Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Feelings of despair?

I am such a positive person. That's how I see myself most of the time. Apart from that, I do have a bit of a bad temper, with my husband especially. Things are just so difficult probably because of the culture difference, in part, and the overall differences in the types of people we are, and I have trouble accepting a lot of things about him. But even then, my anger with him is not the main part of our relationship. These are the two main things I'd say about myself when I examine the things I outwardly do.

Inside, I am easily able to make myself feel positive, but I have a lasting feeling of dispair that I can't fully hide and put away. This feeling that we are here for nothing and that the boredom of my life is not even worth enduring. And I have what I would describe as a great life! Happy childhood, adolescence, etc. Great people surrounding me. I consider myself intelligent and well-rounded in most aspects of life. And I am happy most of the time. And yet I still feel it's not worth living it.

I'd never do anything about it because it's not like it's difficult to live this good life of mine and forget the fact that I feel it's worthless, but I still get moments every once in a while where that's what I feel. And I know that I have this feeling underneath everything all the time.
Anyone else have this? Or is believing with all your heart that there's a God give you a sense of purpose of life that takes away feelings that life is worthless and useless? I'm obviously not there yet, anyway.

5 Comentários:

Aalya said...

I think it's normal to feel like this from time to time. I mean not everything in life will be rosy always and even if it is... you can feel that it's not. I personally go through times of depression and feeling sorry for myself but then somehow it passes. I really do believe that a belief in God does help - as cheesy as it sounds but we all have a purpose in life. When you feel a part of the 'bigger' picture it gives you a meaning to life!

أم ترافيس said...

I agree with Aalya :) Try spending your free time to learn about Islam, reading and talking to ppl and asking everything u need to ask, until u are 100% sure... otherwise, as u said, what is the point? Sometimes when I look at others who have no religion, I wonder what IS the point for them? Having fun? Abusing themselves? Once you become sure of what it is YOU believe, the world takes on a whole new meaning.

Candice said...

A lot of people do great things and are atheists. They don't believe in God, but they believe in generosity, kindness, compassion, etc. And I'm sure many of them feel satisfied with their lives and what they're doing with it, even if they don't believe there's anything after...
My husband, the most "religious" person I know, doesn't seem to have found any meaning through it, which makes things really difficult for me. I have way better examples of people doing something worthwhile with their lives through non-practicing Christians and agnostics and atheists than Muslims.

أم ترافيس said...

Maybe you just havent found the right people to be learning from. I personally have found the peace inside a good believers heart something very rare and beautiful indeed. And its not in every heart. And I certainly didnt see that in any athiest, agnostic or even christian before... it is something completely different. But thats just my experience I guess.

Candice said...

I definitely haven't experienced that. And I guess my beliefs, which are probably much different than your's, maybe make that I wouldn't really this as "beauty" in a Muslim more than a Christian, atheist, etc. I have trouble finding anyone who has a pure heart... Don't think I ever have, really. But I don't expect to find it more in a Muslim than any other person.

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