Friday, January 30, 2009

My husband

This entry is related to the post from Is There Food On My Niqaab about fiances being non-mahrams (it was re-posted on Beautiful Muslimah as well).

I was thinking back on my relationship and how I met my husband and it struck me how quickly he tried to turn our "relationship" into an engagement. I was just a regular Quebecker student and had some knowledge about Islam, but not much, and I wasn't thinking of converting but I was learning bit by bit. We started chatting and Islam was something that got us to meet just because I was attempting to learn about Islam by speaking with Muslims. The first night we chatted, we stayed up until 5 a.m. my time (it was noon in Egypt!) chatting about a lot of different thing, but a lot about Islam.

The thing that made me message him in the first place was this weird thing in his profile saying that he was looking for a Western woman with white skin for a serious relationship. It was super-weird and I wanted to talk with Muslims to better understand them so I tried him. He showed me before we even spoke that there was something I didn't understand! I learned that the Western part was something he had in mind because he figured the woman would convert, so he'd have helped in that, and making her children born Muslims, therefore adding Muslims to the world who would have otherwise been Christian. And the white skin thing was a weird personal thing. I think it's a pretty wide-spread thing in Egypt that white skin is prettier. So weird.

Anyway, we chatted and he gave himself a lot of excuses to be with me. We chatted about inappropriate topics, topics that were fine for me to chat about but that he probably felt uncomfortable with at the beginning. And we spent too much time chatting about the same topics over and over (had nothing else to talk about after so much time) and it made us delve deeper into dumb topics. But he gave himself excuses that if he chatted with me less or wasn't there, I'd go somewhere else. Or that we were in a serious relationship, practically engaged, so it was OK. Looking back, I can see that he didn't find some of it OK. He wanted to meet me as soon as possible, wanted to have me engaged as soon as possible and married as soon as possible. But it was done so quick really, that we were married and it took about a year before I actually admitted it to anyone including myself. We signed papers December 31, 2005, but in my mind, he wasn't my husband until quite a while later.

All this because he knew it wasn't something he, as a Muslim should be doing. He knew I was his non-mahram until that last day of 2005.

It's weird to think about these things backwards from now because I've gained so much knowledge about Islam and I've changed a lot in the way I view things. And it's weird to think that I did things so differently than I would do them now if I had to.

5 Comentários:

أم ترافيس said...

Unfortunately this is not so abnormal. And as you were not Muslim, in shaa Allah he tried his best... but there is a hadith, reminding us, that two people, a man and woman are never alone, that Shayton (the devil) is the third. So if u were ALONE alone, then certainly I imagine it is impossible for a man to easily restrain himself (no matter what anyone says.. this IS the nature of man) and that is why he shouldnt be alone with her, cuz it is INEVITABLE, even the strongest of men are weak in this area ;)

May Allah forgive him, and guide you both to the best Islamic ideals.

Jamilah said...

Very interesting post... I think this happens a lot and its nice to know that you can look back and see what happened might not have been quite right. Inshallah you can talk to him about this as well and both learn from it. Keep in mind that we are all weak sometimes and that he was just excited about talking to you and that might have left a few things in the back of his mind...

May Allah guide you both to happiness.

Candice said...

Umm Travis, I hate to think that you're right that it's inevitable that something would happen when men and women together are given too much freedom, but I actually think you are right. It might take longer for some than others, and it might be of various degrees, but something non-Islamic is bound to happen in these circumstances. Could just be talking about sex, or it could be that they actually have sex, but *somthing* is bound to happen!

But my husband is pretty amazing to have kept himself for 24 years, I think. :)

Anonymous said...

salams sis, is there any way i can suscribe to your blog (like recieve emails with your new posts) without having a blog myself?

jezakkalah Kheiran

Candice said...

If you have a gmail email account, you can use Google Reader. On there you can add all the blogs you want to follow and the title of the blog will be bold with the number of unread posts in brackets. I use that and it's what I would suggest to use.
Or else you can get yourself on without actually creating a blog and "follow" the blogs you like. They will not tell you when there's a new post though but at least you have all your favourite blogs there in one place.
Thanks for the interest!

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