The past week has been tough, even before the voice loss and total frustration. Every time I get a bit of a down in my personal life, I seem to run away from God. What I think I may be realizing is that I'm not ready for the ritual part of Islam: praying 5 times a day, going to Friday prayer, even fasting but at least we're not there yet. It's way too much for me, and maybe that actually *is* the only thing missing for me to convert. But I'm not 100% sure about it all. Definitely though, when things are going well, I feel closer to God, I feel like I'm doing better in life, and I feel like I can overcome anything (including how difficult it would be to pray). But not right now.
I'll have to see what happens in the next weeks. I'll try examining my feelings to see if what I'm typing now makes any sense. But it feels like a realization.