Effort is, and I made some, but obedience in all aspects is not my duty.
Women must have dignity and self-respect and for me to feel like I lose all that in becoming what "scholars" think is the ideal Muslimah is just not right!
Posted by Candice at 8:35 AM
Monday, July 26, 2010
Over the past 2 years of working in an office, I have really gotten addicted to coffee. It's worse than it has ever been right now! I used to take half a cup in the morning for over a year, but when it became very busy and exhausting at work, as well as home, I took up the habit of drinking a full cup in the morning and a full cup in the afternoon! It feels like I can't function 100% without my morning coffee! I am OK without the afternoon one though at this point and am making a point to keep these afternoon coffees to the minimum to prepare for Ramadan.
A cup of coffee lasts in the system and I was thinking of having a cup of coffee with my suhoor when I work that morning. Somehow doesn't sound like a very good idea though, does it? Destined for a crash if I go about it that way!
Who here has 4AM coffee during Ramadan? How did that work out?
Posted by Candice at 3:33 PM
I had a lot of drama going on this weekend and it left me in an identity crisis.
Can I really be both Muslim and who I was before? I have been Muslim for 1 year now (anniversary of my shahada was actually this weekend, go figure!) and I felt I'd made some changes in myself as I learned more about Islam and that I had improved myself, but that I was still ME! My parents never got this "Where's my daughter?" feeling from my conversion because I was still the same girl, only gradually being more modest in clothing and a few little things they noticed but that didn't change me.
I pretty much only have one Muslim friend that I see in real life, and she is one of the most patient women I know with lots of experience with marriage problems. She really does her best to follow Islam.
A situation that came up was that I disobey my husband. My position on that was that the reason a man has a certain right over his wife is because he is 100% financially responsible (as stated in the Qur'an). So the conclusion was that I had no obligation to obey him since I am the one who financially supports him. As far as how much rights he has over me when he does become the financial supporter, I just wasn't there yet.
But my friend's response was that no, it didn't change anything that he didn't support me financially and that he was still my husband and I had to obey him. That in the end, I would be rewarded for everything I did that was more than my responsibility and he would get what he deserves as well and that we had rights to divorce our husbands if they didn't fulfill their requirements and that if I did everything the right way, at least no sin would be on me. I had to admit that it's quite convincing to view it this way because, as she said, it means that there's no sin on me. But is the part about it still being obligatory to obey my husband right? I'm very much struggling with this because even if he fulfilled his reponsability of providing financially, how much do husbands really have over their wives?!
The way I have been feeling this weekend is a bit like an abused wife. Stuck, but in the honeymoon phase after the breakdown. The thing that made me feel this way (a bit iffy, as opposed to *really* being in the honeymoon phase where you feel great) is that my husband has set up some rules about my daughter never seeing my best friend, and not seeing my parents for 1 week. To obey him would be to accept this, but I'd feel so ashamed to admit to anyone that I am allowing my husband to keep my daughter away from her grand-parents. If it was the right thing to just obey him (shut up and let it happen), would I really feel this badly?
It has made me feel like if I want to accept being Muslim fully, I'll lose who I am and lose my self-respect!
I know I am just going nuts. As I wrote, I'm having a bit of an identity crisis. I know very well this must be some middle-ground to this... I had talked and thought about the issue of obeying our husbands, but it seemed like it didn't apply to be that much, and that if it did, my husband let's me do what I want normally anyway so it was not an issue.
He actually has calmed down and decided my parents can see our daughter today which is good and makes me feel like I can put off this awful feeling... I decided I'd bring it back up to myself during Ramadan when I am at a better place spiritually (insha'Allah).
Sorry for the unorganized post.
Posted by Candice at 9:51 AM
Friday, July 23, 2010
Inspired by my Ayah of the Week segment, I have started posting verses (or part of verses) of the Qur'an on my Facebook status daily. It is for 2 reasons:
1) To continue my gradual approach in "coming out" as a Muslim. It will be less and less of a surprise when I finally tell my family that I am Muslim.
2) To give non-Muslims on my list a positive view of Islam. I am writing parts of verses with their surah and verse numbers, without writing specifically that it's from the Qur'an and avoiding verses that talk too much about God since the people I'm trying to touch don't really believe in God. I'm finding verses that just give a small dose of positiveness that you can find in the Qur'an.
Insha'Allah, this works as a form of dawah. :)
PS: DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY I CAN NO LONGER PASTE THINGS WHEN I AM COMPOSING A POST?
Posted by Candice at 3:17 PM
Of course there are things that are necessary like being married/ being in a serious relationship and *wanting* to have children. All this will be nothing else than my point of view and pretty much what is suited to a person like me. Not all that interesting for others because different people are different but I felt like posting anyway!
After my experience of having a child kind of young at 20 years old, I can't imagine not having children until later in life like 30-40 years old. It just seems so late in life! I know that for a lot of people, it has to do with career and lengthy studies... I could definitely not imagine being a student full-time working on my Masters or a Ph.D.
My conclusion is that for a person wishing to go further in her studies, a good time to have a child would be during her bachelor's degree studies, taking a semester or two off to have the child and going back, rather than waiting until the end of graduate or post-graduate studies. After my experience, I feel that it's just so long to wait if you have a person you wish to have children with. If a person is mature and responsible enough, it just seems like the perfect way! And what a joy to be able to be a young grand-parent as well! And to have more time to live your own life after your children are grown, rather than living it earlier and having kids in the house until 60 years of age. I feel sad that my grand-parents died before I really had a chance to appreciate them.
Obviously, this is ME and not for everyone. I believe in an individual making the best decisions for her (and a couple for the both of them)!
It feels like Islamically, for a woman to delay having children until 30 years of age for a career is not 100% right. Even if a woman has every right to work and there is no prohibition on it, it is not her purpose as it is a man's and being on birth control for, let's say, over 10 years for a career when it is not her responsibility as a woman to even be the one working might be pushing the limits on the permissibility of birth control in Islam. But I shouldn't talk so I will stop right here. I have a lot of respect for working women and career women in general so it's a bit of a conflict in me to say this.
Posted by Candice at 2:38 PM