Friday, January 16, 2009

What I'm thinking about today.


I keep thinking about God. Contemplating God. I want to get away from this image that God is like a human, only ever-powerful in all ways. It just makes me confused and makes me feel further away from God (even though it is this idea that makes people feel *close* to God). When I think about it in the opposite way, I imagine God simply as an intelligent energy, sometimes an energy that is apart from and controls the world and sometimes an energy that IS everything in the world. I'm reading more about pantheism and other such ideas to see what resonates with me and what doesn't. The more reading, learning and thinking, the better.

I have this deep desire to believe the God that authored/inspired the Qur'an. Maybe it's because of the general need to believe in God and the fact that the Qur'an is *it*. It's so simple and there's such unity. And my husband is Muslim, although he doesn't put any pressure on me. I'm just not there yet. And I feel like I'm trying any way to just believe it. If it was really the truth, with all the efforts I've been making, I'd believe by now, no?

I can also see it this way: If I can't get "over" Islam, then maybe there is something about it that is the truth? So I continue.

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