Monday, June 8, 2009

Adoption / Foster Parenting

I got thinking about this subject after I got thinking about the subject for homosexuals. I'm "over" the subject for homosexuals because it really doesn't concern me and I don't feel strongly or passionately about that subject. I have too many things to think about that DO affect me to start thinking about homosexuals adopting or fostering children, but that is where the thought came from and for some reason, I felt the need to go into details. haha.

I would really like to become a foster parent. I would like to put some of myself out there to help a child in need of a family. Islamic adoption, from what I understand, is somewhere between the adoption we have here and foster parenting we have here... It's not adoption since the child becomes exactly as a biological child under the law here. We change his or her name, and they inherit as a biological child would, while Islamically, they would retain their name, and would not inherit anything automatically. I suppose it would be the parents' choice to give him what they see as his share before they died. And foster parenting... Well, here, we receive money from the government for doing it so it's not all a gift from us since the cost of this child is basically taken care of. We are just putting in time and emotion, not money.

I wish I could foster a child, but my situation wouldn't allow it. I think I could be good for a child, but I don't have any spare rooms for him or her, and I work full time so he or she would need to be in school or babysat. And I fear I wouldn't be able to treat them as I do my daughter. I don't even think I could have a second child because I just love my daughter too much. I don't think anything could equal that.

Does anyone foster a child? What is your experience? Any ressources I could use now or in the future?

9 Comentários:

Umm Omar said...

haha, I also thought I could never love my second child for the same reason-even throughout my whole pregnancy with him, I was worried I wasn't going to love him! But I did, and you can and you will. Anyway, if you can't take a foster child into your home, you could always sponsor one through a relief organization, like Islamic Relief.

malekat_el7oriya said...

of course being a rebellious teen i wouldn't know anything parent-wise yet, but ofcourse you'd be able to love a second child as much! :( atleast i hope so, do all mommies think like that? because if so I got some issues to settle with my mom lol I'm the second child.

no, but seriously it's a great idea to foster/adopt a child. Of course you'd have to find the space and time but it would be a great experience to have and I'm sure you'd treat them/love them like you're little girl :)

take care ;)

Candice said...

Thanks for the comments! Of course I think that in all likelihood, I would love my second child equally, and I've always thought that. I've always felt like me and my brother were loved equally by my parents even though obviously one of us is the second child. Before I had a child I had no doubt either, but now that I have her, she is just the love of my life, like a soulmate, I don't feel I could find another. I can't imagine feeling this towards 2 people! But I'm sure I would!

Anisah said...

I know some Muslim sisters who are considering adopting...and not even married. I dunno how"halal" that is...
but they did bring up a good point..
if you breast feed the child...the child becomes your lawful child.... your born child and them become as siblings... so there's a thought

Anisah said...

oh..and believe me... you CAN love another child just as much and maybe even MORE..
Truly a gift from Allah... al hamdullilah
( As I am typing this.. the 2 mth old is filling her diaper with poop lol gotta love her !! )

Candice said...

Thanks for the info. I hope to adopt someday, but I for sure won't be able to breastfeed by then! Milk will be waaaaay gone!

The Gori Wife said...

We had several foster children in our house when I was a kid and it was a rewarding experience for everyone - even the biological kids. Growing up seeing my parents really live and fulfill the societal obligations of making sure children have homes, love, a family - it really stuck with me and I've made sure to make public service a part of my life always. I don't think you necessarily have to love foster children as you would your own, just as you'd love your own children in different ways. I think the more important point is exposing these children to what a family SHOULD look like, and to treat them with love, respect and equity. In many states the you can only foster a child if they'd have their own bedroom, I think (or many it's just their own bed? You can check...)
Most states will have a foster parent training program you could check into and do just in case - check it out more before you decide whether now is the right time. Also, then you'd be ready should the time come. One of the great reasons to foster would be that if a kid from a Muslim home is taken into state custody, perhaps they'd be placed with you and wouldn't have to live in a non-Muslim family during that difficult time in their lives.
May God bless you.

Candice said...

Thank you for your comment. I really feel it would be a great thing to foster a child... Next time I move, I will make sure to get an extra bedroom that can be an office/guest bedroom or a bedroom for a foster child.

I don't think it would be possible to love a foster child as much as my own. As you said, it'd be a different kind of love.

Stephanie said...

This is something I am thinking seriously about although I haven't broke that news to my hubby, and for some reason I'm sure he'll initially be against it.
As for having a second, third, or fourth child, I felt exactly the same way when I was pregnant with my second, like how can I possibly love another like this? But you know what you just do, your love doubles, triples, and quadruples and sometimes I truly cannot comprehend it it's so beautiful. Alhumdullah!

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