Thursday, May 28, 2009

Thinking about Islam constantly -- Can I really stay away?

I mentioned a couple times in other posts that I have been thinking seriously about Islam these days. There was no big turning point, really, to make me feel like I need to be a Muslim, but yes, that's what I feel these days. :) My husband, from his reaction to all this, doesn't seem ready for me to be Muslim. I don't fully understand him... But what I get from that is that he's not ready to practice Islam and he wouldn't want me to be a better Muslim than he is.

Anyway, this was mostly as a semi-announcement. I am not announcing that I am Muslim, because I still am not, but I am announcing that I feel I will convert relatively shortly, something I have never actually felt.

How should I do it? I don't believe it needs to be anything "official" with an imam or anything, but at the same time, it could be a positive experience to do it that way. What are your suggestions and experiences?

25 Comentários:

أم ترافيس said...

May Allah guide you .. and I am glad to see u understand your husband... cuz actually we should want for our brother/sister what we would want for ourselves. It saddens me the way things are with you husband but in shaa Allah if/when u convert he will follow your path and Allah will bless your life and marriage.

When I converted I was pushed to go to the court.. that is how they do it in Dubai.. it felt very official, like a marriage LOL but I loved it. Plus I had the court document and when I read it the first time I cried, it said something like "Allah has opened the chest of so and so.." I cant remember exactly but that is how it was and still is. I loved the transition and I encourage you to make the most of it... by declaring it openly, the community can support you and help you in many things and you are going to need it -- becuz the devils/shayton want to push you off the right path... so the more encouragement and support you can gather the better. And do not be shy to ask for anything. This is YOUR time.

may Allah bless u always...

Lisa said...

When I converted, I said the Shahada on my birthday November 7, 1999, with only my then-husband present and two of our closest friends. My birthday so as to be "re-born" in Allah. And then I went to the masjid the next day and also it was certified.

I recommend going all out and doing it very officially. Sometimes, I felt like mine "didn't take" years later, and was afraid I didn't take a full enough shower or make wudu 100% properly beforehand.

I pray too that your husband turns around. Mine went from expecting hijab to not wanting me to cover at all now. It is the guilt Candice. He feels like he doesn't want or deserve a Muslimah who might become better than him, and leave him because he's not practicing. So sad for you, I know all too well.

But I am SO happy fo this big step, pray for you, and love you. Oh I bet Cecilia from My Life, My Story has good advice having just taken Shahada recently!

Candice said...

Thanks for the comments. I am leaning toward something more official to really mark it. Lisa, I was actually thinking of Cecelia when I posted the question! When she was in the process of converting, having taken her appointment with the imam and all that, I felt like she was 100% Muslim already and had been, and that it was not really necessary to go to the imam to convert and consider herself converted, but I have really changed my mind. I now see that it's important to have a specific event mark the beginning of this new journey because it's impossible to precisely remember the time when you started to believe in Islam...

And I really think you're right about my husband. I hadn't thought of this whole leaving him thing because he never seems worried when I tell him how much I just want him out of my life. He seems so confident. But you're right that he might actually have a fear of me leaving him after becoming Muslim. Even I feel that the only way I'd ever be able to leave him is by being Muslim.

SirAdib.com said...

Allah has opened your heart, mashaAllah. Its great to do it officially so that you have support from the community in times of trouble.

During the many events that took place at the era of our Prophet (pbuh), so many embraced Islam. On their decision to taking the Shahadah, each had a strong urge to meet the Prophet and announce his/her reversion. They didn't do it secretly.

cairo, lusaka, amsterdam said...

I was born a Muslim so I never officially converted, but when I began praying I remember saying the shahada and it was such a beautiful moment :)

Mashallah, your journey has been really interesting!

Cecilia said...

candice!

Masha´allah! I hope you will :)
I think you should go to the mosque. It is more beautiful I think!
Oh I´m so happy for you! insha´allah you will convert soon!

Solace In Islam said...

I did it on my own and then went to mosque later, but I agree with the others... doing it the official way is much better.

ellen557 said...

Awww, that is so beautiful. Do it the way you feel most comfortable.
My husband feels strange about the idea of me converting - despite what a good man he is, he is worried that if I convert he will not be good enough. He thinks I need a "good Sheikh" for a husband if I convert.

I don't believe that's the case, but yeah, that's a reason for him, perhaps it's the same? <3 Lots of love.

Umm Omar said...

I don't know what to say about your husband. I can imagine the lack of support is tough, but I also know that matters of faith are between the person and God! So, don't let anyone discourage you from converting if that's what you feel in your heart that you want to do. I'm not one for depending on miracles, but you never know, maybe he'll turn around later.

Anisah said...

hello Candice :)
pleased me greatly to read this post...
as you might remember, I did my shahada at the masjid. Al hamdullilah. Did it on Easter day...my way of giving respect to Jesus.. cause without his teachings, I would not have found this path to Islam. Al haldullilah. I felt I needed to do it at the masjid and more formally because of a few reasons. 1-I wanted to share with my two children and show them something positive and let them know I was partly doing this to make our family better and stronger and to show them a better way in life incha'allah.
2-I wanted a written confirmation.to have written proof. For marriage in Morocco ( at that time I was hoping marriage with my ex..) and for proof when and if I ever go on Hajj. ( which is a request I made in my contract for marriage with my husband :) ) incha'allah.

I am really so glad that I went with the decision to make it official-like at the masjid. I was truly touched with the amount of people that witnessed it. It made me feel so good and happy.mashaallah.

I can cal Brossard to see what kind of things they do there for this , if you wish. Just let me know.will be my pleasure and honor :)

Candice said...

Anisah, I would actually like that! I will message you maybe on Facebook or contact you somehow when I'm ready though since I'm not fully there yet... But I feel it's in my immediate future... :)

Jamilah said...

I know you don't love my comments, but I'll try to make this a lovable one. :)

I didn't take shahada at the masjid, I did it at home with someone online! It still worked, but it took me 3 months to actually go to the masjid. I wish I had gone before. It makes it so much easier when you have a community of sisters to help you.

As for your husband, he'll just have to get over it. I do recommend that you don't take everything he says about Islam as truth though. Be sure to find for yourself.

May Allah open your heart to the truth and guide you to the straight path.

Stephanie said...

I took shahadah at a masjid in front of about a hundred people, the whole time I was crying like a baby! It was really beautiful. Just. Do. It.!!!!

aisyan said...

May Allah guide you to Islam..read my blog..

Candice said...

Jamilah: I appreciate all comments you've left on my blog. We just happen to disagree on a couple things. ;) And definitely, I don't take what my husband says about Islam as the truth. I like to check things out for myself, I have a bit of mistrust for people like him who are so much into their culture.

Stephanie: Wow, 100 people! That's a lot of people! Must've been pretty intense! I don't think there are 100 Muslims here in my region. Well, there might be approximately that many, but not that many who go to mosque. ;p

Aisyan, thanks. I'll check it out.

Sarah the Seeker said...

Good for you Candice! Is there anything in particular that convinced you to believe in Islam, or is it more an emotional thing? It sounds like it could be good to do it formally... not sure what I would do, but I'd want it quiet and simple I think.. that's just me :)

Candice said...

Sarah: I really don't know what did it, or if it's really fully "done". lol. But I somehow feel closer to God, closer to Islam. And the part of one of your posts about being a Muslim family really made me realize that I want us to be a Muslim family and I do identify us like that, although I think I read that after I wrote this post, but still, it is relevant now. It made me realize that I am not scared of this identity overall. (I am scared of it when it comes to my family)

Something simple but official and formal sounds like it would be ideal for me. I don't want to do it in front of a huge crowd or even a small one. No more than a few people hopefully. But I am not really at the point where I'd call up a mosque to do it.

mom said...

I think that you should seriously consider taking a college class on the history of religion and/or comparative religions before you take one step closer to making a formal or even personal commitment to any religion.

'I am not scared of this identity overall. (I am scared of it when it comes to my family)'

Trust me, unless you are willing to do permanent harm to your familial relationships do NOT leave them out of such serious life decisions.

So many converts think that their life is going to be sooo simple because they try to ram it down your throat that it is all glorious in it's simplicity when in actuality it is going to cause you so much more stress than your could ever imagine. When it does cause you this stress they will tell you that it is your struggle and you may even begin to make your life even harder (i.e. wearing niqab) just to prove that you are serious or that you accept the challenge. Religion is supposed to bring you peace and comfort not the stress that comes from converting, especially without the complete blessings of your family. Those who would encourage you to become Muslim will tell you to keep it a secret from your family until you get it all down. DO NOT follow their advice please.

SirAdib.com said...

I'm sorry for being controversial to mum but one thing to remember is that when you know exactly what is Truth, its best that you follow it ASAP. We know that death will come to anyone unexpectedly.

About peace and comfort...

13:28 those who believe, and whose hearts find their rest in the remembrance of God - for, verily, in the remembrance of God [men's] hearts do find their restا

29:2 Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried?

Candice said...

Thank you for your comment 'mom'. I think religion is between me and God first, so I don't feel the need to make it public if it will cause harm to my family. I think it's best for it to be public, but I don't really think it's necessary.
I agree with SirAdib that if you feel you know what the truth is, it's best to follow it.

mom said...

And how exactly does one know what the TRUTH is for sure? What if the TRUTH is Budhism or Unitarian Universalism or any other of the many many religions out there? Millions of people think that THEY have the TRUTH when another million can convince you that they have it. Isn't that right?

'...verily, in the remembrance of God [men's] hearts do find their restا'

No disrespect Sir Adhab but do a little research on women converts/reverts to Islam and you will see a very high percentage of depression in the group. Were they already depressed and that is why they became Muslim, being convinced by people like Sir Adhab that it will cure their sadness? Or did they become depressed later when they realised through their disappointment in the interactions with other Muslims as well as their new disconnect with everything that they had known etc. what a big mistake they made when they took on whole boatload of unnecessary entanglements and confusion in life?

I would be wary of anyone who tells you that you have to do make such a serious decision ASAP.

Do yourself a favor and if you feel a need to label yourself with a religion look into Unitarian Universalism (per their website: it is a caring, open-minded religion that encourages you to seek your own spiritual path. Our Faith draws on many religious traditions, welcoming people with different beliefs. We are united by shared values, not by creed or dogma. Our congregations are places where people gather to nurture their spirits and put their faith into action by helping to make our communities—and the world—a better place.)

SirAdib.com said...

Firstly, Adhab and Adib are two very different words.

Secondly, yes, anyone would think that they are sure what the Truth is. It's their choice. You're not reverting for the sake of people, you're doing this for God and yourself. And I stand my ground that verily, in the remembrance of God does one find rest.

Candice said...

'mom', I was careful in my wording "what you feel the truth is" because I know everyone has their own beliefs about what truth is, and there is no definitive proof for any of them.

You're obviously not very familiar with my blog and my story, which is perfectly fine, but about labeling myself with a religion, I have mentionned not wanting to be labeled Muslim because of how different I feel I am than other Muslims, but at the same time, "Muslim" is the right word for me because of what it means. Islam to me is close to what you described your religion to be, and I know it is not for all Muslims, but it is still their beliefs and their choice.

The Gori Wife said...

I took my shahada alone at home. Now, when I see women taking their shahada in the Mosque, they're quickly surrounding by women afterward congratulating them, offering help, guidance, support, friendship. I admit, I feel cheated... :( It's hard to struggle - alone - to find a place for yourself in this community. Doing it in a mosque would mean that you'd get a nice welcoming, and a lot of new contacts, hopefully friends. That's the way to go!

The only thing that would annoy me is that they have some Imam lead the woman through the shahada, translating it all the way, as if she has no idea what it means. Surely most of the women who convert have done their research! I think if they met with the imam first, explained that they already knew it and how to pronounce it and everything, maybe the imam wouldn't dumb it down...

Candice said...

Lol about dumbing it down. You know, I know a lot of things about Islam and I've know what the shahada means for a long time, but it was just recently that I looked up what it is in Arabic to really learn it. I could recognize it when I saw it a while ago, but I couldn't remember it (lots of similar syllables, I'd always miss one!)

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