Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Not much to say lately!

(sunlight...! coming to my life?)
I have not been able to think of much to put on the blog lately. I don't know if I should really keep up with the blog, actually. I wouldn't delete it, but I am not sure of the blogging world. I'm not even finding it very interesting to even read others' blogs for the most part. So I guess, really, it's not fully about me not having anything to say, it's about... Well, I don't know what it's about, but I will try to figure it out as I write this.

I do not have the "passion" for Islam and learning about Islam that I have had in the past and had until just very recently. I feel like I still don't know for sure if the Qur'an is the truth from God, and that it's something I need to figure out as soon as possible, but I don't feel the urgency much. I feel that the best thing I can do for myself and my family is focus on being a good person overall. Focus on controlling everything that is negative in my character and improving it. I need to focus on being better in my relationships and interactions with others. I don't feel I'm doing too bad in these aspects, but it's so important to just strive to be better and that my energy would be better spent on this.

Islam might be the truth. I might figure that later, but I don't think I will have regretted focusing on being better rather than focusing on Islam as a religion. I get caught up in the "religion" part of it, which can be so man-made. It's people trying to figure out how to best interpret what they feel God has given them (Qur'an, Hadith, tradition). There is an ultimate truth out there somewhere, but it's not accessible to us, I believe. If the Qur'an is the perfectly preserved and unchanged word of God (which I believe is a possibility), it's still words that people try their best to interpret, but words are words and there's no fully unanimous meaning figured out for the whole of the Qur'an. And if it's the word of God, I'm sure it's deep and meaningful enough that no human will ever fully understand and comprehend. We just get the most out of it as is possible, and it will NEVER be ALL.

So what I am saying that for me, my time will, for now, be better spent focusing on finding the truth inside me first (all of it being given by God, let's agree) than finding the truth of the Qur'an. I don't really want to go to hadiths just because of how obviously not perfectly preserved and unchanged those are. For me, hadiths are interesting and useful history. I'm not yet sure to what extent, but obviously I'm not at a place to try to figure that out and I don't even want to go there. I do not want any comments on them either, if at all possible.

Possibly, this "let go" of "Islam" (in quotation marks just because my focus was not on Islam itself in its purest) was given to me as a gift to be better. Might seem ironic for Muslims who read my blog, but that' s what it seems to be!

11 Comentários:

Cecilia said...

No you should not delete it, just let it rest for a while

Cecilia said...

Do you know what? I think it´s good that you are focusing on yourself. You know, you can´t focus on religion if you are not, what do you say, in harmony with your self. first when you know yourself and what you want in life then can you take religion to your heart, whatever religion that might be.
I do hope you find out some day that islam is the truth. I wish you good luck in life :)

Anisah said...

heya Candice...

I think u are on "overwhelming mode" hehee
Listen you have tons to handle right now. so I think focusing on urself is part of your journey...and it's an important one.

I dunno if I put this..but when I did my shahada...and I chose a name for myself... I did it for MYSELF. not anyone else. between me and God that's it..that's all :)
so taking the time to focus on yourself is perfect, if you ask me.
Cecilia is right :)
hang in there !!

Candice said...

Thanks for your comments! Anisah, I understand that. :)

Aalya said...

I have to agree that you are on 'overload' right now and you need time to put all these new thoughts in perspective. Working on 'improving yourself' is always a good thing... Islam is a way of life for many people and living within its rules gives some people good guidance but for others it is seen as restrictive... I fall somewhere in between and you know what...I think that's ok. If you look at the Quran, there is so much emphasis on Prayer and Charity... if you focus your thoughts and actions on that only you can't go wrong! Don't bog yourself down with all the teachings of Islam it will overwhelm! Be a good person and work on that..everything else will fall into place God-willing!
(don't delete your blog! :)

Candice said...

Thanks for your comment, Aalya. I will do just that. I don't want to delete my blog either... I just won't write on it much. Or if I do, I guess it will not be so "Islam-oriented" since I'm not focusing on it as much right now. I'm sure it will fall into place, as you said! (or hope so!)

khany said...

sincerity is a part of faith. the two go hand in hand. focusing on one should simultaneously draw you closer to the other.

when you try to be a better person you are being islamic in this respect. if all goodness is from god then how could it be otherwise?

conversely if a person's religion is not helping them become a better person then they should reevaluate their position. faith should be transformative otherwise it is reduced to mere ritual.

whoever submits His whole self to Allah and is a doer of good,- He will get his reward with his Lord; on such shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.

Candice said...

Thank you so much for your message. It really did make me feel closer to God. I think this is part of my necessary journey. :)

phillygrl said...

candice..this is my first time to your blog, but I am in the same position...good luck on your journey as continue mine as well..

Melissa said...

Candice, I just found your blog from your message on mine the other day.
It's important to take care of yourself, and not overwhelm yourself.

Candice said...

Thanks for your message, phillygrl. You should blog more often, I'd love to check it out.

Melissa: Thanks for visiting. I found your blog by googling that abaya I'm looking into buying. I will surely post about it on here if I do, and again with pics once I get it. Still not too sure. I think I'll wait until you get your's before I make a decision!

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