Sunday, July 5, 2009

My Islam

I have not pronounced my shahada officially, but I do plan on doing so. And I see myself as Muslim. I see myself as a very very new Muslim, and not "officially" Muslim because of not having said my shahada, but also because I am not practicing. I guess I'm preparing myself mentally more than anything... I shouldn't delay though, I know that. But it's the time it's taking anyway.

My husband is starting to see me as Muslim too, which is weird but nice. I see that it is something that's important to him, even if he's struggling a lot with Islam himself. It's something we will be able to start going through together. I think Ramadan will be a turning point for him this year since he will not be alone like he was last year. It was hard for him to be away from Muslims for the first time. He really didn't do very good last year. He fasted and there were some small efforts to be a bit kinder with me, but that was the extent of it. This year will be different. Insha'Allah.

I had something I wanted to post about and it was not this, but I cannot remember what it was! I will try to remember... I will try to keep posting and updating the blog more regularly than I have been. And I will try to post better more focused topics too. Don't remove me from your subsciptions, I will try to be better! :)

10 Comentários:

NeverEver said...

Salam,

I went through the exact same thing for several weeks. In my head I was thinking Muslim, I just wasn't "official" yet.
Hoping everything goes smoothly for you, inshaAllah.

NeverEver

Solace In Islam said...

It would be wonderful if you could "officially" become a Muslim before Ramadhan! Not only for your husband's sake, but also so you can experience the blessings and wonder of the month of Ramadhan!

Candice said...

I think I probably will before Ramadan. I am kind of looking forward to it, but fasting will be hard for me. I fasted a day or two last year for the heck of it and I didn't so much enjoy it! Might be different this year since I know why and it's not just "'cause".

cairo, lusaka, amsterdam said...

Good to hear :) Fasting is definitely hard but you get a lot out of it spiritually which balances everything out. I was happy to see you posted, was wondering where you'd gone!

Maryam said...

Yeah, man. Ramadan is coming up so fast. I'm super hyped and InshAllah this one will be better than last year, for all of us. InshAllah.

mawaddah said...

wow!!:)) im so happy for you=)

rahma said...

Mabrookulations on your impending shahada! I was in a nebulous "muslim without the shahada" phase for a few months before I converted too. I'll be checking back obsessively now, lol (never done well with subscriptions or rss feeds).

Candice said...

Rahma, you're so cute and funny! I love that mabrookulations :p

I would love to hear about your "muslim without the shahada" phase and how that worked out and what made you actually say it in the end!

And I must add that you should use Google Reader. I'm so glad to have discovered it! I just add any blog I find interesting and it notifies me of any new posts. I don't have to check any blog obsessively!

Nikki said...

Salaam! I'm new to your blog and absolutely love what I've read so far! There's not many Muslims (or people married to Muslims) where I live so it's nice to find so many women I can relate to on blogger. :)

I said my shahada last month. I truly believe that there is no god but Allah and that Mohammad is the messenger of Allah, so hubby felt that there was no need to put it off.

I, on the other hand, feel like maybe I should have waited. I just feel guilty for saying shahada and officially becoming Muslim without really practicing...I don't pray 5 times a day, and when I do pray I often get distracted because as my husband recites the Arabic it starts to all sound the same, you know? I think it will be better when I can pray on my own.

Also, my family doesn't know about my conversion/reversion so this causes lots of problems like not being able to wear hijab and eat only halal food full time.

Maybe, though, waiting for the 'perfect' time to say shahada is like waiting for the 'perfect' time to have children (financially stable, etc.). It never comes. I am an imperfect Muslim. I am a very new Muslim. I must trust that Allah understands that I must take things gradually.

From the posts I've read, it sounds as though you think of yourself as a Muslim in your heart already. God knows what's in your heart regardless of whether you've officially taken shahada or not. You do not have to be perfect to be Muslim. :)

Candice said...

Thanks for your comment, Nikki! I think you did the right thing in taking your shahada as soon as the conviction was there. I really think I should do the same, I guess it hasn't happened yet, but it should... I know I will not be a perfect Muslim and will have to work on it, but that's the way it will have to be. Whether or not it's official, as you said, I do think of myself as Muslim and I think that's all I need to be Muslim.

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