Monday, December 14, 2009

I feel a bit ashamed

I had my Christmas party with work on Friday and during supper, the subject of learning languages came up between me, a co-worker (also my very good friend) and another co-worker's boyfriend and I mentionned wanting to learn Arabic and how hard it was to start because of how different it is from French and English (compared to learning German or Spanish for someone like me).

So anyway, the boyfriend turns to me and says something along the lines of, "As a Muslim, is it obligatory for you to learn Arabic for the religion?". Now, you might know that I am not "out" as a Muslim yet so no one should know this information. I speak more freely and "as a Muslim" now, but I never actually say that I am. And I don't talk *that* much with this person's girlfriend (who is my co-worker). Did he just assume I was Muslim because he knows I am married to a Muslim? Or did the co-worker get Muslim vibes from me and talk to him about it? I really don't know...

The reason I am ashamed... I answered that I am "not really Muslim". He didn't seem to believe me and asked, "Didn't you convert?". I answered no. I went on to answer his question anyway by saying that Muslims should be concerned with learning Arabic because of the Holy text (Qur'an) and the use of Arabic in the prayers, but that it was to be taken at their own pace...

I am so close to just writing a message to my co-worker to explain what happened and relay the message to her boyfriend that I am Muslim but not "out" yet. And that I feel bad about lying but I am not ready for people to know. But then she would know. I don't think she's the type to go and talk about it, but still...

I feel bad about it. I don't want to lie, especially not about this. It's true that I am not ready for people to know, but I wouldn't care if this person knew. I was more concerned about my good friend (participating in the conversation) not finding out just right now.

8 Comentários:

Jamilah said...

Don't feel too sad, it was just a tense moment that caught you off guard....

LK said...

Everyone needs to move at their own pace especially in an office setting. I know I wouldn't want my office to know. I would be afraid I would loose my job over it.

Candice said...

Thanks so much for your support, girls. I really appreciate it. :)

jana z. said...

hey dont you worry and dont feel ashamed. we are surrounded by non muslims and there are so many people who just dont like muslims for whatever reason. in the beginning it was a bit difficult to just say yes im a muslim to "others" since i never knew how they would react but as time passed it became easier then just plain easy! you will get to a point where you realize their opinion truly doesnt matter..your opinion does and even more Allah's opinion! you are not obligated to tell them anything...you will get stronger but in the meantime do NOT feel ashamed, you did what any of us maybe would have done!!

take care

jana

jana z. said...

candice, did i ever send you an invite for the sisters oasis? did you send me your email?

Stacy aka Fahiima said...

I don't blame you for getting caught off guard either. You want to embrace your faith, but it is definitely a process. God bless and don't feel bad.

Candice said...

Jana: Thanks for your comment. I'd love to be invited to Sister Oasis; I don't think I have.
The reason I feel bad is because I don't think the guy had anything against Muslims (or not against me anyway)and afterall, I wouldn't even mind if he knew. It was mostly about my co-worker and good friend.

Stacy: Thanks :)

N the duckess said...

do not feel ashamed, everything need a process

:)

sorry for my bad english, isn't my mother tongue

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