Thursday, April 9, 2009

Obedience to our husbands

I just read this article: http://www.al-ibaanah.com/articles.php?ArtID=63

I did not enjoy that much at all! I'm all about respecting a respectable man, but this was about nothing else than obedience. It did not talk about the man and what he needs to be. It did not talk about instances where a woman should not obey. It did not address modern issues like the need for two incomes in certain situations.

This part here got me a bit mad:
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The great scholar, Ibn Al-Qayyim, said: “Those who say that it is obligatory for the woman to serve the husband use (this ayah) as proof in that those who Allaah directed His Speech to (on this occasion) considered this to be from al-ma’roof (good). But as for the woman relaxing and having the husband serve her, sweep, grind the flour, knead the bread, wash the clothes, fix the bed, and serve the household, then that is from al-munkar (evil).

And Allaah says: ‘And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar to those (of their husbands) over them.[Surah Al-Baqarah: 228]
And Allaah says: ‘Men are the protectors and maintainers over women.’ [Surah An-Nisaa: 34]

So if a woman doesn’t serve her husband, but instead he acts like a servant to her, then this means that she is the protector and maintainer over him.”
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Obviously not the Qur'an parts, which are perfectly fine and describe the role of men. But the comment at the bottom... What does it even have to do with it? If a woman doesn't serve her husband for unknown reasons, and the man serves her for unknown reasons, then she is protecting and maintaining him? Seriously, there is no logic present in that sentence!

And he uses these two ayahs as some sort of proof that women must obey their husbands, when it doesn't have anything to do with it (at least in no direct way!). The first is about them having similar rights over each other. To me, it does mean that they have different roles, but are equal nonetheless (since they have similar rights over each other). I see these two ayahs and I feel like men and women are equal partners with different and equally important roles in life.

This article searches really really hard to find any sort of link to ayahs and hadiths that could mean that a woman is to be obedient to her man. I believe in respect from both sides of the relationship and I don't see a marriage as needing a captain! Any marriage where the woman respects her husband and the man respects his wife, they will find a compromise to any issue between them. No one needs to *tell* the other and make final decisions for the relationship. Each view is as worthy as the other.

5 Comentários:

hadah said...

hi there. to ease ur anger, maybe we can related to Prorhet Muhammad's way of treating his wifes. he is the most loving man and will never ask his wifes to do things rhat he can do it himself like cooking, sewing his clothes which are torn and lots more. this is Muhammad. not like some of the man nowadays who literally taking advantage of their wifes. they should take Prophet Muhammad as their role model. he is the most romantic husband ever as he called his wife, Aisya, a nickname Humaira which means rosy cheeks. see isnt he romantic. actually theres more.. this is just part of him that i lurve to share.

Candice said...

Well, my anger is not towards the Qur'an or what we know of Muhammad from the hadiths. It's from the way everyone has been interpreting them. I was reading the Qur'an and hadith statements alone from that article and has nothing at all against them! It was just all that was written around them.

They should have more articles about how men should behave with their wives too. Their roles don't end at simply bringing in the bacon. I've been trying to find some Islamic articles about marriage that could inspire both me and my husband to be better but it's mostly aimed at getting women to be more patient and all taht.

Umm Omar said...

The way you described what a marriage should be like is exactly right, and Islam does not oppose a marriage like that. Consultation (shura) between husbands and wives is a value of marriage in Islam, as well as mutual respect, love, and appreciation. You'll find that the most successful Muslim families today practice those values.

Keep in mind that those scholarly texts are not meant to complement anyone and they are very, very literal. Also,(imo)they are not really written for lay people to benefit from, rather for students of knowledge or other scholars. And, much is lost in translation by the time it reaches the hands of those like you and me. I am not trying to diminish the value of these works AT ALL (I read and value them greatly), but they are all "theory" so to speak. Real life is not divided into blacks and whites and we must keep that in mind when applying knowledge to our own lives. The very scholars who write these books expect that of us.

Muslims are a nation of thousands of cultures and traditions. These roles that Allah talks about in the Quran and which this scholar referred to act as a general social welfare system for us, to make sure that other factors don't overpower the justice that should exemplify the lives we live.

Solace In Islam said...

I feel exactly like you about this. Unfortunately in some communities the men tend to emphasise articles like this and the women never question them.

Z said...

Look here: www.idealmuslimah.com

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