Wednesday, August 19, 2009

My negativity...

I was just writing today about keeping away from all negativity, even innocent ones like calling a client doofus after I hang up, but tonight, I got sucked into it big time and it wasn't in the innocent way I do when I get a client that bugged me.

I had a conversation with my husband that made me mad, and I posted a comment about it on Facebook. Didn't name him but let's just say it was obvious by the way it was written that it was about him and that he'd done something to make me mad. I got a call from a Muslim friend of mine shortly afterwards about the comment and I immediately regretted putting it up. Glad for the "remove" button for sure. She really helped me see how bad it can be to post these things up. First, him seeing it and feeling totally disrespected. Might not have been my intent, but it remains what it is. Second, comments I could receive about what happened could just drag me further into anger and disaccord with my husband.

Basically: No good comes of this. I let myself get affected by my anger and I let myself post negativity. Publically, too, which is obviously the worst part of this because me being upset about it privately sitting on the couch wouldn't have the destructive potential the public declaration did.

I post this just to give others out there the advice I was just given. One quickly-removed comment might seem like a small thing, and really it is when we stick to the big picture. But if we transfer it to this big picture, we can see that so many other small things we might do (by this, I mean things that I have done and that I might still be doing) are the same, and that it is destructive to the relationship in the end. Let me be explicit: Things like talking to my non-Muslim friend about some issues in my marriage. She might try to support me by telling me he's an asshole, I don't deserve this and he doesn't deserve me. I would be better off with someone else, etc. These are really the last things I should be hearing in a moment like this. Fights happen and it doesn't mean divorce or the end of a relationship. I'd be better off with Islamic advice like praying to Allah, being even more patient with him, etc.

Hope some of you learned with me.

7 Comentários:

.::Tuttie::. said...

HUGS. You and I are so similar with that stuff and as a result I am known for sabotaging myself. I agree with you and your post was deep. it left me thinking about my activities recently. JazakAllah khayr

Irish muslimah :P xxx said...

alhumdilah we make mistakes
and learn from them then try implement them back into our lives,
yes i do agree a friend calling your husband names in the name of support wont help :(
(ive tryed it although sounded and felt good @ the time hehe :P) speaking to a good sheik and iman always seems to keep me grounded, we all get angry its only human:) its just a case of trying to calm down, pray , drink water , lye down and in my case follow up with em the punch bag session then followed by vigorous cleaning while i mutter and grunt under my breath lol :) dont worry we all been there xxx

Nikki said...

Oh yes, I think the internet has added a whole new level to relationships that has to be navigated very carefully. People's lives are so public now that some friend you haven't talked to since high school could know that you're mad at your husband before he even realizes it. It's just a mess. Honestly, facebook caused so many fights between me and my husband that we finally both just deleted our accounts.

Relationship problems should be kept in the relationship (unless someone is in danger, of course). A few weeks ago I was very mad at my husband. As soon as I hung up the phone with him I logged on to blogger and typed a nasty post. It wasn't all that bad, but it was very negative and accused him of caring about certain things more than me.

Later that day I realized that i had been typing in the heat of the moment and had given in to anger. I deleted the post and am still ashamed to have written it in the first place.

Sarah the Seeker said...

I agree. I made a few posts about certain marital "issues" a while back and I went back and made them private.
I think ranting and seeking advice both have their place, but their place is not the public sphere. :)

Candice said...

Thanks for commenting, it's nice to hear (in a way) that I'm not alone going through this! There really are some people more appropriate to talk to in these cases.

I talked to my husband just a couple hours later and the first thing he said was that he was sorry.

Stacy aka Fahiima said...

Its so easy to let our emotions get the best of us. I always cringe when I see updates like that on facebook or a blog post, because you'll almost always come out regretting it later. We're all guilty of it though.

Ms M said...

Great advice you got from your friend. Nice to have good friends isn't it? Thanks for sharing it too. :)

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