Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Taking back gifts!! grrr

I hate how my husband will give me something and then the second he gets angry with me, he takes it back. For example, he got me books 2 and 3 of the Twilight saga and I'm reading them now. Yesterday, we get mad at each other and I go to bed with the book and he decides I'm not allowed to read them anymore because he bought them!

We got a new fridge recently and he offered to buy it. I was impressed by this since everything in the apartment is mine (acquired by me, I suppose since we're married it's technically "our's"). I figured we should go half and half but afterall I just paid the extra insurance on it. But now he decides that he needs money for a business and since I won't help him with my money since he already owes me some, he decides that afterall, he will not buy the fridge, I will, and so he will not give me back that money he owes! Also, he decides that he's leaving with our (to him, it's "his") TV when he starts this business.

I soooo hope he will not start this dumb project! But either way, I know I will not see this fridge money again! He really should not take back gifts, seriously! What a loser sometimes. (I'm pretty furious!)

15 Comentários:

Sarah said...

That is really petty and childish, taking back gifts!

My husband started a business, a barber shop. It was a pretty nerve-wracking time, but it went OK. He made some money then left because he didn't get on with his business partner. I think in their part of the world, setting up a small business is a very normal thing to do. He's still new in your country so if you think it's a dumb idea though then I hope he listens to you. ;)

Stacy aka Fahiima said...

A little immature, sure, but I think all people are prone to that at times. I do think that he will mellow out once his business gets off the ground though.

cairo, lusaka, amsterdam said...

Hmmm that sucks! It's horrible for someone to take back a present they gave someone else. Does he get better when he cools off?

Lisa said...

This comes with the territory when we don't have a husband who has our best interests at heart. When I saw the title, I knew all too well about you're plight.

My husband has never given me much of anything except for my Mazda MPV. He talks everyday about getting rid of it, despite the fact that it was a gift to me.

I can understand the slow process of Islam for you. It must be confusing to read about how things are supposed to be with wife rights, but be somewhat not allowed those rights by him. Keep you're head up and also try to talk him out of ths business venture. The last thing you need is for that to go belly-up, and have him ask you to help pay for it. I feel for you sweetie, and please call or email me anytime to talk more.

Candice said...

Thanks for the comments. I've calmed down about it and accepted it like I have to accept whatever happens to me. Someday I will probably not have to worry about these things. He did calm down about the book though, but I think he is still taking my money for the fridge.

Lisa: Thanks :) I really hope he stops this business idea now and keeps it for later when he is more settled because he is not ready for it at all. Sorry about your husband... You are still with him, right? I don't know your whole story so I hope I'm not asking something too too obvious... Take care though!!

Umm Omar said...

Ditto to what Stacy aka Fahiima says. But I understand you're furious, I would be too.

Also, this might seem totally crazy, and I don't know your whole situation, but, generally speaking, I would just support your husband with this business idea thing. My husband, too, comes up with ideas sometimes that I think is nuts, but he's going to do it anyway, and so I might as well support him and at the same time, offer advice & guidance. At least, he's more willing to take it from me when I'm supporting him.

Anisah said...

Oh Candice.. I dunno what to say... you and I both know what it takes to start a business here in Quebec...Incha'allah it works out for him... but why the heck doesn't he get a job first and get some experience before??
all that you said is totally NOT Islam...He;s supposd to be providing EVERYTHING for you FIRST. anyway..he's the one that's gonna have to answer to God on judgment day..right?

I guess this would be why we were told to find righteous husbands...
I have issues a lot with my husband...but al hamdullilah he has enuf fear of God not to go that far...
anyway...in last while..I have decided to stop fighting...and tell the Imam.. and just let the Imam take care of it. Men make me so mad !!!
Umm Omar.. has good advice. its just so aggravating that you must do this..but may Allah reward you for your patience...incha'allah.
We all have to make sacrifices for our new immigrant husbands...I guess we knew that ehn?
aughhhhhh
big HUG for you!!

Candice said...

Thanks Anisah! Too bad we don't have an imam and that he doesn't go to mosque anyway. We don't have an Islamic element to our marriage.

Lisa said...

I'm still with him sadly. But, for how much longer? I really don't think it can last much longer.

Anonymous said...

It wouldnt change anything if you had Islamic element to your marriage because the problem stems from your husband's marriage. An imam can only give you advice, it can be to your detriment or it could not be followed. Your husband will end up like the Egyptians i come across who say western women are cheap because they dont get dowry and pay for everything. why dont you let him pay for most things? He would be expected if he was living with an Egyptian girl. He wont respect you if you are making it easy for him.

Anonymous said...

i mean the problem stems from his behaviour.

Candice said...

I won't stop paying thing that are in my name. If it doesn't get paid, it affects me and my credit. He gives me a certain amount per month for "his half" but we might as well call it "his quarter" and he is even trying to lower it lately to give me less...

What I meant by Islamic element is not only to have an imam to go to but just having Islamic manners and following Islamic guidelines in our marriage. So obviously that would help, but I think you might be right that we won't have that.

When I first met him, he still had the mindset that he would pay for everything and that it was the man's responsibility. He did not plan the money out well though and before long we had to go into my account, and after that I got a job (he got one but quit it when he got in a bad mood with me) so it started there that we lived on my salary. I didn't see it as takin advantage yet at that point, it WAS easier for me to get a job there. I was only upset he'd given up on the only job he'd managed to find after only a couple days. I don't know if he got used to it from that...

I also signed to sponsor him to come here, and it says that I need to make sure he has the necessities, and he needs to make sure he tries his best to do his part. He only takes my part seriously and will even mention that I need to pay for everything since I am sponsoring him... It's a bit sickening. Anyway.

M@liNgPe@s said...

Hi there all, i stumbled across this blog when i was trying to find out what is right or wrong about when people give gifts and expect them back...

What ya'll go though is rough, and i feel for you. May not understand exactly cos im not married, yet. Thankfully. But recently broke off my my Fiance, and he asked for the expensive gifts back, to sell it and give the money to charity.
I take it that his intentions for charity is good, but i dont understand the fact why he does this? He doesnt have control over me, and a gift is a gift, you dont take it back, right? cos it now belongs to me, and i can do what i want with it, whether to keep it or not.
Im confused how these men think. It seems like business men think like that? what do ya'll think? Any generalization?

Candice said...

Wow, this was an old post of mine! I'd forgotten about that incident!

I still feel that a person has no right to take back a gift they gave a person. An engagement ring is tricky. 100% if the break-up was caused by the person who gave the ring, then the ring is your's! But if you're the one who broke up... Well that ring represents accepting to marry him so if you decide not to, you are not honoring the promise the ring represents. I feel you should give it back, personally. It was a bit of a "conditional" gift.

All other expensive gifts he got you he has no right to ask back as far as I'm concerned, no matter who broke things off.

khalid waes said...

Narated By Ibn ‘Abbas :

The Prophet said,POH “The bad example is not for us. He who takes back his present is like a dog that swallows back its vomit.”

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