Friday, February 20, 2009

Living a stable, balanced life

I was never the beauty type. I didn't do my hair or wear make-up and overall, I've never been the type to care about my appearance much. BUT, I did struggle with "borderline anorexia", as I term it. My best friend had serious issues with her weight; wanting to be extremely thin, and I had this type of feeling too since before I met her, but it just brought them back up when we started seeing each other so often. And compared to her, I ate TONS! So I just felt like I was being normal with this.

I am so happy to have gotten rid of this "obsession". I would go on pro-ana websites, I'd look up all sorts of tips to losing weight or suppressing appetite. I counted every calorie and limited it to 1200/day, making sure I never went over that amount by exaggerating the count on everything I ate. And I didn't even feel like I was doing anything bad or different.

I think it's something similar for people who get their hair done every month, don't go out without make-up and have to have the latest fashions. It's not detrimental to their health at least, but it's the same kind of "obsession" that is really not *good* for anyone's health, mostly mental. And there are all sorts of other things that a person can be obsessed about that don't seem to matter much, but that are really just a pain in a person's life!

How to find that balance in life where you are not "stuck" on anything, whether it be beauty, weight, men, music, TV shows, etc? I think I have been in periods of imbalance because of all of these things. I had a time when I had at least one show I followed each day on TV, and I NEEDED to watch it. I had a time when I would spend all day in class fantasizing about kissing a boy I liked. I had a time when I would go home after school and just download music, finding new artists I liked, and looking forward to just finishing class to put on my earphones. Even just to walk from one class to another.

One thing that made ME more stable is getting married. Once the need for a boyfriend went away, it's as though my whole world changed. I did not have to spend any time looking at guys on the street, imagining who I might meet, wondering when I'd get that first kiss, what he might look like, how much he'd love me, etc. And it seems that by eliminating this, most of my other obsessions went away. I watch TV now, but I don't even know when my favourite shows are on. I listen to music, but I never update my mp3 player and I mostly just have the radio on anyway.

Part of me misses this part of myself because it was exciting in some ways. It's passion. And maybe I don't have any passion in my life now except my daughter, but I can think so much more clearly for it. I can understand life better. I can concentrate better. The thing closest to that right now for me is Islam. Or the Islam-related. Watching videos on youtube, visiting a message board, writing this blog, reading blogs, reading articles, listening to Qur'an, etc.

Who can relate? Who is "affected" by one of these little "obsessions" and do you even want to get rid of it? Will you go the route of finding a balance or complete elimination?

7 Comentários:

Cecilia said...

"One thing that made ME more stable is getting married. Once the need for a boyfriend went away, it's as though my whole world changed. I did not have to spend any time looking at guys on the street, imagining who I might meet, wondering when I'd get that first kiss, what he might look like, how much he'd love me, etc"

this is exactly how it was for me before I met my husband!

أم ترافيس said...

I have a really addictive personality. It caused a big part of me to self-destruct but I am still like that. Just not with haram stuff. In shaa Allah, I hope not. Although I guess all addictions are bad... arent they?

Sarah said...

I have loads of little obsessions and addictions. If getting married fixes some of it, maybe it's about security? I was always pretty neurotic in relationships but I'm a lot less so now I'm married. I also find I have much more compulsion to eat chocolate and to watch endless repeats of TV shows on DVD when I'm really stressed about my work. If it is about underlying anxiety then perhaps tackling that is the way ahead. I've contemplated a total ban on chocolate but I don't like to attempt things I know I will fail at. :-)

Candice said...

I'd say that yes, all addictions are bad in at least a small or even tiny way.

Security probably has something to do with it. When I don't feel secure, my life definitely takes a turn for the worse, although it's not in any addicting type of way.

Anisah said...

hello:)
oh man can I relate !! lol
I miss SWIMMING, I miss tv.. however..Ive recently gotta not much choice but to sit down and relax and watch some.. lol being a whale and all lol
( pregnant)
I just wanna say.. this is why they say marriage is half your Deen....cause it protects you from so much haram..and does strengthen ur faith. Al hamdullilah for that.
changing your life style to an Islamic one is hard.. it is NOT easy at all.
I miss the wind in my hair... :( BUT at the same time..I am so thankful for hijab because it ahs given me more freedom and securtiy.. and self respect..and respect among others... more than I could ever have imagined. that is worth more to me than the swimming and wind in my hair :)

SO when there is a change in our lives...we always have to make compromises.. being a new mother is a huge one too...it changes EVERYTHING.
hang in there and follow ur gut :)
xo

Candice said...

I really wanna go swimming... My bathing suit is modest compared to others' suits, but seriously, I feel uncomfortable in it because it still exposes everything. I've swimming once in a public place with it. At least summer is coming and I'll be able to swim in privacy.

Anisah said...

I think I found a place this summer...
A Moroccan sister has a pool in her back yard..!!! it's safe lol
Incha'allah

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