Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Gay Marriage

I want to get it out there what I feel about homosexuality. I believe that it is not a CHOICE for them but something they are born with. They do not want to be attracted to others of the same sex, they just are. I think that choice comes in when it comes to homosexual acts. They can decide to act on their desire and have a relationship or engage in sexual acts with a person of the same sex, or they can decide not to. I think their deeds will reflect their choices and not their impulses like anyone else.

I completely support the laws here that makes it legal for two people of the same sex to marry. I don't feel it is Islamic for two men or two women to be together in a relationship, and I would never imagine making it OK for same sex couples to marry in a mosque, or even a church, but I think they deserve the same rights as any other person in this world. As long as their choices do not affect my rights, it is fine by me. I love that God writes in the Qur'an that there is no compulsion in religion. Everyone will be judged eventually and everyone will get what they deserve from the Just, God.

I love my homosexual friends and I want them to have the same basic civil freedoms and rights as anyone else. As far as getting married religiously, same sex marriages simply fall out of the definition of marriage and so I see no use in there being a religious ceremony.

A homosexual (someone who is attracted to people of the same sex) should ideally marry another homosexual (of the opposite sex! ex: a gay with a lesbian) to not be married to a heterosexual who should be benefitting from a marriage where the partner is attracted to her as much as she is to him. Although there would be no reason for a homosexual not to be married to a heterosexual if they are aware of the situation and accept it.

I want to make a note about definitions and labels. I define a homosexual as someone who is attracted to the same sex, whether or not he or she had any relations with a person of the same sex, but I think that if someone who is attracted to the same sex decides to lead a heterosexual life (or an asexual one), I would see them as innately homosexual, but I would feel no need to label them that way. I also think some people are innately attracted to both sexes although it's more rare that homosexuality as far as I can tell and most people claiming to be bi-sexual are mostly curious or sexually permiscuous.

The only other thing I wanted to add was how weird I feel about homosexuality when it comes to religion. In the end, I see it as a test that a person is supposed to overcome, but I hate to think that they are not given the same chance to lead a normal life as others are. This is a lifelong, constant battle for them, if they decide not to go through with their attractions and impulses... I think of other things I see as tests people need to overcome like cancer, losing a child, poverty, etc. and I just feel like homosexuality is so different. Not harder, but different because of how I believe that we innately KNOW what is wrong and what is right. I feel that God gave each of us this gift and that we are supposed to follow this innate knowledge. But what about homosexuals, who I believe innately are attracted to the "wrong sex". Their innate feelings are not right... Do they have an innate feeling that tells them they need to not act on this feeling? I can't know, but the answer has to be yes or I would need to rethink most of what I believe in.

Readers: What do you believe? If you have enough to say, please write a post on it (and come back here to let me know you did)!

14 Comentários:

أم ترافيس said...

I agree that some gay people do not have a choice in the matter, it is something they are born with. An alcoholic as well has a gene that makes his reaction to alcohol different than someone without this gene. That is why Allah forbid all alcohol because it is something which makes "some" people behave immorally and has in the past led to the breakdown of many societies. As long as governments and people think gays have rights equal to others, this means we accept/condone their behaviour. While there is ONE judge, we are responsible for keeping the society a morally acceptable one to raise our children and other good muslims. And if the society thinks it is acceptable then it makes it easier for the gays/alcoholics/anyone to continue acting in a morally unacceptable way and further the breakdown of our society, families and thus, the religion.

Gays/alcoholics/anyone who was born with any disease must seek refuge in Allah and surround themselves by other pious people. That is the only solution to overcoming the disease and succeeding in the hereafter.

Sarah said...

Ooooh.. controversial topic!
I mostly agree with you I think. I will post about it at some point!

cairo, lusaka, amsterdam said...

I agree with you completely Candice. Homosexuals should have the same rights we have. In the end, God will judge us. I believe that it is not a choice at all and that for most homosexuals it is a lifelong battle. I have friends who are homosexual and it really affects them on a day to day basis, especially in terms of their relationship to religion. I wrote a paper 2 years ago on this subject and it was so interesting to do the research.

I think I'll write a post on this too at some point =)

miseducation of the cushitic girl said...

Salam sister,
I agree with you that they have a choice but some may be born with it. I view it as an illness. It's unnatural to the course of existence and reproduction. It has always been there but what I completely oppose is that today it is not something wrong that the person can look to change, it is almost fashionable.
I believe they can change. I have homosexual friends too and almost all of them had been molested or sexually abused by a man in their past.
This shows it's a psychological thing in many many cases. They use homosexuality as their identity to overcome fight back and not be the victim of their abuse and instead adopt it.
There are some gays who change back to being straight! They are out there...so that again shows there is a choice.
Ok, we don't live in a sharia country which it would be a crime by murder to commit sodomy but instead of just tolerating it, this society almost encourages it.
Here in Uk, the schools want to start teaching kids they have a choice to be gay when they are still in primary school.
In Canada the school cirriculum is reviewed by a panel so that it is gay-friendly.

They have the same rights because they are human. In the end yes God will judge but He also reminds us (in the Bible, Torah and Quran) that it is unnatural and wrong.

They should be helped.

It may be all nice to be as tolerant as you are but if they get married just as heterosexuals, the couple can adopt. Studies have shown that boys adopted by a gay couple may be emotionally and psychologically harmed, views of themselves distorted and end up confused and become gay. Taking that into account, would you still let such an adoption happen? Isn't it their right? Where do we draw the line?

noorsjourney said...

Assalamu aleikum, this post touches a nerve with me as my best friend since I was 11 years old dropped me after I took shahada because he "couldn't handle Muslims" and he hated to see me "oppressed." Interestingly enough, I used to be the most liberal person in the world when it came to homosexuality...before shahada I went to the gay bars (astaghfirallah), gay parades, and thought the whole gay thing was just fine. Now I'm not so sure. I am so happy in my marriage that I just can't see the idea of two men or two women being together as "normal" anymore. This does NOT mean that I think homosexuals are bad people. I see it now as more of a spiritual test than anything else. At the end of the day I believe that only Allah SWT can judge gay people...the rest of us should just mind our own business. Thank you for letting me comment. :)

noorsjourney said...

PS: I forgot to mention that my friend in the above post is gay. I still miss him like crazy and hope that he is OK as he refuses to speak to me, but I can't condone his lifestyle anymore.

Lisa said...

I'm going to post on it and return. I disagree with gay marriage for the most part.

Candice said...

Miseducation: I don't like to think about it as a disease... I don't know, maybe I should. What I am saying in my post is essentially not that far from it being a disease, but I still don't see it that way.

About them adopting, it is not an Islamic thing either to "adopt" in the way we do now. What is Islamic is to take care of the orphans and be fair to them. I think that an orphan is better off with 2 men or 2 women than in an orphanage. I am against them using a surrogate though and bringing a child into this world to be their child. I am for them being allowed to take care of a child in need.

Noor's journey, I see it pretty much like you do. It's a test and a difficult one. I hope your friend can come around.

Umm Omar said...

Lots of great comments here, and I agree with much that has been said. I don't, however, agree that gay people should have equal rights to non-gays. When we do that, we're making homosexuality a norm and a socially acceptable thing. Many believe that that alone can make homosexuality evolve even further, biologically speaking, and homosexuality is not about the individual, but about the society!

Anisah said...

It's not a disease! It's about who you are attracted to and who you love. Do you think people would CHOOSE to have to hide who they are and who they love? Now they don't really have to, but in the past (and in some countries even now), they had to or risk death.

Comparing it to alcoholism is really wrong.

My 2 cents.

Anisah

Candice said...

I don't think it's a disease either because no one wants a disease and some people can be perfectly happy with being homosexual and not even want to be straight.
Depending on the definition, I guess I can understand why some people classify it like that... Something you get whether you want it or not that is not natural and not ideal in your life. Something that makes you suffer and is a test(for a homosexual, one who does not want these feelings and wants to live a heterosexual life).

I also think comparing it to alcoholism is plain wrong.

Umm Omar said...

I forgot to add that actually, even in the medical world, this could be classified as a "disorder." Gender Identity Disorder is a psychological condition that is categorized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, and many of those (if not all) who suffer from it are gay.

Amber said...

I have nothing to add except that you've expressed exactly how I feel about it.

Anonymous said...

Not sure how to use a name other than my real name (don't use that on the Net) or Anonymous, since I don't have a blog. I post elsewhere as Haya, so my intention is not to hide behind Anonymous.

Gender Identity Disorder and homosexuality are two different things. Homosexuality has not been classified as a disease according to the DSM since 1974. I also disagree with the comparison of homosexuality to alcoholism. I believe that homosexuality is a matter of nature, i.e. genetics, not nurture. (I do think that there are some women, in particular, who might have been abused by people of the opposite sex who end up in same sex relationships because they fear and dislike men because of their experiences.)

I am Muslim and do not believe that dedicated, respectful, monogamous homosexual relationships are sinful. I do not believe that homosexuality in terms of identity is not addressed in the Qur'an. That concept did not exist at the time. I believe that what the Qur'an forbids is same-sex relationships based on lust as an attempt to circumvent the rules that guide the formation of licit heterosexual relationships. These relationships in the Middle East as well as the Classical world were frequently between older man and younger men or boys (and this paradigm still seems present in some places in the "Muslim" world, if my friends from Afghanistan, for example, are correct).

We know that Islam requires us to treat each other as ends, not means. You can't use anyone for sex-- it contradicts what we are taught about people and their rights and what we're taught about the nature of sex. Sex has to be licit and it's made licit by a formal, mutual recognition of rights and responsibilities. Homosexual relationships can certainly have these qualities, as many of us have seen in our gay friends' lives. A lovely Biblical principle is "By their fruits they shall be known", and the fruits of many gay relationships are love, tenderness, faith life, caring for children and family, humility, taming the nafs. The fruits of repression are often self-loathing, turning away from God (frequently because straight people keep saying God has no use for them), and promiscuity instead of health, monogamous sexuality.

I believe that the Qur'an has guidance for us for every situation but I don't think it explicitly addresses every situation. Instead, we're pointed towards the right actions at the right times. Polygamy had its place at the time of the Prophet and may still have its place in some places and again in the future. Slavery had its place as a way to manage prisoners of war. But we don't have slaves now, and women don't often need to be incorporated into polygamous households for their own protection; instead we have welfare services and a more equal gender ratio. Likewise, we recognize homosexuality as a natural, not an adopted, identity, just like heterosexuality. So homosexual expression can be guided by Islamic principles of respect, just as heterosexual expression can be.

I'm sure you disagree with me on this, but at least I'm glad we can agree that we can respectfully leave others to their actions. And thanks for inviting discussion on this controversial topic.

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