Sirat al mustaqeem - The straight path

My husband knows I will be mentioning him in this post :p

I made him read an excerpt from something I was writing; a fictional character writing a letter to Allah. In it, she asks Allah help keeping her on the straight path and continues, describing the path as what Allah has laid out for us to follow in this world. (What we should do as Muslims, how we should live, to gain Allah's favour as we continue on in this life).

This is how I see the straight path. It's everything that we should do in our religion for Allah. So if we are doing well, we are on the straight path... If we are doing wrong, we are deviating away from what God has told us to do; away from the straight path.

My husband said this was a mistake in what I wrote. That the straight path has nothing to do with this life and that it's a line we will need to walk across on the final day where we either fall to Hell or make it across to Heaven.

I'd heard this before, but I never thought a person could dismiss the straight path as simply a physical path we'll need to deal with only after we die!

The straight path is something I strive for in this life. The straight path is all that is right that I hope to be able to achieve. When I hear sirat al mustaqeem, I think of myself and how I need to do better to follow what God has laid out for us in his perfect system. I don't think about a path over Hell that I could either fall into or manage to walk across.

Are there any scholars that actually don't believe the straight path has anything to do with this life and the way we are supposed to live? Are there any who actually see it as nothing more than a line we'll walk across? How do you personally see it?

Parenting as a Muslim

My Nora is only a toddler, so Islam has not had that much influence on the way I parent. I have always been an attachment parenting type of parent, and I continue that now. She's too young to have issues need to be dealt with in an Islamic way like boys, starting to pray, wearing hijab, thinking about partying and alcohol, all those things. But I start to realize how quickly these things are coming!

It started with my co-worker's niece who started school in September (kindergarten, I think). My co-worker told us about how the little girl got home sometime near the end of the first week in school and declared that she had "un amoureux" (means a lover in French)! A few days later, more development to the story... there's an other little girl who is "into" this boy and the other little girl is dissing the competition (co-worker's niece). Like... what the heck, they are 5!!

Kids so totally don't need this type of drama in their life when for them, what would be natural would just to play together and have easy-to-solve fights. How ew that they have learned somehow to put themselves in adult roles (boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, etc.). I am starting to think more about what Nora watches lately because of how early things can start to have an influence. I'm happy not to have cable or satellite right now. We only download what we want to watch. But not everything me and Ahmed might watch is really suitable for Nora and she is often there with us or at least in the room when we watch TV.

The show that is bugging me most right now is the Simpsons because of how much she likes it, but how adult a show it really is... Looks like a kid show but it is not suitable for kids. She's as interested in it as her toddler baby shows but it contains adult themes and violent content (stranglings and the Itchy and Scratchy show they watch). I don't download actual kids shows much, and I'm actually scared of the new shows that have come out. One of them that plays on kids channels here is Samantha et Chantal and it's two dudes dressed as girls! I don't know anything more about the show, but it's so confusing gender roles and just plain homo looking! Here is a link to the image search results on Google. And I saw some ads for other shows with lots of gross vomiting stuff....

Then there's these stupid Brat dolls. I think they have a show too... They just disgust me. Why should being a brat be a good thing, first of all? And then there's their look. Tiny with huge heads and lots of make-up. They also have new troll dolls out that have the big colourful hair in the air, but they are skinny. UKH.

I'm scaring myself writing this post. I don't want to shelter Nora from everything that is out there because that will not help. So that means she will have to confront the things that are out there, but I need to make sure she knows what is what... There are so many little things that could happen. I won't be with her all the time... She will be with friends and they will talk about things. Communication will be SO SO SO SO SO IMPORTANT to make sure I can make her know the right thing the day she hears something that might be off. What about the very subtle things like getting a negative body image, etc? Being happy with my body and keeping her away from images that often cause a person not to be unhappy with her's is a very good beginning and major part of my plan, but she could get influenced into disliking her body from other places... Just a few images and a few people around her like friends who dislike their body. A comment from a peer. Anything...!

I'm scared!

Note: Yeah, this had nothing to do with Islamic parenting after all... I just scared myself writing this and thinking of all the things that could happen. And that I would have tried to avoid for her were I Muslim or not.

Buying a Book

When I announced I was converting, a very sweet sister sent me a book. It was a dua book I love to look at. So many beautiful words and ways to remember Allah. I need to work so much on encorporating it into my daily life so this book was perfect for me.

I am trying to pass this on by sending a book to a new convert I know. He is a gaming buddy of my husband's who lives in Sweden and he pronounced his shahada just recently. :D I am trying to think of what book I should send him. What kind of book would you send a new convert?

I'm still a closet Muslim

I'm still a closet Muslim. Hardly anyone knows except my husband (and that Jehova's Witness man I came across on the street that I wrote about a while back!) but I'm starting to get to the point where I don't want to hide it anymore. I want people to know that I am Muslim. I want to start being able to show, from example, what Islam is, and possibly make a person interested in learning about this religion.

I have to admit that I do not see Islam the same way as the average Muslim... I think I just see Islam in a more open way... A person not knowing about the Qur'an still being a Muslim in following his inner God-given sense of what is right, and believing in Allah (the creator, with no partners). And even though I know that the best way is to follow Allah 100%, and the best way to attempt that in these times is to read the Qur'an and follow its teachings, I also think that it is sufficient to enter Paradise for a person to be a good person (more good deeds than bad, more good influence in this world than bad, etc). Of course, even I believe that the person will have to believe in God alone because shirk cannot be forgiven without repenting. But only Allah knows if I am right in this. I'm just stating my belief.

I feel that most Muslims put a much higher status on people who consider themselves Muslims. Whether or not they are being good ones, it's as though they will be recompensed for just being born in a Muslim home. On the contrary, they have had every chance to learn the right way, and if they didn't take it, I believe they will be punished more severely. And I don't think that an agnostic person who is always doing good will be going to hell simply for not being part of the Muslim community. Even I often don't feel like I want to be part of the Muslim community as it stands now. I don't think regular Quebeckers here understand me. I am much more conservative than they are! But I don't really fit in with the Muslims either. Not with the non-practicing ones because that's far from what I want to be and I don't respect that (I don't respect in myself what I am lacking in the way I practice Islam either) but I don't fit in better with the more fundamental Muslims because as much as I would like to be practicing like them, I don't see the big picture in the same way as they do. And of course, I don't fit in with the cultural ones who can't tell the difference between Islam and their culture because that's just annoying.

I'm lucky not to have had bad experiences though. But I also didn't really find anyone here who shares what I believe.

If I were to come out of the closet to my parents like I wish to, I feel sure that the first thing I would want to say is that I don't believe exactly the same thing as most Muslims. Sad, isn't it? But that's how it would go. I'd want to explain in simple terms what Islam is to me. It's submitting to God alone. And I'd explain that I believe we all have in us the knowledge of what God wants from us, which means that I believe anyone, whether they consider themselves Muslim or not, could be Muslims/Submitters to God. To separate myself from the Muslim community and make them see that they too, might even be part of what I see Islam as.

I wouldn't feel the need to separate myself from the Muslim community so much if I were to come out to co-workers and just random people. In fact, I'd love to try to show of the good in Muslims with them especially, like I do now whenever we talk about Islam. I want the Ummah to become stronger...

This has been a pretty honest post for me. I guess the only thing left to add to that would be that I'd feel the need to add that I don't follow hadiths like most Muslims do, but any details would be for another post, so I don't really want any comments on it if at all possible!

OH! Have to add that today at work, we were talking about foster parenting, which I really want to do as soon as I am able to get an apartment with an extra bedroom, and one of the girls has been a foster parent, so I asked her about the procedures and all, and then asked her if they'd be more likely to place a Muslim child with us if there was one, considering we were "a Muslim family". I didn't say that I was Muslim myself, but they know my husband is, and I called us a Muslim family. I then continued talking with them and talked about having been in the mosque more than in the Church, etc. This was with the two newest employees at our office, so I might just have given them the impression that I'm Muslim. I was quite happy about that! I don't think I could say "no" if anyone asked me if I was now. :) It's progress.

Eid al adha. Do you sacrifice?

Do any of you sacrifice an animal for Eid? Do you do anything else (like buy overseas to be donated or anything else)?

I'm wondering what the options are for me here in Canada. I don't have enough money to buy a large animal for sure... Is it better than nothing to sacrifice a couple chickens? I think I could find a place that would allow me to buy and kill them Islamically (and then arrange them for me). But a chicken (or two or three) seems like it might not be worthwhile.

I guess I'm looking for a way to celebrate Eid more than I will celebrate Christmas!

What will you do for Eid?

Back to blogging!

(I've been itching to come back and write, but I felt I didn't have enough to say, and I remained kind of upset about what happened with my husband.

We ended up talking after a long time, and I also got back into reading about Islam, something I'd almost completely let go of during this time. I realized I'd done wrong in talking about him in a way I knew he wouldn't approve of, no matter how true it might've been, and how much I might've needed to get out that frustration. What I was doing (speaking about him and saying something he would not want me to say) was backbiting and of course this is not OK. He also apologized for hacking my blog and deleting my posts and admitted he was wrong in that too. Real communication really was what we needed. It took a lot to get there but we did, and I feel comfortable coming back now to blogging.

Lottery and material things

I've never been a fan of the lottery. Never really bought any for myself but have received it in a card or something as a small gift a couple times. I really think they are a waste of money and I'd rather have never received it. I see so many people who have their weekly lottery routine. One of this, one of that, with the extra, bla bla bla. I worked at a grocery store for a while when I was 16 or so and would sometimes work at the counter that had the cigarettes and lotteries. The clients were always showing me what was what and where to get it. I seriously had no idea. And I always got them the wrong pack of cigarettes. I understood nothing of what they were saying except the brand name they were looking for. I saw so many people come to get their lottery ticket checked, hoping to have won the jackpot. They rarely did, but they often got a free ticket or a small amount (say 5$ or 10$) and I never saw anyone just take the money. They always bought more tickets with it (seeing it as an investment, I'm sure).

So anyway... Reason I'm talking about lotteries is because at work, they have started a lottery pool. I'm the ONLY ONE in the whole office not participating. Even the boss is in! It's a small company, but still, that's 8 people, plus me, not participating. I don't do lotteries. I have to admit that if I was not Muslim, I might have just felt the need to be in with them though... just in case they win maybe? And not to be the one left out...? What would 3$ a week be to my life anyway?

But I feel so much better with this decision. This is what I believe in and always have. I get what I work for and try to get ahead in life based on what I really do and learn and know. I will not give my money away to the lotteries for the tiny chance of winning 50 million dollars (split into 9)! I don't want to support that theft. I wish people would stop hoping to win millions of dollars and just notice how much they have in life that is worth so much. It hurts to see that some people cannot be content with their life and need to find hope in the possibility of winning a bunch of money. Most lottery buyers might not be the obsessive types that go nuts over it. They are people who live a regular life and are fine with their life, but doesn't the fact that they buy a lottery ticket or two every single week show that there is something they feel is missing?

I feel sad that we are so based on money and material things. I have enough money not to suffer in any way. I have an apartment I can sleep in and put my stuff in and it's as warm as I want it to be all winter. I have a car so I don't have to depend on anyone to bring me places. I am able to buy decent clothes and shoes and boots for my family. I can eat good food and cook it on my very own stove and store it in my very own fridge! It's not a big apartment, it's not a new car, I actually complement our wardrobes with a lot of used stuff, and my stove was given to me by my uncle when he was done with it, but I have all the material I really need. Yet, I always want more. Nora needs a new bedroom set. Technically, the bed supports her and the mattress is comfy, which is most important, but most of the drawers are broken on her bureau, so I have to find other places to put her clothes. I find that space and she wears clean and cute clothes. But I still want her to have a decent bureau! For myself, I feel sure that I need a new shelf. But on top of that, there are a bunch of things I want! New clothes! An eBook reader! A cute phone cover!

I'm very satisfied with what I have overall, but still, there is more I would want! My real dream is to have a nice house someday and have it furnished beautifully. I suppose if I was older and felt I had nowhere to go with my career and I felt my husband was at his max too, and we still couldn't save enough money for a house, then I might be a bit less satisfied with what I have than I am now. So all to say that I can understand where these people come from who wish for more for themselves even if it happens by luck and even if the chance is so freakin' small it's not even worth it. Hopefully I can keep my thoughts in the right place to continue to know what is really important in life even if I get to the point where I feel some of my (material) dreams are unattainable.