Thursday, April 23, 2009

Traditional Roles - 2nd Try...!

It took me about an instant after I posted to remember where I was going with this previous one. I will write it out in one sentence so I don't forget again. I wanted to talk about how traditional roles are ideal, but not reality for many women, especially here in the West.

In my case, my husband is new to this place. He has been here for just over a year, but he's learning French full time so he hasn't had a chance to work full time. I have been the one providing for the most part. I don't feel that Islam is against women being in a providing role, seeing as women are allowed to own things and have their own money as well. It's not an Islamic ideal to have the woman out of the house all the time, especially when there are kids, but it's something that sometimes has to happen.

I personally would love to work just part time. I don't think I'd be able to be a housewife with a bunch of kids. I wrote about it earlier... And I think I might just be a one baby kind of woman. It might cause me some tough decisions later on since I don't think it's a great thing to stay on birth control forever... Someday I'm sure I will be stable enough to be *able* to have other children without worrying that I wouldn't provide well enough for them financially, emotionally, etc. Right now I feel like I have enough to offer my daughter, but not quite enough for another child!

What I wanted to get to, and am still not at, is that I don't see much stuff on Islam that deals with this reality some families have where roles are either switched, or more often than not, the woman takes on both roles. There is so much out there about being a good wife, but I feel that there is not as much out there about being a good husband. There are articles all over the place about women doing things for their husband, having extra patience with him, showing respect, being thankful, obeying him even. But I don't see things about how men need to be extra supportive to a wife who works full time while raising the kids. Helping her by doing the dishes once in a while maybe. Or having extra patience with her when she has a tough day and is being a bit "bitchy".

It would be nice to see these types of articles once in a while... Something that tells a man the qualities he needs to have and show in his daily life... An article just on that last one could go over MANY topics and not only marriage...

Anyway, that was kind of what I wanted to say... I want a better marriage, a more Islamic marriage, but not necessarily one with the most traditional roles...

3 Comentários:

cairo, lusaka, amsterdam said...

"There is so much out there about being a good wife, but I feel that there is not as much out there about being a good husband." This is definitely a problem, but I guess the reason is that at the time the Qur'an was revealed it wasn't really common for women to be in the providing role, and so the Qur'an and Hadith may not have focused too much on it. However, times have changed and as Muslims we need to move on and realize that the genius of the Qur'an is that it can be applied to different situations. Too many Muslims act as if we are still living in 7th century Arabia...wake up!

Also, Khadija was an independent woman and I'm sure the Prophet (pbuh) was supportive of her, so it's not a revolutionary idea for a Muslim woman to provide/be economically independent.

Candice said...

Yes, that's what I was figuring out as I wrote the post. But as you say, there are plenty of ways to apply Islam to these situations even if they were not the norm in the time of the Qur'an's revelation. People put so much focus on hadiths for their interpretation of the Qur'an that it's no wonder so many situations are being ignored as though they shouldn't exist.

caraboska said...

Seems to me that in Islam, providing is an obligation for males, and sadaqa for females. An act of charity.

It also seems there isn't much of a place for people who don't fit into the mold - who live beyond gender, for whom it would not make a whole lot of difference in their personality if they had different plumbing.

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