Thursday, February 26, 2009

What I should be looking for... (marriage checklist)


OK, I am married so I am not looking for anything, but I saw a checklist on Marry Halal and I thought I'd make one of my own of things I find important. This is not the list I would have made before I got married, I'm sure, but now that I have some experience, I probably have a much better list:

1) Morality/religiosity - If he believes in Islam, then it needs to be someone who actually practices what he believes. It needs to be someone who also believes, not just because religion tells him to, but from his own heart, that everyone should be treated nicely and with respect, that we should help others, that we should not cheat, lie, deceive, and all that good stuff.

2) A certain view of women - I will describe. Needs to be someone who believes that women are equal to men, in different ways, but equal nonetheless. And that both the man and the woman in the household have the same amount of responsabilities and duties as well as benefits; not the woman having everything on her shoulders. I describe it this way because if they both work and contribute to the household, I think they should have the same responsabilities around the house, but if the man works to support the family and makes enough to do so, and the woman works to keep her money for herself, then the housework is her responsability since she keeps all the benefits from her earnings. Hope I explained that clearly.

1) and 2) combined means a man who respects his wife and her beliefs, feelings, thoughts, ideas. Someone who will take into consideration his wife's thoughts on a matter and not do things behind her back, or "anyway" if she doesn't agree.

These were the main ones because they are many qualities just in one thing. Here are others:

3) Sense of humour - Someone who doesn't take himself too seriously and can laugh at things easily.

4) Emotional stability - Someone who doesn't have a bad temper. Someone laid back but focused.

5) Having things in common - It is SO IMPORTANT to have things in common!!! OF course, the first of these things is religion. But go further and think of having similar education, culture, and hobbies. At least have some of these in common. So for example: if you are an outdoorsy person, it's best not to marry someone who is homey and not open to outdoorsy things. If you have a passion, make sure that the person is open to that passion, and better yet, shares it. Love alone is NOT enough.

10 Comentários:

farahfaza said...

I think I'll link to this if you don't mind.

Completely agree with number 2.

The question is how do you detect whether a guy really fits that category and isn't just saying what you want to hear?

Cecilia said...

a question!

how come you decided to met someone online?
I would love to know! :)
maby you can make a post about that if you want to??

Candice said...

Link away!

I don't know how you can really tell, but if the person is not in love, he probably has no reason to lie. :p

Candice said...

Cecilia, here's probably not enough information about the online thing for a post! It was just a random occurance, really. I wasn't looking for anything except friendly chat. It just developped from there.

malekat_el7oriya said...

wow very cool! but it'll be a long time before i might even use it lol well i mean I am 13 :P but anyways thanks so much for your sweet comment on my blog! You're amazing

Candice said...

I didn't know you were 13! You're really mature :)

Thirst For Knowledge said...

Great post! I am always amazed at women who will go into a marriage blindly without knowing anything about the person they are about to marry. Often they marry the guy because he is a friend of the family or the parents pressure the daughter or son to marry so and so's son or daughter. In islam, we are encouraged to have a look at who we will be marrying as well as having friends, family research the person they will be marrying (since dating is not allowed), and to seek a guy/woman who has good manners and practices islam properly. Unfortunately a lot of men and women marry for status or money and end up in unhappy marriages. In islam, there is a prayer called istikhara which is helpful when someone is in doubt and Allah (God) will guide them toward whats best for them. Relationships are founded on communication and trust, and in most relationships one if not both of these things are lacking. As for meeting someone on the internet like i see nothing wrong with it, and in todays society its more practical to find someone online then have friends and family introduce you to random people or go out and search yourself!

Thirst For Knowledge said...

candice, i forgot to mention earlier i read your post on reading the quran and translations... theres a great website called www.islamhouse.com and if you click on engish and scroll to the top you can type in "glorious quran" and you can download a translation of the quran, which according to my husband (arab) is the best arabic translation hes ever seen! Some great sites to read more about islam is www.kalamullah.com and www.islamway.com both are great and taught me a lot about islam!

Candice said...

Thanks for the links, TfK, I put them in my favourites. About Internet, I think it can be a very useful tool to finding someone... And that way the person has more choice and variation, I guess. But people need to be careful.

essenceoftimeandearth said...

man i love your posts and most of your frequent commenters blogs..your all so deep! s'malla!

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